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Old Fashioned ideas! Am I silly

(32 Posts)
Thanksforthat Tue 29-Oct-13 20:27:21

Hi
Mine is not a tragic problem. Although I've been on my knees with a bad relationship too so I know the pain.
But now my issue is this.
I'm a professional woman. Single parent to a 5 year old. I'm lucky to have a good career. I can afford help where I need it. Cleaning etc. I have nice home, car etc. not loaded but comfortable.
I've been on my own almost 4 years having made decision not to marry a porn addict. Well not porn but he kept putting up profiles on dating sites. I practically jilted him at alter but got loads of strength and support here.
2.5 years ago I started a new relationship with my great friend at work. He was separated also.
We are great. Took things slow. He has no kids and is 8 years older than me. I love him to bits and he's the real deal. Just a normal hardworking bloke!

As we are not in UK it will be another 2 years before he can divorce.
I'm 36 next week. We would like a baby.
My query is this? Will people judge me for having 2 kids by two different fathers and still not married. My parents would be devastated I think.
I hate that I've achieved so much and can still be influenced by this stuff. We could get engaged I suppose but not the same is it?
My friends think I'm mad and that I should just go for it.
My partner is already a great dad figure to my DD. He doesn't get my fear of the stigma!!!
Am I being stupid. Love and support to all going through much worse than I. I've been there and will never forget the pain

Lavenderhoney Thu 31-Oct-13 07:49:50

Fuk, that's a horrible thing to say to you! How you kept your cool I don't know. Why would you offer if you couldn't?

Ask someone else on the PTA and say why. You shouldn't be pushed out like that. She wasn't being nice at all.

Thanksforthat Thu 31-Oct-13 08:24:21

No definitely not a cocklodger!!! Quiet the opposite. In fairness I'm a bit tight so a CL and me would work smile
Yup I'm in Catholic Ireland. So it's all a slow pace here.
Horrible what that woman said but I get what you mean in her own mind she was being kind. The use of "bona fide" has a sting though. I'd be pretty sure she meant that!!
It took a long time to accept myself as a single never married parent. No shame in that. And much much counselling. I'm grateful to have two sisters that are psychotherapists so we treat counselling like physio in my family. So I think you're right I might go visit my therapist while I unravel my emotions about this.
I think before I noticed a thread about having toxic parents. Does that still exist?
Meanwhile I picked up some folic acid in tesco last night wink

Lavenderhoney Fri 01-Nov-13 03:41:41

Good lucksmile I hope it all goes well for you thanks

GilmoursPillow Fri 01-Nov-13 04:26:31

Given what your Dad has said to you, I would give a shit to be judged by him - his opinion wouldn't count as far as I was concerned.

It sounds like you have a lovely life with this man, good luck with TTC wink

GilmoursPillow Fri 01-Nov-13 04:27:17

"wouldn't give a shit" FFS smile

CheerfulYank Fri 01-Nov-13 04:42:45

I wouldn't worry about it. Well, actually I might worry about it but that wouldn't be enough to put me off.

I always wanted to be married first, and it worked out that way for me, but it could have gone another way too. It just is what it is. You want another one, go ahead. smile

I have a friend who has two DDs with 2 men and she's not with either of the fathers. Some people are a bit judgy but she doesn't care; she's happy with her little family and her daughters are so lovely.

Jengnr Fri 01-Nov-13 04:51:13

Choice - 2 kids with 2 dads or not having a much wanted 2nd kid

It 's a no brainer for me. Fuck what others think.

And good luck, enjoy ttc smile

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