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Ex invited us out for a meal - feel awful now

(66 Posts)
awakemysoull Sun 27-Oct-13 16:56:59

I recently separated from my partner of 3 years because he was a massive twat.

I have dd1 from a previous relationship and we habe dd2 together.

we have been civil towards each other and he has been visiting the kids a couple of times a week.

I called him earlier today to ask if he would mind giving me and dcs a lift to the supermarket. dd2 has been in and out of hospital the past week with bronchiolitis (sp?) so I havent had a chance to get to the shops. He took the car when we split up so I rely on public transport now.

he said that he could take me tomorrow because he would like to take me and the dcs out for a meal tonight.

I said that would be great and he would pick us up at 6.

I have had several texts over the past half hour saying that he has called the all you can eat buffet in advance to warn them I was coming so they could put more food out, that I should go and buy some bigger clothes because I always look ridiculous and embarrass him, that I need to give him some petrol money because the heavier the car is, the more fuel it uses.

I feel so blush and sad now

ive lost a stone the past 2 weeks and start the Cambridge plan again on tuesday so the weight is coming off but I just feel awful now. im currently 5'8 and a size 20

I told him to fuck the fuck off so now ill have to go to the supermarket in the pouring rain on the bus to get stuff for tea.

I hate how even after we have split he can still make me feel so low and worthless

I thought I was doing well, obviously not.

any advice about future contact?

perfectstorm Mon 28-Oct-13 23:24:56

Brilliant you have his mum as a resource - I agree, after the latest display of emotional abuse (and I've read your posts just now and WELL DONE on getting shot and moving on - I think you are a bloody great heroine with all you have coped with and handled while parenting two babies and working, too!) just insist all contact is done formally, or via a third party like his mum. Ignore texts he sends and if need be you can report him for harassment for more like the latest batch. He's a nasty, inadequate little bully and would find anything at all to belittle you over. Please don't allow him the headspace. SGB speaks sense.

Hopefully the bank thing is their error and they give you £20 or so in apology for the stress they caused. Not many things worse than being unable to feed your own child.

Now he's made it clear what a knob he is, you can stop wasting time or effort on trying to keep your relationship with him 'amiable'. Get legal advice, confine all contact with him to email and inform him that anything other than details about him seeing DC and/or sorting finances will be ignored. Just treat him with calm, slightly contemptuous politeness, as though he's irrelevant, which he is. Best of luck.

HogFucker Mon 28-Oct-13 21:04:39

Wow. What a massive twunt. Sounds to me like he's not so happy with you being successful in trying to lose weight and may be trying to jeopardise things.

Chubfuddler Mon 28-Oct-13 20:26:02

You don't need to feel angry or sad. You're completely vindicated in ending this relationship. You should feel relieved.

forevermore Mon 28-Oct-13 20:20:30

Shop online. Independence. Choose Delivery slots that are cheapest. Accept it's alright to give the kids beans in toast once in a while. Also added bonus is you can plan heathy meals without the smell of the bakery wafting past you. His reaction should affirm you made the right decision. Good luck with your new life.

Good woman.

Sounds a sensible plan and thank goodness you have money.

I wouldn't even communicate with him. Ever. Brief emails re: the children if at all necessary and that's it!

fromparistoberlin Mon 28-Oct-13 14:34:58

babe, he has comfirmed what COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING CUNT he is

so know you know, and he wont even help when his DD is sick

PRAISE BE YOU HAVE FINISHED, seriously his shitty behaviour is a gift saying "awakemysoull, you did right to dump me", no regretful twinges for you

Imagine, had he been all nice and caring youd only wonder if you had done the right thing

internet shopping, hope your DD recovers and basic communications only

xxxxx

FunnyRunner Mon 28-Oct-13 14:14:14

So glad you are no longer with this man OP. Your life can only get better smile

ChilledGhost Mon 28-Oct-13 13:58:51

I'd have gone for dinner and covered his meal with laxatives when he wasn't looking. Prick! angry

garlicvampire Mon 28-Oct-13 12:08:24

LOVE your update, awake! smile

Got your money back, MIL going to buffer her twat of a son for you, new clothes in the offing ... It's looking like a good week! Well done.

toffeesponge Mon 28-Oct-13 11:31:42

You feel blush and sad??

You should be feeling bloody angryangryangry

You are right, he is a massive twat. I suggest you never ask him for anything again.

Do not do anything for him. Stop caring what he thinks. He is nothing to you now.

awakemysoull Mon 28-Oct-13 10:16:28

Hi thanks again for all your messages.

The money has been returned to my bank account and the bank have no idea why it disappeared last night. It looks like it was being held for some reason but they don't know who it was or why so they are going to investigate. I've withdrawn it now so at least I've got it.

I always buy clothes to fit me, the issue he had was I was wearing a pair of pre-dd2 jeans and they were very tight. I didn't have any other ones to wear because my dryer broke and everything was still wet. I struggled to keep up with the washing last week when dd2 was in hospital.

I'm a bit calmer this morning and I'll give his mum a call in a bit and see if she will do access visits for the time being so I don't need to see him. She knows what a massive tit he is and doesn't defend his actions so at least I've got his family for help if I need them too.

I'm going to buy myself some clothes on Wednesday and get myself sorted out a bit.

Thanks again for all the advice

garlicvampire Sun 27-Oct-13 22:47:10

God, what a twat! No wonder he's an ex angry

Good to hear things are getting sorted. Change the PIN and password to your bank account, have the cheque book invalidated. Ensure the bank knows you are the SOLE account holder. If they play up, change banks.

Seriously, his opinion has NOTHING to do with your reality. He gets a kick out of messing with your head, so cease all contact with him. Do the kids' visit at a cafe or a friend's house. Get someone else to do the handovers.

You're much better off with a few stone extra than a twunt like him in your life. (On that subject, have you tried buying some nice clothes that fit you, instead of wishing yourself a different size? Always works for me!)

cjel Sun 27-Oct-13 22:35:37

FWIW . I've always been a 10/12 since having dcs and hes now in huge/ Xlarge and one day I'd had a huge meal and when I was getting ready for bed stuck my belly out and said oh yuk and he was sitting on the bed and said' yes you've really let yourself go'!! insults are insults whether they are true or not!!! Don't listen to himx

thequeenoftarts Sun 27-Oct-13 22:30:21

Tell that fucker while you can always lose weight and improve your appearance and look great, he will always be a prick...Did u manage to feed DD, wish I was near you, could have helped you out with food at least

skyeskyeskye Sun 27-Oct-13 22:27:11

What a total prick your ex is. Just proves you are better off without him. I second the above comments about making sure that he doesn't have access to the account. Change any passwords for online or telephone banking and if it is a joint account, then open a new one and transfer everything over. You can only get him off a joint account if he signs to say so afaik.

Also, the Asda tip is a good idea, I have just done it. I think it's on until 31 Oct. £15 for 3 months worth of deliveries and that includes Asda Direct and George as well, so ideal for buying Christmas presents too with no delivery charges.

Regarding the weight, fuck him. I am bigger than a size 20 and I always get compliments on how I look. I keep my hair and my nails nice and dress to flatter my figure. If you want to lose the weight then well done, but do it for yourself, not to spite him.

He is an immature wanker

Inthequietcoach Sun 27-Oct-13 21:50:46

Well, thumbs up for your dad. So glad that you have some food and someone you can call to help, who will help. I don't have words for someone who will take food from cupboards, leave children hungry, and verbally abuse their mother when she asks for help feeding them.

You need to ignore this excuse of a man as much as you can, and make sure he has no access to your money, your time, or your feelings. If dcs need to go for contact, have you someone else who can take them? Protect yourself. Agree with getting legal advice; he clearly does not have their wellbeing at heart.

If you want to lose weight, do it for you, you don't need to show him anything. Entirely agree that if it wasn't your weight, it would be something else.

Junebugjr Sun 27-Oct-13 21:03:40

You can always lose weight OP, he'll always be an arsehole. Your weight is just a red herring, if you were size 8, he would just find something else to batter your self esteem with.

I really wouldn't waste your energy anymore on him.
The most important thing is sorting financial things out like applying to CSA, tax credits etc, and make sure he has no access to your bank account. I'd seek advice from a solicitor about access too, and nail it down firmly. Get sorted with online shopping too, can't think of much worse than a load of shopping bags in the freezing cold!
Concentrate on making a new life for you and your girls and ignore this prick xxx

goonyagoodthing Sun 27-Oct-13 21:02:39

OP I am 5'8" and a size 20, and while I would like to be smaller (wouldn't we all?) I know you are not the massive whale you think you are.

The best weight you ever lost was the 13 or 14 stone of arse in the form of your Ex. If he makes himself feel better by knocking someone else down then it says FAR more about him than it does about you.

OvaryAction Sun 27-Oct-13 21:02:23

Another one for online shopping here, asda have an offer on delivery atm. £15 for three months delivery.

Also check out a girl called jack for v cheap and healthy recipes.

He's a cunt. There is nothing wrong with you and your worth cannot be measured with the bathroom scales. You deserve so much better than this abusive wanker.

Stick to doorstop handovers and all contact made through email. I would consider changing your bank account so that you are certain he can't access it. Don't ask him for any favours and don't give him any opportunities to bully you like this.

Thants Sun 27-Oct-13 20:45:29

What an arsehole. Please don't justify your weight to him and explain you are losing weight. There is nothing wrong with you he is just trying to hurt in a way he knows how!
Do not speak to him any longer unless it essential to do with the kids.
Why does he have the car when your the one taking care of the children?
As a suggestion to make things easier for you do online food shopping. It is much less stressful.

ThePinkOcelot Sun 27-Oct-13 20:44:56

What a nasty bastard! At least you are losing weight OP and he will still be a nasty twat!
Why don't you do your shopping online? It will save you trekking on the bus.
Take no notice of him, you are well rid. x

notanyanymore Sun 27-Oct-13 20:40:29

I'm speechless! What a nasty nasty cunt! He doesn't even give enough of a shit about his ill child not to use it as an excuse to put the boot in? He doesn't deserve the opportunity to interact with any of you and more to the point you don't deserve to have to interact with that!

PrincessKitKat Sun 27-Oct-13 20:28:20

What a disgusting man, leaving his own children without food.

And what a hideous troll, setting you up & using your goodwill just for an opportunity to hurt you.

Remember this episode - not for the untruthful things he said - but for how awful he made you feel and how he left your children hungry, and next time he wants you to be civil and reasonable, tell him to go fuck himself.

Well done on your weight loss thanks

SweetSeraphim Sun 27-Oct-13 20:18:58

Good for you awake That's what I like to hear grin

Fuck him, the arsehole. You don't need him. This turnaround to anger has made me happy thanks

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