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I need to end this dont I ?

(7 Posts)
pissedoff123 Sun 27-Oct-13 14:50:29

Have namechanged as feel like a fool.
'D' p has always put drinking before me. It doesn't matter if im ill or have plans (ive not been able to make plans for a couple of years) to do something either with or without him, he will either piss off and get drunk or be too hungover as he drinks to excess putting it mildly.
We have 2 children youngest is only a few months old. I didnt keep very well during the pregnancy or immediately afterwards, I was left to get on with it as it was his 'day' for going on the piss.
He keeps promising to change, can be very charming (of course).
All family times like birthdays, Christmas etc are always overshadowed by him getting really drunk or being hungover.
He's never going to change, today ive had it. Ive ended it, he's out with all his stuff AGAIN.
Please help me not to take him back again, I feel hes destroyed all my self confidence and ill never get it back with him still around.

Sittingbull Sun 27-Oct-13 14:54:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jackstini Sun 27-Oct-13 14:59:47

You have done the right thing.
Do contact AA and get as much support as you can.
Do you have family and friends around you?

You have done the right thing today, keep him away from both you and by turn the children. They do not need a drunkard for a father in their lives.

I would also now read Codepedent No More by Melodie Beattie if you have not already done so as co-dependency issues often feature in these types of dysfunctional relationships. You need to look at why you took him back on all the previous occasions, presumably he told you before that he was truly sorry and swore on his kids lives that he would change. He may well try that tactic again. Do not fall for it or his tears.

The organisation that could help you is Al-anon who are for family members of problem drinkers. They are completely separate from Alcoholics Anonymous.

Al-anon's website is

www.al-anonuk.org.uk

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 27-Oct-13 15:21:02

I'm going to suggest a couple of things. One is to have a trusted friend or family member on speed-dial and to call them if you think you're going to weaken. The other is to write down a list of all the things his behaviour has done to ruin your life so far... everything from the spoiled pregancy to the broken promises to the embarrassing Christmases... and read it until you go from 'angry' to 'not caring'. When you stop caring, you'll be fine.

pissedoff123 Sun 27-Oct-13 15:34:55

I take him back because i love him but its not enough, i know i deserve better than this. There's other problems as well but they can't even begin to get dealt with.
He's due an operation tomorrow and i was meant to be taking him to and from hospital but i told him that i won't be doing that now. I feel like i don't care anymore but i need to stay like this. He clearly doesn't care about us, well not more than the booze anyway.
Funny how he can always stop in time to recover for work but not for us.
I've got that book and will check out the website thanks.
I do have support but don't like using it, I've hid so much away because of the drinking i don't really confide anymore.

AnyFuckerforanamechange Sun 27-Oct-13 18:32:43

Do confide with someone in RL. People like to know they're being helpful. You have resolve now but you may find it hard if he's good at hooking you back in.

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