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What is co-dependency? Am slightly worried I am.

(9 Posts)
MuffCakes Sun 27-Oct-13 10:45:27

Although the extensive lists of what it is I expect anyone can find some of it to relate to them.

Pumpkinupthejam Sun 27-Oct-13 11:32:53

Are you in a relationship at the moment? What's it like?

MuffCakes Sun 27-Oct-13 13:05:57

Sort of, we split up and he now lives in his own house about 5minutes away and we are very off and on and argue about everything. It's ridiculous but he won't leave me alone and then I let him come back all the time no matter what he has done to me.

Right now for instance I miss him but I know it's not a healthy relationship as he can't even be kind to me the majority of the time. But then he goes above and beyond and is so nice.

Sorry for the ramblings just trying to work out why I can't keep him away.

lljkk Netherlands Sun 27-Oct-13 14:08:06

CoDep is when you organise your life around his insane behaviour (usually addictive in some way). But not clear that's the trap you've fallen into.

Do you have any beliefs in your head about you deserving no better? Do you feel responsible like you should try to fix his problems?

Meerka Netherlands Sun 27-Oct-13 14:09:05

sounds very much the abuser's script to me. mean and nice by turns. But the amazing niceness has an agenda - to keep you coming back.

MuffCakes Sun 27-Oct-13 14:15:53

I don't know if it's abuse, sometimes I feel I am the abuser and I'm lucky he puts up with me.

TheSilveryPussycat Sun 27-Oct-13 14:25:42

muff abusers don't think like that - it does not occur to them that they are abusive. Those who are being abused often wonder if it is them - but the very fact that they wonder, indicates they are probably dwelling on their own behaviour in response to abuse.

Have a look at the top link of the EA Support thread, see if anything seems to ring a bell...

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 27-Oct-13 15:36:38

It's typical of an abusive relationship that the victim feels they're at fault, responsible for the other person's behaviour, that they don't deserve any better or that they can no longer trust their own judgement. They become locked into this vicious cycle of self-reproach, low confidence and doubt... and gratefully grab hold of any attention, no matter how destructive.

The only 'cure' is time and distance. However hard it is, cut the person properly out of your life and then really work on your self-esteem. It doesn't take all that long to break the spell. Then you'll be disappointed at what you tolerated.

MuffCakes Sun 27-Oct-13 18:20:24

Thanks cog, have got it more straight again in my head from this post and the EA thread.

Silly thing I know really I'm just doubting myself.

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