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new bloke...erection maintenance

(10 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Sun 27-Oct-13 03:32:26

Ive met a new man and ges lovely in many ways but I think he may have erectile problems. He is very giving in many ways and he loves to go down on me for ages whichbis my favourite thing ever. Hes great at it.
However he has been through a lot and therefore has problems maintaining an erection. This means actual intercourse lasts a few minutes and there are some position s which arent possible due to not being hard enough for long enough. He says its due to his seperation, hurt and not knowing me for long enough.it is improvong but he does come very quickly. I can tell he feels bad about it as he comments on it. Its a shame as the atteaction between us is shit hot but how do i put this politely...I like to be banged for ages in many position s. I want to give him a chance so what do I do?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 27-Oct-13 06:17:55

How long has he been separated? If it's recent enough to be causing him sexual anxiety, perhaps it's best to move on until he's emotionally ready. If the separation is a long time ago, what he's attributing to anxiety could have a medical reason (very common). In which case he should see a doctor rather than make wrong assumptions. Has he see a doctor?

GiveMeSomeSpace Sun 27-Oct-13 06:40:41

You've said it yourself. You want to give him a chance, so: give him a chance.

Do what's rigth for you, not what's right for him or anyone else. If that right thing for you is to give him a chance, then do so and be true to yourself, which includes setting the boundaries in your own mind.

Good luck

BelaLugosisShed Sun 27-Oct-13 09:25:39

Surely it's an easy fix? A decent cock-ring will help by trapping blood and will give him confidence. It's non-invasive/non-pharmaceutical , they're great for men who don't need help too wink Get one with a vibrating bullet attached and you'll get the benefit too. smile It's win/win.

Lweji Sun 27-Oct-13 09:34:51

Is it really lack of erection maintenance or premature ejaculation?

No expert on what to do, but if you can identify the exact problem it will be easier to address.

Dahlen Sun 27-Oct-13 09:39:14

Talk to him about it. It will be an incredibly personal conversation, but if you want to try to build a relationship with him, it's very necessary.

You need to establish what the problem is. What's running through his mind when he loses his erection? It's the only way to find out if it's a medical problem or a mental one and regardless of the answer whether he's worth pursuing a relationship with.

If he's experiencing anxiety about performance based on previous relationships or anxiety, I'd be wary about allowing yourself to bond too much. Ideally, he should have dealt with that before allowing himself to get involved in a new relationship. However, you might want to allow for the fact that the latter stages of dealing with it may involve trying it out with a new person (i.e. you). If he seems otherwise ready for a relationship, is considerate and attentive during sex and isn't in any way trying to blame you or make you responsible (i.e. he isn't saying things like if you make him feel secure), you might like to give him the benefit of the doubt and look at solutions. If that's the stage he's at I would expect his recovery to be relatively swift.

If it's a medical problem, there are various solutions he can try, but that's for him to investigate and pursue, not you. If he's unwilling to do that, bear in mind that you will invariably find yourself cast in the role of 'fixer' for any relationship problems that pop up - not a role anyone should be willing to take on because what about when you are low and need someone to support you or take care of their own needs for a while.

Ultimately, he might not be able to solve this problem at all and if you want a relationship with him you may have to live with it. Many couples can get around the problem through non-penetrative sex, but if penetrative sex is really important to you, that won't work and you would be daft to continue the relationship knowing that simply because you don't want to feel like a bad person for ending it over ED. You wouldn't be ending it over ED BTW, you'd be ending it because of incompatibility - ED just happens to be the form it's taken.

Hope you find the right solution.

str8tothepoint Sun 27-Oct-13 11:34:55

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

kinkyfuckery Sun 27-Oct-13 11:39:13

str8 I'm sure there are many regulars who would also love to be banged for ages hmm

kinkyfuckery Sun 27-Oct-13 11:40:31

Also, a quick search should reveal she's a long-standing poster than you!

Lamai1 Sun 27-Oct-13 18:56:24

My man had the same problem,got him to go into a fantasy "mode"..he did just that..problem soon solved..his fantasy..ohhh.cant say on here..ha ha..but not really bad...I did what he wanted...

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