Rules of dating?

[ClementineKelandra]

Eg. Do I text him or always wait for him to text me? Am I suppose to make him chase me?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'd forget ideas of chasing... bit teenagery. :) Best to strike a balance between appearing enthusiastic (good) and seeming needy or overbearing (bad). Unfortunately, as one person's definition of enthusiastic is going to be someone else's needy it's best to just be yourself. Good luck

[ClementineKelandra]

Thanks Cogito x

[ClementineKelandra]

How do I seem un-needy?

[HandragsAndGladbags]

I decided that with DH when we first met I absolutely wouldn't contact him first for one month, as I had felt I was chasing with other dates.

I carefully implemented my plan.

He didn't notice

Make of that what you will.

[HandragsAndGladbags]

Sending a text tomorrow evening, say, asking if they had a nice weekend - perfectly okay.

Texting them every morning "just to say hi" I would say is full on

[ClementineKelandra]

Ok, so I definately don't text him tonight? I heard from him last this morning.

[HandragsAndGladbags]

Have you text him back from this morning? If not then do, if you did I would leave until tomorrow personally

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Cog's guide to appearing un-needy (book deal pending) :)

• Wait several minutes after receiving a text before sending one back.
• Let calls go to voice-mail a few times rather than picking up straight away
• Have to check your diary rather than automatically leaping at the next date suggestion.
• Disagree with your date from time to time

Not game playing... just letting your gentlemen callers know that you have a) friends, b) opinions, c) a life and d) better things to do than sit by a phone all day. (FWIW I do all of the above and have difficulty shaking the buggers off.. )

[Walkacrossthesand]

Text/email 'ping pong' is fine - ie take turns to message, if he doesn't reply to a mail/message then you don't message him again until he does. But if he texted you this morning, I imagine he's hoping for a reply! Don't 'play it so cool' that you freeze him out

[ClementineKelandra]

I replied to him this morning so I'll definitely leave it now. I think I'm going to just go to bed so I don't get tempted.

[ClementineKelandra]

I wod buy your book, cog! :)

[ClementineKelandra]

*would

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Have you tried actual insults? The 'stickiest' ones are the ones I'm really quite rude to. (Although they could just be a bit thick and not get it)

[OneDayWhenIGrowUp]

The rules from the dating thread are great to remember....(mainly for online dating)

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

The biggest thing to remember is YOU ARE THE PRIZE! I think.

I agree with text ping pong, I generally don't send another message until reply received (the exception being if arrangements need to be made/clarified).

[something2say]

i think not chasing is still relevant.....

[ClementineKelandra]

Ok so is this weird. He only knows me by my maiden name but I'm still under my old married name on fb. He managed to find me and send me a friend request. I'm not big on technical stuff and very selective with who I add on fb. Does that mean he actually went searching for me? I like him but i want to keep him at arms length for the mo.

[ClementineKelandra]

My new mantra will be I am the prize

[SarahBumBarer]

I gave my private email address (hotmail) to my boss the other day as I could not access work emails. When I replied to her email a link automatically came up to her FB page. It could be something simple like that.

[ALittleStranger]

The dating thread rules above are very, very wise.

I think also remember that if you're asking yourself "is he keen" then chances are he's not. Ignore those who say to give someone a "second chance" for bad behaviour like vanishing etc. Most people are awful at being straight and saying they're not interested so will just try and shake someone off instead. Giving them a "second chance" is flogging a dead horse. I think you need to feel that you would be persued if you made him, but you're far too sorted to go about following The Rules etc.

[cjel]

OK, So now i know all the rules - where do I find a man?

[HisLommel]

God how complicated! Surely the key is just to be yourself? No point pretending not to be needy if you are someone who needs a fair amount of attention. If someone doesn't take an interest in you being yourself then you've probably done yourself a favour!

[MadeMan]

Yeah surely if someone pretends to not be needy but really is, then they'll get found out at some later point.

Some people might like needy to make themselves feel wanted/loved whatever. Others might prefer a partner that is more distant or independent.

Be who you are, do what you normally do and if the person doesn't like it then tough titty; they'll have to find somebody else.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

If someone pretends to be less needy than they are it's not a problem. Just gets them past those first few nervous dates and gives them chance to get to know the other person a bit better. The trouble with 'needy' and other heart on sleeve behaviour is that it makes someone very vulnerable very quickly. So not only unattractive but also putting them in the path of exploitation.

[Bant]

Nah I disagree. If I've been on a date and really like the woman a lot, then I'll still wait a day to call/text and ask for a second date. That's not game playing, it's because I've seen enough friends say 'he was nice and all but just too over keen'

You don't know someone after a first date. You've spent an hour or two with them on their best behaviour. If you completely open up then people may take advantage. I like to be honest but not lay myself bare (metaphorically) until three or four dates when you can see whether someone is consistent or not. The second, third, fourth date is when you see whether they're rude to waiters, have red flags galore, that kind of thing

So no photos of my kids on a first date, no appearing over keen afterwards. When I trust them, that's when I can tell them how keen I was. Before then I'm just friendly and polite