Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

2 hours sleep and raging. aibvu?

(59 Posts)
NightScentedStock Thu 24-Oct-13 09:07:20

I will try and be brief.

DP has recently started going out regularly to play a sport with a mate. I am pleased as lasr few years have been tough in lots of ways. However we agreed he comes back before 11 latest as
We have 3 dcs, inc 2 toddlers
it's a work/school night
I have a neurological condition which I am being treated for with a very strong drug. I have to take it to get better, I was v ill for 4 and a half years before diagnosis. The side effects include extreme tiredness, increased appetite and mood swings. I am also on a v restricted diet and have been told to avoid stress, tiredness wherever possible. Dp knows this.
I also have a long history of anxiety/insomnia but the drug helps this.

So last night DP went out promising to be back for 1030 as I'd slept badly the night before, it's a school night and I had a hectic day by my standards with orthodontist for ds1, lunch with friend whose father is v ill, then I'd arranged for the first time to see another friend for a quick catch up in the evening, the first time we would be able to ever see each other without children.

So, 11 o clock, 12 o clock, 1 o clock. No sign. I have sent lots of texts and tried calling mobile loads. Really realky worried now as dp NEVER does this. So I wake teenage ds1 and ask him to listen out for little ones while I drive up to where ge is with my mobile, searching the streets for a body passed out on the pavement on the way. Lights are on where he is then go off and he stumbles out barely able to walk. Finds the whole thing funny.

Dp goes to sleep on sofa. I lay awake fuming and worrying how I will cope because without being too specific if I get overtired I get really ill.

So dp wakes up this morning saying sorry, but he has to go to work and I have to get on with it with the kids despite being fucked because of him.

To top it all the other guy's wife texted this am saying "boys will be boys". Really? Am I supposed to just suck it up be cause dp has a penis?

I have cancelled lunch (can barely stand up) and will have to cancel seeing my friend this evening.

How to I handle this? am I just being a twat because I am exhausted? I raged at dp this morning but he wouldn't stay and help despite knowing ds has to go to the orthodontist and I'm not safe to drive?

please be gentle if I am bu.

cloudskitchen Thu 24-Oct-13 22:00:59

Jeepers Lemon, you're also determined to be right, right to the bitter end. I think maybe you should leave the care out of health care professional as you clearly don't.

mammadiggingdeep Thu 24-Oct-13 22:06:37

Even if you think the op is unreasonable about the night out thing, really...was that post really necessary??

What IS it about people treading all over other people's feelings with really no need! Surely you could have commented in here without that. It's bloody depressing to read some of these threads at the moment when people just want some advice...not bloody being ripped into.

Rant over.

HotBurrito1 Thu 24-Oct-13 22:20:51

You clearly have a lot going on, OP and it's clear why you are annoyed.

The bare bones of it are: he had one night out. He 'never does this' in your own words. A bit selfish, a bit thoughtless... but one night out.

NightScentedStock Fri 25-Oct-13 09:14:38

Lemon I wish you had left your posts, as they articulate clearly the problem some people with chronic illness (ime mostly women) face. Their gp/specialist doesn't know what is wrong with them, notices they are mothers, perhaps single, with small children, and makes the massive leap to the decision that they are malingerers/not coping/making up an illness to get help in other areas of their lives. Ime women don't do what you suggest, they battle on under extremely difficult circumstances.

My specialist's patients have on average been ill for 44 months before they get to him. They have usually seen 1 or more other specialists, who don't know what is wrong with them. My own gp was obviously sceptical when I asked for a referral to this man, as she judged that I was simply struggling with 3 kids, one with disabilities. This is the problem with the medical profession at times, doctors need to recognise that they are fallible, and not when they see someone with vague symptoms brush it off. I saw it at work. Patients insisting something is wrong and being fobbed off. A month later in the case of one woman, she was dying in HDU.

If you are interested there is a Spoons thread in general health I think and the theory and posts there might give you some new insight into how very difficult life can be with a chronic illness. I hope in future you will check yourself begore you judge away without listening fully to ehat patients say. Being dismissed/brushed off is the pits when you have come to a doctor at the end of your tether for help.

Thank you to everyone again for your help and advice, now I am not sleep deprived I can see things much clearer. I have a tendency to catastrophise and this thread has enlightened me to the fact that my general levels of anxiety are creeping up so I need to work on that.

lemon, I may have sounded "poor me" to you but when you have to care for young children with bugger all sleep and have no outside support it can make you feel a bit sorry for yourself. I was detailed as I didn't want to drip feed, bot because I was creating some elaborate story to encourage others to back me up in controlling dp in some strange eay to avoid my own duty of care to my family. I xan cope with those accusations, because Iam out the other side, and bbecause after loitering here for years I have learnt an immense amount from some incredibly wise women here, and continue to be educated and have my perceptions challenged. One of your patients might hoeever be driven to the depths of despair by your seemingly over judgemental attitude and that is worrying as you have the chance to heal or not. I could never be a doctor because that responsibility is too huge and daunting.

NightScentedStock Fri 25-Oct-13 09:20:03

Ps DP was terribly apologetic last night and all is well. We ended up having a really love ly chat about all sorts of other stuff, and I am reminded of what a marvellous open minded lovely chap he is. I think forgetting his work bag yesterday, feeling like crap, struggling in a meeting, forgetting to put a nappy on ds3 last night and having huge gaps in his drunken evening and being a bit thoughtless have made him feel that it wasn't such a good idea on a week night after all!

Apologies for appalling typos

NightScentedStock Fri 25-Oct-13 09:26:08

Sorry pp should say some doctors, obviously, I dont want to insinuate that all doctors think or behave as if they are infallible, gah!

Clutterbugsmum Fri 25-Oct-13 10:18:48

Glad you feel better now you have had a good rest. And that you DP has apologized.

It sounds like you had a good evening last night.

Lovecat Fri 25-Oct-13 11:56:52

Interesting - I reported Lemonstartree's posts as I found them a definite personal attack on the OP, insinuating she was lying by putting 'illness' in quotes.

I received a reply last night from MNHQ saying they were deleting the messages, however the delete message suggests it's because she asked for them to be deleted, not because others found them abhorrent.

NightScented, I'm really glad to hear that he was apologetic and you had a better night. Hope things continue to go well smile

mammadiggingdeep Fri 25-Oct-13 18:43:10

Bloody great post night!! Good for you!

Glad you sorted it out with dh.

Take care x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now