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I have no one

(17 Posts)
Whatnext074 Tue 22-Oct-13 18:02:23

newboo - haven't heard back from you, are you doing okay?

Once you get settled contact Gingerbread.
You'll never look back.
Oh, and bloody, BLOODY well done!
You are an amazing mum.

Tulip26 Mon 21-Oct-13 20:06:18

Have you tried volunteering? Animal charities, the WRVS, charity shops are all good ways to meet people. If money is tight, they often they pay your expenses too - such as refunding bus travel.

Whatnext074 Mon 21-Oct-13 20:01:02

How are you doing today newboo?

moldingsunbeams Mon 21-Oct-13 01:19:49

I too moved because of DV (emotional) and left all my friends and contacts behind. I too know no one hardly apart from a couple of neighbours and mums at school I talk to in passing.

Its hard and I have not mastered the new friends bit yet because I cannot really go out to activities for me and most of dds friends parents do not collect on school run.

I work from home mostly and can go weeks without talking to anyone other than dd.

tawse57 Mon 21-Oct-13 00:08:33

Spiritually, I don't believe that any one is ever alone. Practically, in this life, I think that loneliness is one of the most difficult things that many of us have to deal with.

Small steps - you are taking small steps to rebuild your life and your happiness. You have done the most difficult thing - you have taken that first step. Go on, take some more. Before you know it you will be walking and striding and eventually running.

I do not mean to sound glib as I know personally what it is to be loneley... but you can change that. When bad things happen to us we can become fragile and introverted - afraid to do or say anything out of fear that, like an eggshell, we will break or shatter.

You need to rebuild your confidence. Talk with people, chat with people in everyday life at the bus stop, neighbours, in the local shops, at the library. Go to the library and find out what activities or shows or exhibitions are on in your area and go along. Book clubs is especially a good place for women to make new friends. These are but examples - you have to get out there and make new friends and a new life.

You have done the hardest part. You have taken that first step. Now go take another million!

“The most beautiful people we have ever known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have pulled themselves out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

lookingfoxy Sun 20-Oct-13 23:19:58

Hi maybe once you are settled you could try a college course? I have met a couple of really close friends and loads of acquaintances this way. Many of them have a nursery attached where you get free childcare as part of attending.

Whatnext074 Sun 20-Oct-13 23:18:44

Things won't be the same but they will be better for you and your DS. Feel incredibly proud of yourself for getting out of the horrible situation you were in. You have protected yourself and your DS and the steps you have taken so far show what an amazing person you are.

I don't often post responses on here as I feel I am not in a position at the moment to support others who are needing advice but your post has really struck a chord with me as I have been there. I have experienced the fear of not knowing what the future holds after a DV relationship. It doesn't feel like it now but you will be stronger from this. Please just hold your DS as much as you can, you will get your strength from him. He is precious to you, you have made a huge step into a better life for you both.

You will get lots of support on here, you are not alone.

Backonthefence Sun 20-Oct-13 23:17:09

You have your son he depends on you and loves you, your the most important person in the world to him remember that.

newboo Sun 20-Oct-13 22:51:26

Thank you, I cannot imagine things ever being the same. I really don't have much hope, this is nothing like what I thought my life would be. If it wasn't for DS I really don't think I would be here x

betterthanever Sun 20-Oct-13 22:13:33

When my current nightmare ends I would like to do more for people in your position. I look back over the last 9 years and I didn't know where to go for help at different stages. One thing I think would help is for more money put into informing people what help can be sought. I would like to fundraise for that.

That old you will come back OP - one day you will do something or say something and see/hear her. Piece by piece you will get there.
I think I put too much pressure on myself to be ok too soon and as a result it took longer. Take your time and keep posting.

newboo Sun 20-Oct-13 21:51:28

Thank you I'm staying in a temp place until I find a home. My DS is under 1. I feel a shell of myself. I guess part of the trouble was saying nothing about what was happening. Thank you for support, you don't know how much it means. I really can't say too much. Any advice welcome x

Whatnext074 Sun 20-Oct-13 21:51:09

I am so sorry for you, I left a DV situation when my DS was 3 and it was a struggle but I focussed on my DS and gradually got stronger. Even if you are not religious, if there is a church near you they can offer support. I actually got food from them when times were really tough and it helped to just talk to someone there too and they didn't pressure any religious beliefs on me.

Do you have any Children's Centres near you? There is lots of support there and opportunities to meet other parents.

I know it's so terribly tough, you will get support on here my love, MN has helped me through some very dark times.

You are not alone.
We are here to hold your hand and talk to you and have a giggle and you can have a rant.
This is MN's most brilliant quality, there will always be somebody to help you. Have you been to your local site, to see when the next meet up is?

How old is DS? Are you in your own place yet? How are you doing for practical help.

Above all WELL DONE for starting your new life thanks

betterthanever Sun 20-Oct-13 21:35:10

Firstly, well done on getting away and starting to make a new life for yourself and DS, it must have been very difficult. There are many days I wonder what it would be like to start from scratch with no one and see how it goes.
Being in hiding must be incredibly difficult and looking after DS on your own, hard in itself.
How old is DS? are there mother and baby/toddler/activity clubs you could join and meet other parents and make friends that way and get out an about?
I have been with my DS on my own for coming up to 9 years and at first I was scared and very lonely at times. I decided to do what I could to be as normal as I could and just go to palces, just me an DS and just not one other person and things got better. I took baby steps and did more and more and now it feels normal to just be us two and often strange when there is someone else there. The two of you will be very close and you will have a bond like no other.

ElloGuvnor Sun 20-Oct-13 21:34:43

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way OP, sending you a virtual hug.

How old is your DS?

newboo Sun 20-Oct-13 21:26:36

Occasional poster, longtime lurker.

I have nothing, other than my DS. I have moved due to DV- but still in 'hiding' I just feel so alone. Rang Samaritans last night, which helped but thought posting on here may help as I've read lots of posts giving support to others. If anyone has moved due to a relationship please let me know if it turned out ok? any tips for moving on or meeting new people? i have a support worker from woman's aid, but any additional advice would be good. I'm genuine, I am simply too frightened to say any more.

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