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Sister wins lots of money but unwilling to treat anyone.

(83 Posts)
songlark Sun 20-Oct-13 20:44:15

I know its hers to do with what she wants but as her only sister I expected something off her. I know for a fact that if it had been me I would have got more joy from treating her than the actual win itself. She's not won a fortune but £150.000 is hardly peanuts either. The thing that really irks me is, throughout all our adult lives she has always been terrible with money and I've always helped her out by lending her money, never knowing when I'm getting it back, even though I didn't have much myself. I've always helped out with minding her children when she was stuck. Basically I've just always been there for her. Then the other week she phoned to say she'd won about 150 grand, I was over the moon for her but as the days went by she's telling me all the things she's going to do with the money. Now I could understand this more if she'd decided to bank the money or invest for a rainy day, but it seems like she's going to have a right good spend up. I just feel very hurt that she she has no intention of treating me, not even a night out. Am I being presumptuous in expecting my sister to treat me. Makes me wonder what anyone else would do if it were them that got such a windfall?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 20-Oct-13 20:47:05

You're not being unreasonable but, rather than hoping and wishing for something to happen, maybe be a little bolder.... 'now you'll be able to see me right for all those times I've lent you a few quid or helped you out with the kids.' Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

smokinaces Sun 20-Oct-13 20:52:39

I thought you meant £150, in which case i was going to say leave her alone, but £150k? I would say "ah fab, whens our night out for celebrations then?" and see what she says! If I won that amount I would certainly give some to my siblings, not a huge amount, but some.

Walkacrossthesand Sun 20-Oct-13 20:57:02

And, I'm afraid, if she doesn't see the need to include you in celebrating her windfall, I would be very circumspect in future when the dosh is all gone about lending her money or being generous with anything, in fact. As we sow, so shall we reap.

Smartiepants79 England Sun 20-Oct-13 20:59:50

I would definitely treat my sister.
It's a bit mean of her. And thoughtless. If all she is planning to do is spend it on 'stuff' a bit for family isn't too much to ask in my opinion.

EachDay Sun 20-Oct-13 21:00:07

I don't know. If My DSis had such a wind fall I honestly don't think I would expect anything. Mind you I don't think she'd fritter it away, I'd expect her to use it to make her family secure.

If I won it I wouldn't tell a soul grin

notanyanymore Sun 20-Oct-13 21:00:29

YABU, its her money to do with as she wishes. Its a shame she doesn't want to treat you, but equally you shouldn't expect her to either. Plus, you don't actually know that she won't yet either.

MajesticWhine Sun 20-Oct-13 21:01:11

If you actually have to ask her to take you out for a drink to celebrate, that's not going to be a whole lot of fun is it? I would forget about it - but learn your lesson, don't ever help her out again.

Putitonthelist Sun 20-Oct-13 21:02:06

Money always bring the worse out in people. If I won that amount of money I would treat my siblings to a holiday of a lifetime/new car or give them at least 10k. It's the root of all evil and it's sad that she's not even asked what she can do for you. Shame on her.

Mellowandfruitful Sun 20-Oct-13 21:04:47

You can't make her but you can say no when, in the future, she asks to borrow money. Which she will. It is mean and thoughtless of her to not even say she will take all the family out for a posh meal. But you will do better in the end as it sounds like she is terrible with money, thus will be back to square one in about five years.

Mellowandfruitful Sun 20-Oct-13 21:06:45

Have just worked out roughly what I would do with £150k and it involves putting about half on the mortgage, having a nice holiday and then saving the rest. But everyone in the family would have amazing Christmas presents this year. And I would certainly pay anyone back for money they had lent me in the past.

Viviennemary Sun 20-Oct-13 21:08:30

I thought you meant £150 as well and thought well she probably wants to treat herself first as it won't go that far. But £150K is a huge amount by anyone's standards. But it is a sad fact that some people do only think of themselves. Let's hope your sister isn't one of these and is planning some sort of treat for the family.

MysteriousHamster Sun 20-Oct-13 21:11:25

I wouldn't give my brother anything, but then he hasn't been there for me as you have your sister. I can understand why you feel a little bit put out, but really it's her money and not a huge amount in some ways (eg if she wants it for a house).

YANBU to feel hurt.
YABU to be expecting anything from her - she has prior form for not being generous with her own money and in fact needing to borrow from you. It would be more of a surprise if she was different now tbh.

Does she owe you anything still? "Congratulations, sis, that's allow you to pay me the £££ you owe me back" would be appropriate in that case.

NotScared Sun 20-Oct-13 21:16:39

I can see your point. She sounds hopeless with cash tbh.

Maybe she does have something planned? How long ago did she win it?

Exdh and I once won a few K, no more than 10 though. We took our closest family out in a limo to a posh hotel for a slap up meal. It was so special as my mother had always wanted to go in a limo (wasn't so popular then) and we surprised her and ILs. Dsis and Dbro were in on it. Dss didn't know and were over the moon. It gave us pleasure just seeing their faces.

Is your sister rather selfish?

songlark Sun 20-Oct-13 21:26:47

I suppose she always has been a bit selfish but it took something like this so show how much I suppose. The thing is I really feel like I don't even want to drop because I don't want her to feel shamed into treating me. I just want her to do it off her own back and to want to do it knowing the pleasure it would give. Like I said if it was me I would just love to treat her just to see her face. Surely that's the good thing about money, giving pleasure to others. It's been 4 weeks now so I don't hold out much hope. It's hard to explain but it's more important that she does the right thing than me getting anything. I don't want to feel bad about her and I just think she'd have more luck if she did the right thing.

usualsuspect Sun 20-Oct-13 21:28:18

Tight cow.

songlark Sun 20-Oct-13 21:28:57

I meant to say "drop a hint"

NotScared Sun 20-Oct-13 21:31:30

I wouldn't drop a hint either, am too proud. I'd mark it up for future though and wouldn't forget.

Lweji Portugal Sun 20-Oct-13 21:34:14

Someone earlier mentioned Christmas presents, so I'd wait for then.

Maybe mention something about her never needing to borrow money from you again and bing able to afford childcare?

I should get a stamp made with the following statement I use it so much on here and in RL <sigh>

You cannot change somebody else's behaviour, only how you react/respond to it.

You really can't.
If she is too self-centred/crap with money/mean/or whatever it may be to share it around a bit, then that's that.
You can let this fester and bother you for a long time or take the High Road and be content being able to know about the pleasure that giving to others brings.

Whenever I lie in bed spending my mythical lottery win, apart from the usual house etc, the most fun thing I can think of doing is to treat everyone/pay back everything we've had with interest and just be able do nice things for people. That's almost the best bit. I genuinely don't understand tight arsed people. Probably why i'm on my arse bones and everyone else isn't grin

lljkk Netherlands Sun 20-Oct-13 21:47:15

I am a greedy cow. I'd probably drop a hint.

edam Sun 20-Oct-13 21:48:43

Wow. I really hope she's got a big treat planned but is holding off telling you.

cozietoesie Sun 20-Oct-13 21:50:40

I doubt it. People who enjoy treating other people would have been round with the champers and chocolates the moment they had their hands on the money.

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