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why does she always call me fat?

(59 Posts)
FunnysInLaJardin Sun 20-Oct-13 20:43:10

I love my mother but she and my dad have always called me fat. I have been anywhere from 10 to 14 stone and I am always too fat.

She is staying with us for a couple of nights and I stupidly let my guard down and whilst looking at Hello said 'oh look at Andy Mc Dowell and her daughter, we should be like that'

She with out a breath said well I don't know where you got you genetics from as me and your father are both very skinny.

This happens a lot. I am a successful person with a lovely family and in a few words she makes me feel like shit.

Just another wedge I suppose, another little bitter comment to alienate me even further.

But why does she do it?

BTW she is a tiny size 6 I suppose and I am a 16-18. sad and angry

Treadheavily - I would say the same to your mum, with the addendum that if she calls your dd fat one more time, she won't be seeing her again. Neither you nor your dd deserve this cruelty, and you should protect both her and yourself.

You and Funnys are both beautiful people who deserve to be treated like the lovely ladies you are.

Darkesteyes Mon 21-Oct-13 17:39:35

YY SDTG There are a lot of emotionally abusive mothers out there busily proving that domestic abuse isnt only commited by partners.

Walkacrossthesand Mon 21-Oct-13 17:41:15

This thread has reminded me of a friend of my (late) DM, now in her 80s. Our families were close, and the friend struggled with her weight all her adult life - until post-menopause, since when she's been slim. Her daughter (my age) is very active, naturally slim (size 8-10) but I've only recently realised how focused their household is around size. The daughter got massively upset recently because she'd put on a few pounds. And I remembered the mum saying to me (when I'd put on weight a few years ago after overshooting the 'regaining after divorce diet' thing) - 'what a shame, you were so attractive when you were slim.' Wtf? I feel for the daughter, listening to that poison 'drip dripping' daily.

MadeOfStarDust Mon 21-Oct-13 17:55:06

another one with a "fattist" mum here..... I see her every other year as I cannot be bothered to travel to see someone who does not show any love or respect for me....

last time it was 8 min before she mentioned my weight (I time it every time) - in front of my 2 pre-teen daughters.... (I am overweight, she is overweight, they are not) - we had picked her up at the airport and waiting for the lift at the car park she said "we'll take the lift, your mummy needs to use the stairs really"

because she said it in front of my girls I actually asked her the classic "Did you mean to be so rude mum? What an unkind thing to say"

I actually got an "Oh? I'm sorry"..... and SHE DIDN'T MENTION MY WEIGHT AGAIN!

dobedobedo Mon 21-Oct-13 18:11:30

The last time I was pregnant, I hadn't seen my mum for ages and I showed up at her door, six months gone. She looked at me, after not seeing me for a year, and said "oh my goodness you've put on way too much weight" cheers mum. Can't diet now, can I? Grrr.

wordfactory Mon 21-Oct-13 18:49:22

Things I have said to my Aunt when she is being horrid to my cousin:

Auntie, I know you have issues around weight and I feel so sorry for you. Don't you think you might need to seek professional help?

Auntie, if a mother cannot act as her daughter's number one cheer leader, she'd not much use as a mother.

Auntie, I can only hope my daughter turns out as happy and successful as yours.

Auntie, stop being so silly. Your daughter is bloody georgous!

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 21-Oct-13 22:30:00

Thank you SDTG that brought a tear to my eye it really did. My mother can be lovely but that last comment has really done it for me and her. My father has done the same as has my middle sister and one nasty comment too many is really the straw. I will pick her up on it the next time and will be ready, but why should it come to this? I love her for who she is, why can't she love me back in the same way.

As an entirely side note, my middle sister has always suffered from awful depression. I have also had some very dark times and when one evening I said to her I know how awful it is to feel hellish she shot back 'how on earth would you know how any of this feels'. So another family member who has hardened my heart against them. I open up and get shot down because other than being fat I have the perfect life.

Fucking bitches thlgrin

anywinewilldo Mon 21-Oct-13 22:51:46

These comments really resonate with me too, but my DM takes a different line of attack. I have always been slim, but have always also been pretty flat-chested, 34AA at best.

My DM, usually at large family gatherings or when her friends pop round when we are visiting her, will say, if the conversation can possibly be steered in that direction "well, she's never had much up top" in my hearing or, turning to me in a group conversation, "well, you've never had much up top, have you?".........

WHY??sad

notagiraffe Mon 21-Oct-13 23:02:09

OP, it's so sad that this comes between you. Call her on it. Next time she says it, say: 'Why does my size upset you so much? You always say something about it, so it must matter to you. Why?' See what she says. Then you can actually talk to her about it. If she thinks you'd be happier, or more successful etc, you can put her right.

You could even wait until your sister is there too, so you can both ask her about it.

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