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Have you ever done this with your dp/dh?

(41 Posts)
Muchadoaboutnuthing Sun 20-Oct-13 14:47:21

Send naked photos? I started seeing a guy fairly recently, although we've been casual friends for years so I haven't just met him. We finished this weekend, well we're taking a break...a whole other thread. Basically I've just left a long and abusive marriage and we realised that it was a bad time to be starting something new.
But a few weeks ago me and the new bf were chatting on the phone one night...he had sent me a naked pic of himself the night before and he passed a comment that it would be nice for me to do the same. I just kind of laughed it off and it wasn't mentioned again until this weekend...we had a good chat about why we should have a break and he brought up the fact that I have many confidence issues, particularly around sex and intimacy. He wasn't being cruel...hes right and I'm starting counselling as I knew this myself. He commented on the fact that I wouldn't send the pic that time and that I found stuff like that difficult even though he views it as a healthy part of a relationship. I've been with my dh since I was 18 so have very limited experiences in relationships so I suppose I'm just wondering whether he's right and its a fairly typical thing to do in relationships?

No, you were right and he is a tool.

Nope, I personally wouldn't be turned in by naked text pictures and I would worry the DC would find them if they used my phone.

Nothing wrong with it, just not my cup of tea.

FriedSprout England Sun 20-Oct-13 14:52:54

Well I've not been in a new relationship for years, but aside from any confidence thing I would think that in a new relationship sending naked pictures is just a very dodgy thing to do. Once pics are in control of someone else, that's it as far as your control over them goes.

BerstieSpotts Sun 20-Oct-13 14:54:54

I have done it, happily.

It's just like anything else really - if it makes you feel uncomfortable then he shouldn't be pushing it. It doesn't matter what "everybody else" does, he isn't in a relationship with everybody else, he is in a relationship with you.

ScaryFucker Sun 20-Oct-13 14:55:20

So, this bloke accepts you have issues around sex and intimacy and then tries to make you feel guilty about not being coerced into sending naked pictures ?

Yes, he is a tool. I hope you don't take up with him again, make the "break" permanent this time.

FWIW, it doesn't matter what other couples do and there really is no such thing as "normal"

I often find that people who whine about something their partner refuses by saying it's "normal" are not quite "normal" themselves

EBearhug Sun 20-Oct-13 14:55:47

I've done it with someone I was in a distance relationship with. I didn't mind doing it, and they were nice enough that while I would prefer them not to end up on the internet and trusted him not to make them public, I could live with it if they did, so it was a calculated risk. They make me laugh more than turn me on.

But it was my choice - don't ever do it if you don't feel comfortable with it, or feel pressured into it. It may be a normal part of some relationships, but it's certainly not part of all relationships, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you if you don't want to do it.

Ragwort Sun 20-Oct-13 14:57:15

Absolutely not, some people might want to send such photographs but who knows where they could end up, you often read about people 'sharing' these sorts of pictures in all sorts of inappropriate places.

He really doesn't sound the right sort of guy for you.

CailinDana Sun 20-Oct-13 14:59:09

No it's not typical to expect your partner to do anything sexual that you are not happy with regardless of how "normal" you might perceive it to be. Clearly he is emotionally immature and quite selfish so breaking up is a good idea.

BrianWont Sun 20-Oct-13 14:59:11

Once you have released a digital image of yourself you lose all control over it. If you would not be happy to see a naked image of yourself in the Post Office window, or on the side of a bus, I recommend you don't do it.

He sounds like a twat, by the way. You're well rid.

HopeS01 Sun 20-Oct-13 15:03:04

I might be on my own here but I think it's okay ... blush
Maybe not now that I'm 6 months pregnant though wink

niceupthedance Sun 20-Oct-13 15:07:52

My rule is don't send anything you wouldn't be happy to see on the side of a bus wink

So if that's no pictures at all, don't send them! It's just a preference like many other things, I think.

Locketjuice Sun 20-Oct-13 15:13:42

I have sent and recieved pictures, even with dp now if he texts me moaning how shitty his day is I might send one to cheer him up smile

Capitaltrixie Sun 20-Oct-13 15:15:22

It's not my cup of tea either OP. And actually none of the partners from
prev long-term relationships have ever asked..just one guy who I went to two dates with, but then I thought he was a bit of a knob to be honest and didn't see him again anyway!

Never do something you're uncomfortable with.

Vivacia Sun 20-Oct-13 15:16:26

I wouldn't do this.

Yama Netherlands Sun 20-Oct-13 15:18:18

Once sent, you have no control over the photo. The receiver could lose their phone. Besides this chap doesn't sound trustworthy.

Sending nude photos is illegal by the way. It breaks some kind of communications legislation.

smokinaces Sun 20-Oct-13 15:18:56

I do pictures, as does boyfriend, but if they are any form of naked they are headless. And we haven't done genitalia shots, mostly boobs, nipples, bum etc and actually mostly in underwear. its something you have to be fully happy and comfortable with - his mum ended up seeing one of me in my underwear, and one of her opening lines to me first time we met was "nice boobs". Luckily I am comfortable and happy enough to be relaxed and laugh at this - if there is any chance you aren't, dont send.

Vivacia Sun 20-Oct-13 15:20:35

I had a house mate at uni who had a lovely girlfriend, quite shy and very pretty. She returned to her home country and a couple of days later I was in his room and he'd left out some sexy photos of her casually laying on his bed. He asked me what I thought (I hadn't actually noticed until he drew my attention to them). He'd also allowed our other (male) house mates to see the photos. I felt so, so sorry for his girlfriend.

Vivacia Sun 20-Oct-13 15:23:46

Luckily I am comfortable and happy enough to be relaxed and laugh at this

My thought is that I wouldn't be comfortable and happy and relaxed and laughing it off if they ended up on some website, or passed around his mates if we split up.

Ragwort Sun 20-Oct-13 15:25:56

I must be a prude as the thought of my boyfriend's mother viewing pictures of me naked horrifies me shock.

This just smacks of cool girlfriend syndrome to me.
Not so cool when you realise that all his mates have seen the pics...

2013go Sun 20-Oct-13 15:38:23

Doesn't matter whether others do it or not- if it's not for you it's not for you.
Sounds to me like what your dp didn't like was the fact you had boundaries, not the fact you had 'intimacy issues' or whatever headmessing phrase he used.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 20-Oct-13 15:40:48

Not wanting to send naked pictures of yourself to people is not a sign of sexual insecurity or confidence issues.

GiveItYourBestShot Sun 20-Oct-13 15:44:37

You need to trust the person on the receiving end. And you need to want to do it! Sounds like neither of these apply to you. Which is Absolutely OK.

GiveItYourBestShot Sun 20-Oct-13 15:45:59

2013go has put it better than me!

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