Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Huge row over savings - who's in the wrong? I think 50/50? :(

(111 Posts)
MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 10:59:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeckSwabber Sun 20-Oct-13 12:09:19

Its certainly a shared responsibility.

My ex was hopeless with money as well and just threw bank statements in the bin unopened. Once when I 'booked in' some time to talk through finances he turned on the telly, lay down on the floor in front of it with a beer and said, 'so what do you want to talk about?'. He also used to do most of his spending in cash so it was hard to know where the money was actually going (a growing music collection in the corner was a big clue). So I know how frustrating it is.

I think more regular checking of the account is needed. Daily if necessary.

Could you transfer the planned savings amount at the beginning of the month (or payday) so that your account looks less healthy?

Identify treats and find a cheaper alternative? eg cinema night becomes DVD night with home made popcorn? Have 'cheap eats' nights where you have to feed everyone for £1?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 20-Oct-13 12:11:26

I agree with sneezecakesmum. This is a teamwork & conflict resolution problem. You have an income, various fixed expenditures, a savings goal ...... and you're not sticking to the plan because of discretionary spending getting out of hand. As a team you should be able to agree a budget and keep to it without it being one person giving or withholding money from the other and without it descending into a big argument.

I'd suggest four accounts... a joint one for household expenses, small personal accounts each for personal spends, and a joint savings account that you 'pay first' with a standing order.

Helennn Sun 20-Oct-13 12:19:56

Dont take on all the blame for this. He has happily left it all to you, has enjoyed a fabulous holiday this summer and enjoyed buying other such luxuries. Has he once checked if you could afford this? Has he once asked how the savings were going?

Sounds like he wants it all ways, and when it doesn't happen he can absolve himself of guilt by blaming it on you. Horrible man!

Nagoo Sun 20-Oct-13 12:20:45

So when he wants something he puts it on the credit card. And then it's your responsibility to make sure it's paid off? He sees no relationship between what he spends and what you have left to save?

You should have told him his overspending meant you had no savings. You are protecting him from that reality, and preventing him from being able to make an informed decision.

By becoming the manager, you've taken on he responsibilty to guide, inform and also override him. If he doesn't like it, he's going to have to be his own boss.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:36:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:38:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dededum Sun 20-Oct-13 12:43:11

MMP - I do wonder if men like this need specialist counselling? There is definitely a black spot in my DP's understanding of finances, however much we talk about it.

I can make sacrifices in my personal spending but if he doesn't then one ends thinking 'Why the f**k do I bother?' because the pain isn't shared.

DeckSwabber Sun 20-Oct-13 12:44:29

Mr Micawber's famous recipe for happiness:

"Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen [pounds] nineteen [shillings] and six [pence], result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."

Even £1/day adds up to £365 a year, either frittered away or saved.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:46:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:47:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:48:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hatpin Sun 20-Oct-13 12:48:20

And that is why you must stop using the credit card.

Cash back or no, the credit card means you overspend, whereas the 4 account scenario will give you better control.

DeckSwabber Sun 20-Oct-13 12:48:48

That is weird behaviour.

Hatpin Sun 20-Oct-13 12:49:11

And no overdraft facility on your personal accounts.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:51:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeckSwabber Sun 20-Oct-13 12:51:11

Are you saving up for something in particular?

To be honest I would worry that even if you get to your target your husband will simply blow it all come April.

Make sure its locked up, maybe a high interest fixed bond.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:53:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 12:53:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 20-Oct-13 12:57:45

Get netflix and a coffee machine.

It does seem like he thinks you're sneaking money away to pay for fripperies without telling him. Ask him directly - does he think you're lying? I'd be very wary of putting the savings in his account btw.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 13:01:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Preciousbane Sun 20-Oct-13 13:03:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittiesInsane Sun 20-Oct-13 13:03:18

Why are you putting the savings in his name, if he has form for spending them all?

MummytoMog Sun 20-Oct-13 13:06:30

I have a lot of sympathy for you - and well done for having no debt, we have loads (directly attributable to having a credit card grrr and mostly my fault tbh) but as we've just increased our mortgage and need to pay to fit a new kitchen, I've really been cutting down on our food shopping and bills. Then OH will go out for dinner three times in one week and bye bye budgeting. Argh. I've never yet been able to explain to him in a way he can understand that going to the mini market every day for 'odds and ends' is not a cost effective way of doing food shopping. Getting to the point where I want an account set up for all bills, and then an account I let him use. He has never checked our personal account in the last few years, I'm the one who has to look at the massive overdraft and work out where the money can go.

MoneyMoneyProblems Sun 20-Oct-13 13:06:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now