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Internet Dating..... A Question???

(48 Posts)
FelineSad Sat 19-Oct-13 07:36:02

So I've entered the murky world of internet dating. I have a profile with a perfectly normal photo. One that is good enough to establish whether or not you would be physically repulsed by me or notsmile.

I chat to men and they keep asking me for 'more photos'. I really didn't understand it because they've seen my photo, chatted and we seem to be getting along ok so couldn't understand why they would need more photos.

Now I'm wondering if they mean more intimate photos, underwear ones etc etc. So could someone enlighten me? Is this what they mean when they ask for more photos?? obviously I wouldn't send any but I was chatting for several days to someone who seemed really nice. he then asked for 'more photos' and when they didn't materialise has disappeared into the ether?

feelinlucky Mon 21-Oct-13 17:09:33

Bant. An update! So, following your wise advice I'm little miss popular today smile thank you

Bant Mon 21-Oct-13 11:41:18

feelin - you do get the same profiles from Match on POF, generally - people use multiple sites all the time as OD is generally a numbers game.

But - you don't have to wade through quite as much dross on the paid sites. There is still dross, you will still get marrieds and knobshots and idiots, but not quite so many of them as on the free sites.

Personally I prefer OK cupid as you can immediately tell whether someone has invested time in filling out questions and stuff, not just put up a blank profile and started winking at people (I really don't understand why people do that - both men and women - do they think their wink is somehow so seductive that you'll be interested in talking to someone with no photos or description?)

So OKC is free but better quality than POF - I'd say it's on a par with Match for dross/normal ratio. POF is just depressing.

PM me any profiles you want a blokes perspective on.

feelinlucky Mon 21-Oct-13 11:03:22

I don't mind someone having a look . Any takers pm me.

CuChullain Mon 21-Oct-13 10:38:16

@ feelinlucky

You should post your profile on here for some constructive MN feedback!

(if you are feeling brave)

feelinlucky Mon 21-Oct-13 10:31:50

I'm going through a very dry patch on Pof at the moment. I've changed my profile A bit and wondering if I've gone wrong somewhere. I've tried match and it's ok but I do think you find the same guys on the free sites so it feels like a little bit of a waste of money. Friends have encouraged guardian soul mates but I think it's heavily weighted with London folk and therefore the options are sparse for me. Again, I've seen the same guys on the free sites. Has anyone tried a formal dating agency?

CuChullain Mon 21-Oct-13 10:29:56

@monstermissy

Without giving details where do you live? At one point I was using both match and Time Out, the latter being much more London specific but also yielded plenty of dates, might be worth a look?

Also, it might be stating the obvious but have you taken time to write up an interesting profile? Have you had some trusted mates to read it and provide feedback? I was very surprised how many women left blank profiles or some glib line like "Hi, if you want to know more email me" which is hardly alluring! Also, there were lots of people who wrote at length at what they did not like in a partner rather then looking at the positives. It gets a bit depressing reading a check list of "must be over 6ft, must have gone to uni, must earn over x, must love classical music, must go to the gym, must not be bald".

Finally, how proactive are you in terms of sending emails or winks yourself? There also seems to be a strange school of thought by a large minority of women out there who seem to think that it is only the men who should do the chasing while they sit back and wait for the date offers to role in.

CuChullain Mon 21-Oct-13 10:17:26

If you have three or four 'normal' photos that convey your appearence and these men are asking for 'more' then sadly they are probably looking for cheap thrills, as if you have a ready stash of soft porn shots at your disposal just in case some stranger asks for them! On the flip side, these losers have done you a favour and made it much easier for you to put them on ignore! I have no experience of POF but I did meet Mrs CuChullain via match.com, which seemed to have lots of people actually looking for a relationships rather then casual flings.

Bant Mon 21-Oct-13 09:47:35

Qwerty - I think men can ask for more photos for several different reasons - obviously there are the morons who are fishing for wank fodder, and some might be suspicious they're talking to a truck driver from Colchester named Dave, but if there are only face shots, it's only fair to ask for a full body picture to see the rest of someone.

I saw a date go disastrously wrong a few months ago, when I was reading my book in a cafe in town. A woman turned up, checked her phone to match the faces of men to the photo, saw the guy she was meeting and sat down with him. He did a visible double- take, however because her face was very pretty and slim, but her body was significantly larger, and she'd chosen to wear a boob tube (or whatever they're called nowadays) which left rolls of fat hanging over her too-tight waistband. It was really not the best choice. She may have been lovely, witty, and fantastic company but the guy was obviously trying to match the face to the body and getting annoyed she'd misled him.

It's like a bloke turning up for a date and being only 5'2 when he made himself out to be 6'.

So, I've learned to ask for full length photos if they only have a facial pic, not because I only date slim women (I actually prefer non-skinny) but because I want to know how honest they are. I only do that after several exchanges of messages though.

If they won't send one then I generally go off them. I'll send more of me if they're not happy with the three or four I've got.

POF is Plenty of fish. I met my husband on there.

Twiddlebum Mon 21-Oct-13 04:15:36

What's POF?

FolkGirl Mon 21-Oct-13 04:02:56

If I message someone I keep it short and sweet. Say something nice and positive and then put the ball in their court if they want to chat.

Think about the sort of message you'd want to receive.

FolkGirl Mon 21-Oct-13 03:43:11

Monster I felt a little bit odd to begin with. Whenever someone looked at me in the supermarket or the petrol station I wondered if they'd recognised me... I sometimes feel like I'm walking around on a parade float, and then I realised that, even if they did, it didn't matter anyway!

You could just as easily recognise them. And what would you think if you did?

"I recognise him, I wonder where from... he doesn't look like someone I'd encounter normally... Oh he's probably on Match... Which apples shall I get today?"

Firstly, I did see someone I recognised from there and that is precisely the thought process I had.

Secondly, when you meet someone you've been chatting to for a couple of weeks, and whose photos you've studied intently several times, you still worry you won't recognise them. The chance of someone recognising you because they've seen your face on a search result is very slim.

And thirdly, so what if they did! They'd have only seen you because they were also on there for exactly the same reason you are!

I'm going to PM you too smile

feelinlucky Sun 20-Oct-13 22:38:20

Monster you're just as entitled to date as anyone else. There is no shame.

monstermissy Sun 20-Oct-13 22:26:51

Thanks smile think I may have to try other sites... Tho I see the same faces on the main sites and I refuse to use pof. I'm not really comfortable with having my pics on display ( it's taking me sometime to realise no one will snigger 'that's the bird from match' at me in the supermarket) I'll keep trying though! smile bloody really feeling lonely this week and it annoys me.

feelinlucky Sun 20-Oct-13 22:14:17

Monster, don't worry you are not alone. I have no answers for you but I can guarantee it's nothing whatsoever to do with you. If you can be patient just stick with it. Maybe try widening the net and trying other sites too.

QwertyQueen Sun 20-Oct-13 22:02:53

fwiw
I have started chatting to a guy through internet dating, and he hasn't asked for any more photos (I only showed 2 face shots), and when chatting to my therapist she said she was surprised he hadn't asked for more photos, because most men do...

monstermissy Sun 20-Oct-13 21:50:06

Oh someone tell me where I'm going wrong with this online dating. I've been on match for about 4 weeks and apart from a couple of messages with 'hi' or just 'x' ( not for me) that's it really. Some winks and that's it. I've tried messaging a few people... Nothing! I'm 36 and feeling I clearly am finished and on the heap! I don't meet people in my job really. I'm running out of ideas and hope and feeling really miserable about it hmm when you message men online what stuff do you put in email? I've got 3 pics on, pics that I've had in fb that people have said were good etc maybe I'm just fugly!!

JaceyBee Sun 20-Oct-13 21:22:49

Ah ok. Sounds a bit rubbish anyway, unfortunately.

Yeah, he's Muslim too. It's a v messy and complex situation that doesn't bode well for me but, it is what it is!

FelineSad Sun 20-Oct-13 21:08:51

Jacey No it's Matchmenow.com. Nothing to do with Fb.

Actually I can probably guess and they're probably the same reasons I didn't end up marrying my Muslim ex...

JaceyBee Sun 20-Oct-13 20:44:22

Is that simplymatchme.com? Coz that is just Asians isn't it? Through fb? That might explain a lot!

To be honest, I don't really know. I'm not really an integrated part of his life, for reasons you can probably guess. (Although I doubt it!)

FelineSad Sun 20-Oct-13 20:22:35

Jacey thanks apology accepted!

It is MatchMe. com. (Because I am an idiot and thought it was Match.com!!)

Don't suppose your partner has any single hot friends??? wink

JaceyBee Sun 20-Oct-13 20:01:11

Yeah ok OP, I do see what you mean. Just came across a bit off in your previous post. But I stand corrected smile

Btw, which site was this? Coz right now a plethora of young Asian guys to pick from sounds quite appealing, illiterate or not! wink

FelineSad Sun 20-Oct-13 19:55:42

Jacey There's always one isn't there??!!! I was actually engaged to an Asian guy about 15 years a go and nearly converted to Islam so have no issue with anyone educated.

The fact that they are Asian suggests to me that they are possible after marrying some desperate older woman (48) to get a passport. the fact that they are practically illiterate suggests to me that they are not British born and therefore don't hold a British passport.

When a plethora of 20-30 year old illiterate Asian guys contact an obviously educated 48 financially secure woman I am not under any illusions that it is my wit and charm they are after. And for the record I have not had one white guy under the age of 40 contact me illiterate or otherwise.

JaceyBee Sun 20-Oct-13 16:08:00

What's wrong with Asian guys?? My man is Asian and he's the hottest guy I've ever known.

Fair enough you're not into young illiterate guys that's your choice but it was a tad unnecessary to refer to their race? Would you have said 'young illiterate white guys'? Probably not.

feelinlucky Sun 20-Oct-13 15:57:59

I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me. I never get asked for naked photos!!! In fact, I'm beginning to think there's some kind if Pof conspiracy, I only get deeply unattractive men looking at me smile they're usually hgv lorry drivers! It's a conspiracy I tell you.

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