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Internet dating? Does it actually work?

(19 Posts)
hopefulordeluded Wed 16-Oct-13 23:30:56

Have joined a site as I'm just not meeting the people I want to locally. I have found a man who seems really nice, ticks all my boxes and is saying the right things. Obviously the next step is to talk more and eventually meet (we are not in the same bits of the country but i have made it clear i would move for the right man) to see how we get on.

am i deluding myself this could work? Is it even possible to find someone like this?

prayerbook Wed 16-Oct-13 23:33:02

Yes it can work. My Internet date and I have been married for 5 and a half years. But there were some odd people too.

KringleCandleLover Wed 16-Oct-13 23:37:16

Yes it can... Met my dh on an online dating site and have been together 9 years.

Walkacrossthesand Wed 16-Oct-13 23:38:57

Well, it's obviously possible, because people have made successful relationships/marriages through OD, and maybe you've struck lucky - but keep your wits 100% about you, don't be so hopeful that you are crushed when he vanishes/turns out to be not quite what he seemed/etc - and certainly don't be sweet-talked into 'loaning' him money, no matter how convincing his story! Good luck - there's a perpetual dating thread on the board to share your highs and lows.

OhWesternWind Wed 16-Oct-13 23:40:14

There are some very odd people, that's true, but there are everywhere. But I also found someone (on Match) who is absolutely wonderful and who makes me happier than I've been with anyone.

But don't get too hung up on someone you've not met yet. Most dates are perfectly pleasant but don't go anywhere and I think that basically it's a numbers game. Took me twenty or so dates to find this lovely man. There are some very good rules on the dating thread - ignore them at your peril smile

brokenhearted55a Thu 17-Oct-13 01:38:55

I've not had much luck. Psychos and time wasters

PaulineWhatsername Thu 17-Oct-13 01:51:41

I'd say don't put all your eggs in one basket. Getting on great when you're messaging isn't the same as RL. I'd say meet them within a couple of weeks as the chances are there won't be that spark/chemistry when you actually meet.

Don't invest emotionally in someone you haven't met or you will get hurt. Don't get fixated on just one because then it hurts when that one turns out not to be the fantasy figure you'd built them up to be.

Get over to the Dating Thread - they will look after you.

tillyo Thu 17-Oct-13 01:53:44

Yep it works been married for 4 years after meeting online. Did have some odd dates but nothing bad happened. X

Had some weird dates, but most were fine. I met some interesting and nice men but no spark and then met DP. Been together for 4 years, engaged and baby is due in 5 weeks.

Best tips to meet fairly soon, don't get too invested in one person based on messages only, really and truly be yourself in your profile and that you are under no obligation to anybody except yourself.

I used the Guardian Soulmates as Guardian readers seemed most likely to be my type or have mutual interests. As it turns out DP and I have moved in the same arty/music circles for the be part of a decade without ever meeting.

catfishnz Thu 17-Oct-13 03:59:46

Lots of success stories! I often hesitate to tell people I met my husband online. But we have been together 10 years now and have 3 kids. I also met some other nice men who I am still friends with. There are definitely some strange people and the liars and time wasters but I guess I looked at it as experience. And it makes you get out and about meeting people. I like the advice above about don't invest emotionally before you meet them and do it sooner rather than later.

SourSweets Thu 17-Oct-13 05:14:26

I met mine at and we've been married just over a year and have a 10 week old baby.

I did have a lot of crap dates before him, but then I did in real life too, hence turning to the Internet!

Married 8 years and 3 dc since smile

GinAndIt Thu 17-Oct-13 07:23:44

Yes, it's possible. I met my dp online; we've been together for 2.5 years and marriage is on the cards smile. My brother also met his dp online and they are having a baby in January.

However... I dated on and off for a lonnnnnnng time before I met him. I didn't meet any weirdos, but I did meet a few disappointments, dullards and cads! Lots of nice interesting men too, just no clicks.

It's highly unlikely that this chap will turn out to be The One - don't get invested. Enjoy it for what it is atm, meeting someone new.

Stay safe, and have fun!

Charotte31 Thu 17-Oct-13 07:32:08

My best friend met her DH of 4 years on a dating site. They are a prefect match! They now have a beautiful DS and couldn't be happier! smile

WonderWomanInAOnesie Thu 17-Oct-13 08:08:20

I agree with everyone who said meet them quickly. I had a bad experience where I spoke to someone online and on the phone for months, but because of distances involved we couldn't meet straight away. When we did meet it was awkward and he seemed nothing like the person I "knew". I put some of it down to nerves but it definitely didn't feel right. Took a long time to extricate myself from that one.

I also had a few disasters in terms of men not looking like their photos because they had chosen old, flattering ones. And a couple who were just dickheads -but you get them everywhere not just online!

All that said though, as a naturally shy person who doesn't get out much, online dating was brilliant for me. Chatting beforehand gave me the confidence to approach someone, I could never ever go up to someone I liked the look of even if I did go "out", which I didn't really. I met my now husband online and we are very happy.

All that said though, it

WonderWomanInAOnesie Thu 17-Oct-13 08:08:53

Whoops, ignore that last bit.

Whenever people ask if online dating "works" I think, define "works". For me it does work because it gives me the opportunity to meet men who are my type who I wouldn't get to meet otherwise. I don't have female friends up here to go on the prowl with, and I don't get to meet single men doing the activities I enjoy.

Now, whether the men I meet online turn out to be great relationships is another matter, but then my track record of good relationships with men I've met face to face normally hasn't been great. So, in my experience, although OD allows attached men and timewasters to behave badly with ease, once you hone your radar it's better than trying to meet someone IRL.

My tips would definitely be to meet someone really quickly rather than chat for ages, because the only way to gauge chemistry is face to face. I spent way too long emailing men who I didn't even meet because whilst their messages were lovely they sounded weird on the phone!

Writerwannabe83 Thu 17-Oct-13 09:12:27

I met my husband online smile

He was the 3rd date I had so definitely 3rd time lucky smile

hopefulordeluded Thu 17-Oct-13 11:43:01

Its a fairly specialised site (not match etc) so I think that might help? Its not a common place, so far at least, for those wanting to just add notches to the bed post.

I am not sure when we will get to meet, but am definitely going to see what can be worked out smile As you say its easy to find someone who talks the talk..!
The guy I like so far says he is very shy, is a bit younger then me and I think I believe him.

Fingers crossed smile Will head over to the boards for a nosy smile

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