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what do u make of this text exchange?

(83 Posts)
rarerabbitt Wed 16-Oct-13 11:09:03

basically i accidentally stumbled on a text conversation when dps phone rang and it rang off back to the text page

a lot of texts from a womans name ive never heard of lets call her A

DP - what happened with u and x(male collegue)
A - nothing he just got cuddles like you smile
DP - well i think more happened with X
A- maybe ill propose u can be a bridesmaid
DP - great ill send u my dress size

a couple of days later

is B (another female name ) helping this week?
A - hope not shes useless theres a few people thatd like to slap her
DP you would definatly win in a fight when are you back? your much better looking
A not sure
dp - i need the eye candy

next day

DP any more news on u and X?
A no
DP does that mean im in with a chance?
A - no im staying away from boys
DP im going to jump of the nearest bridge then

later that evening when he was out at the pub

a pic of him and a male collegue
A - i miss my pals
DP we miss u too

what do you make of this i havent said anything yet but hes never mentioned this woman to me so i find it al a bit odd and upsetting i dont want him to think im snooping.

been together 9 years 2 dc and i thought we were happy enough sad

GobblersKnob Wed 16-Oct-13 11:36:15

Banter where I work is far worse grin and I love my dp to distraction.

coppertop Wed 16-Oct-13 11:36:28

The texts read as though they were sent by a teenage boy to a girl he fancies.

I would ask him to read those texts out loud. I think sometimes people can get carried away with texting and forget that those are 'real' words. Having to say them out loud to his dp may just make him wake up to what he has actually been saying to another woman.

Cat98 Wed 16-Oct-13 11:36:48

Not the sort of banter my dh would be having and expect to stay with me. Sorry but I feel strongly about this sort of thing, having been around loads of men who cheat and also behave like this with other women. My thoughts are always with their poor wives who haven't got a clue.
Not saying your dh is cheating op, but regardless I'd be livid, it's so disrespectful.

HotCrossPun Wed 16-Oct-13 11:37:03

It's clear flirting on his part, if she responded I think he would cheat.

You need to decide whether or not this is something you can move on from since it doesn't look like he has actually cheated yet (with this woman).

For me, that would be a dealbreaker. It shows a complete lack of respect for you and your relationship

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 16-Oct-13 11:37:06

@oscarwilde... It's not the female colleague's job to keep the OP's partner on the straight and narrow. She presumably already knows he's married with kids. If he's persistent and she's single and she fancied a bunk-up on the work trip... who's going to blame her if she responds to the flatter? Certainly not me. The conversation has to be with the DP. He's the one to warn off.

Cat98 Wed 16-Oct-13 11:38:41

I agree, I wouldn't blame the other girl, assuming she's single - it doesn't sound like she's doing much to encourage this guy from the text exchange posted!

ICameOnTheJitney Wed 16-Oct-13 11:39:56

Banter happens fact to face...not by text! OP I would hit the roof...absolutely NO excuses for this.

HotCrossPun Wed 16-Oct-13 11:40:04

tingle1 Really? Precious? Its not precious to expect your DP to be faithful to you and not go round chasing other women like a hormonal schoolboy. If you would be totally okay with that then it says a lot more about you and your relationship that the OP.

ICameOnTheJitney Wed 16-Oct-13 11:40:39

And what "cuddles" is she talking about? When? Sounds very off.

TeaAndSconesTwice Wed 16-Oct-13 11:41:32

Sounds like flirting, although I would say he likes her & she is not interested.
Problem is though if she was interested what could/would happen.
I wouldn't be happy with this.

LaRegina Wed 16-Oct-13 11:42:54

To me it sounds like a bit of heavy duty flirting. I would say nothing physical has happened but IMO your P had definitely crossed a line and is being totally disrespectful to you sad

I would spell it out to him that that kind of exchange is absolutely not on. TBH for me it would be enough to question the whole relationship - finding something like that would give me major trust issues.

Sorry this has happened op.

oscarwilde Wed 16-Oct-13 11:47:59

I agree Cogito, however in this instance FB is a useful way of putting a face to a wife and family if none exists on his profile. The OP may not want to push the big nuclear button just yet, especially if another woman is prepared to point out to her husband that he is making a fool out of himself, being totally inappropriate in a work environment and if he doesn't cease and desist, it will be a harassment conversation with HR.
Occasionally it can be handy to have someone else point out this stuff. We've all made fools of ourself occasionally (though not necessarily like this) and would prefer that our nearest and dearest weren't aware of it.

eurochick Wed 16-Oct-13 11:53:29

It's clearly flirtatious. I'd want to know about the reference to cuddles in your shoes.

bless you. i would feel sick to the stomach.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Wed 16-Oct-13 12:01:25

I wouldn't be with someone so clearly chasing someone else and doing it sounding like a 15 year old.

PatoBanton Wed 16-Oct-13 12:02:57

It's flirting, no doubt about that - sounds like the sort of pathetic shite some blokes come out with when they're at work and think their wife is a safe bet at home and they can just try and prove they still 'have it' iykwim...but they don't...

I wouldn't think he is in with a chance with her but to me, I could not sustain a relationship with a man who was so crap. sad

PatoBanton Wed 16-Oct-13 12:03:50

Sorry that sounds like I'm saying you're married to a dick...I didn't mean it that way. He's probably got some good qualities.

Jan45 Wed 16-Oct-13 12:07:18

This is not normal work banter, it's more than that, it's blatant flirting on a scale that would start an affair or at least he's trying to perhaps get something going with this woman.

I'd be asking him why he feels the need for a start, it couldn't be any more disrespectful towards you as his wife.

idococktailshedoesbeer Wed 16-Oct-13 12:07:45

I think it's flirting, an ego boost for them both. She really does sound a delight, loving the attention from blokes and hating the women.

You need to tell your DP it must stop immediately. Tell him exactly how you felt reading those text messages. You should be the most important person in his life and he should be mortified he has upset you. He should be happy to show you their exchanges until you feel you can trust him again.

MerryMarigold Wed 16-Oct-13 12:08:18

It's very flirty and could lead somewhere. Agree with taking photos of messages somehow and then confronting him about it. Would he like it if you had that kind of banter with a man?

rarerabitt Wed 16-Oct-13 12:18:26

The thing about jumping off a bridge is what got me why say that (jokeingly ) when u already have a partner (we aren't married) at home with your kids?

And why be so intrested in what's happening or happened with her and this other bloke?

He's tagged in pics of the kids on fb doesn't put anything on his fb himself really he's not that in to it.

It just puts question on everything and the fact he's been having sex with me whilst sending these texts makes my skin crawl

He doesn't like me dealing with other blokes full stop let alone texting them crap with kisses on the end!

Twinklestein Wed 16-Oct-13 12:20:35

nothing he just got cuddles like you

Cuddles could mean anything from a hug to a bunk up...

What would alarm me is how persistently he is pursuing her, the only thing that seems to be holding him back is her lack of enthusiasm.

MortifiedAdams Wed 16-Oct-13 12:21:54

he just got cuddles like you Wtaf?!?

MortifiedAdams Wed 16-Oct-13 12:22:11

Oh xpost

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 16-Oct-13 12:23:37

"Occasionally it can be handy to have someone else point out this stuff"

Oh yes... cowardice really does a lot for self-esteem. hmm I think you're quite wrong. The OP has to say I don't like this behaviour and it is disrespectful to me. Not delegate it to HR departments or hope random female colleagues sort him out.

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