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Going out - or not!

(34 Posts)
hadagutsfull Sun 13-Oct-13 22:39:50

I've never posted in relationships before so please be gentle with me! H used to be very sociable and we used to go out a lot and had a good circle of friends. However over the years he's grown less and less sociable, to the extent that we see none of these friends now. If we do go out we go out as a couple mostly.

We've been invited to a party by a friend of mine. She's put a lot of effort into it and it will be a lovely evening. I would love to go. H doesn't want to because (a) it's too far aware (30 mins drive max) and (b) they're not his type of people(!).

I can understand that he may not want to go, although I would like us to go as a couple. However, he's not happy for me to go without him either. Is this normal? Would you force the issue and go without him? I can go with another couple so it's no problem for me to get there and back. It probably sounds childish but this is one of my closest friends and I really don't want to miss it.

PerpendicularVince Mon 14-Oct-13 20:36:23

Glad you're feeling a bit better today hadagutsfull, and are taking more control. hellsbells put it perfectly when she said that you are the boss of you, not your DH.

It's far healthier for your DS to see a normal adult relationship, rather than one filled with tension and where one of the partnership is being controlled.

If we see you on the topic again we'll be here to support you, mumsnet is great for that smile.

Lweji Mon 14-Oct-13 21:13:32

I suspect your moods will always affect you because they are not moods, they are punishments.
He will do his best to affect you.

You really need to tell him that he will lose you if he keeps that attitude.

This reminds me when my now exH refused to go to my sister's (virtually the only people in my family he tolerated) for New Year's Eve. It was only after dinner for a couple of hours at the most and basically down the road. I couldn't care less then and I went with DS.
We barely lasted to the beginning of March, as he turned violent because he couldn't control me with his "moods".

Lweji Mon 14-Oct-13 21:14:33

Ups, not your moods, his!!!

JoinYourPlayfellows Mon 14-Oct-13 21:38:17

"Everything is worth the aggravation."

A thousand times this.

It is SO worth the aggravation to live a life you are happy with and socialise with your friends.

If he won't allow it, then you need to tell him to fuck off elsewhere and get a pet to boss around.

hadagutsfull Mon 14-Oct-13 22:29:18

Thanks Vince - I am feeling better today and a lot of that is due to the support from you all. Thank you so much. Hellsbells did make a good point and I am thinking about that a lot.

Lweji his moods grin are a punishment and we need talk about this and where we go from here. I'm too tired tonight though - didn't sleep well last night and have been very busy in work. It will wait.

Playfellows I've been unhappy with some aspects of my life for some time now if I'm honest. I need to have a long hard think about it and decide what is more important to me. I'm not perfect, far from it - who is? - but I think I'm pretty easy going. I just want to live a happy, peaceful life with someone who respects me as a person in might own right. Not too much to ask!

Hi there
Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.
And NO, it's not too much to ask.
It's what we all have a RIGHT to.
You are now realising and maybe you can talk him round.
But I doubt it very much!
Good luck with your talk. Keep us updated.
And most of all - if he is behaving like an arse - ignore ignore ignore and then go out and enjoy your party without a 2nd thought about his moody arse at home sulking!

I understand you!
I am sure my mil would too.
I think some men don't feel the need to have friends at certain age.
yet I think it's unhealthy if they aren't happy for you to socialise.
Maybe you could ask him to stay for an hour or drop you there and back. Men are so awkward sometimes they really are!! ;-)

flippingebay Thu 17-Oct-13 15:24:45

Go go go unless you put your foot down now it will only get worse, right up to the point he's telling you what to think or wear.

Jan45 Thu 17-Oct-13 17:28:11

Fair enough, he doesn't want to go and doesn't feel nice enough to go just for you to support, but at the same time he expects you not to go????? Is he for real - what a bloody cheek, I really hope you tell him where to go if he does actually say this to you. He sounds awful, and controlling.

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