Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

(1001 Posts)
Whatnext074 Sat 12-Oct-13 23:52:29

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

CCTVmum Sun 13-Oct-13 01:13:54

Disconnect from FB, don't torture yourself anymore.

Are you a bit tipsy? Try to go to bed and sleep. You have a wonderful DS who would be destroyed without you. Just think of DS from now on. It does get easier it is just raw the wounds do heal honest.

He is a cheat and he will do this to her soon too as it is who he will be delighted one day and realise how much better your life is without the cheating twab in your life!

Watch soaps or lurk old posts here on MN if you cant concentrate or sleep. You are not alone.

Mellowandfruitful Sun 13-Oct-13 01:14:06

08457 90 90 90

Ring them. You just need to get through the night for now. For your son.

Its0kToBeMe Sun 13-Oct-13 01:17:15

Yes there is somebody in RL. There's you and DS. I've been where you are. I was shocked at my body's physical reaction when I found photos of DH and OW. Fuck'em both. You sound lovely. Keep posting here x

SavoyCabbage Sun 13-Oct-13 01:27:09

Your son is more important than any man.

You will get through it. You don't have to measure how slowly or quickly you don't compared to,other people.

JackyDanny Sun 13-Oct-13 01:29:42

Oh no sad

I wish I could make you feel better...

What you are going through is part of the process, there is no quick easy way.
This mad grief is the start of the healing process...

You are not alone, many of us walked this dark rocky road,
two steps forward, one back, even falling down...
Keep going for DS.
If you keep going, it will be ok.

Please ring the Samaritans. You need to talk to someone now.

Please see your GP as soon as you can as you may need some help to get you through the next few weeks. Your son needs you - his father has proved himself to be an arsehole by up-ending all your lives and walking away from the chaos his selfishness has created - you need to be strong for him as he can't rely on his father.

Whatnext074 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:31:50

On phone to Samaritans, not helping, she doesn't know whatto dsay

redundantandbitter Sun 13-Oct-13 01:33:15

We all feel for you. We round all call/come round if we could. Please please don't torture yourself with FB again. It's a killer. I was doing it, looking at him and her together. It's not healthy for you to keep revisiting the pain. What did you want him to say when you called? He's already shown himself to be a stupid fool with his 'postal' requests. FYI tell him to pay for a bloody redirection like nirmal
People. Or just keep writing on the letters..they won't get to him! Please talk on here or call the Samaritans. You sound shattered and exhausted .

123rd Sun 13-Oct-13 01:33:53

I think just talking to someone real is a good thing. Please keep talking

rootypig Sun 13-Oct-13 01:34:03

OP are you there? if Samaritans isn't working talk to us. I am here and I will stay here.

Whatnext074 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:35:31

She just yawned, can I hang up

rootypig Sun 13-Oct-13 01:36:30

You can hang up, absolutely, if it's making you feel worse. You can also ring back and will likely be connected to someone else, if you would like to keep talking to someone

Just talk to her. Talk until you feel tired as you need to sleep. Get all the thoughts that are going round and round in your head out in the open. She won't have the answers but just talking will help.

When DS1s father left me a kind neighbour heard me crying and just let me talk and talk until I was boring myself. It absolutely exhausted me and I was able to sleep for the first time in days.

Let it all out.

Whatnext074 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:38:12

I said I was hanging up, she wasn't bothered. I don't want to be sectioned. I've been through too much. I can't cope.

Let all the wails out - it does hurt. But please stay safe.

rootypig Sun 13-Oct-13 01:43:07

I'm sorry that she seemed like she wasn't bothered sad
Perhaps that wasn't the case, and she was trying to give you room to talk. Either way, it's ok if it didn't work for you.

You won't be sectioned simply for a state of emotional distress. Your partner leaving has hit you so hard but you won't always feel this way. You can cope.

Would you like to talk about what happened?

You can post here and talk to us.

Whatnext074 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:45:33

I have tried so many times to reach out for help. I've tried. I've put it all down in a draft email to my H and my DS. I still love my H, he doesn't care, he never said sorry. He hates me. I feel worthless. I lost our 2 babies and our 2 baby nieces died. There isn't something good around the corner, I'm going backwards and he's moved on to this beautiful intelligent woman. I'm broken, I hurt beyond belief. I'm sorry.

cupcake78 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:45:43

You may feel like you can't cope but actually you can cope and you are coping!

You do sound devastated. It has been a huge shock to you and no wonder you feel so crushed because of the hurt your feeling. Others who go through this also feel this bad I promise you, you are not alone or going mad all that your feeling is very normal after such a huge blow.

FB isn't real op. I look bloody lovely on FB. In real life I'm afraid to say its not really that good wink.

You may feel like you can't cope but you can and you have found the strength to reach for help and support here. Its a great step forward. Everyone needs help and support sometimes.

SavoyCabbage Sun 13-Oct-13 01:46:57

Talk to us on here then. There is always someone on MN.

You will not be sectioned unless you are in real danger of hurting yourself or someone else but honestly, if you are at that point then you really do need some help soon.

I know right now you don't know how you'll get through the next few seconds never mind the next few days but you will. So many if us have been where you are now so you're not alone. You just have to take things a day at a time - each day the pain is a little less.

Zhx3 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:48:04

I'm so sorry you're hurting - please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Think of your ds! You can keep talking here.

rootypig Sun 13-Oct-13 01:48:13

I'm so sorry you lost your babies OP. It sounds like you have so much pain to deal with. Your H is gone but you will be ok without him. You are enough in yourself, for you and for DS.

Whatnext074 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:48:14

She is stunning, great job and loves culture, travelled a lot. Everything he wants. I'm no good, he doesn't care. He doesn't care if I wasn't here, he wants me wiped from his life.

SavoyCabbage Sun 13-Oct-13 01:51:45

No FB is bollocks. One of my friends stages photos for FB. She will actually get a mixing bowl out, put on a pinny, chuck a bit of flour about and take a picture of her and her dd making a cake! There is no cake.

This thread is not accepting new messages.