I have namechanged for this due to obvious reasons.
DP and I have been going out for 6 years. We met quite young but we have been living together for years and are in our mid twenties.
I am working full time and supporting us completely as he has decided to go back to university. So far so good.
Recently I have been thinking about marriage more and we have talked about it as a couple. He seems to be reluctant to get engaged and married. He says he is too young and he doesn't see the rush as it's no big deal. It is a big deal to me. I also feel like we are making huge decisions based on us staying together so why not formalise it? We are living together, we have joint finances, I will support him through his university degree which means we need to live on a tiny budget. I have moved away from my family and for a variety of reasons us staying together will mean that it will be almost impossible to ever move back close to them. So I feel like I am compromising, taking him into account when making decisions and so on. On the other hand it doesn't feel like he is willing to compromise on something that is very important to me.
I know marriage doesn't offer complete security but it does offer a bit. I also feel like we are committing to each other so much, why not do it properly? I just can't see his point if view.
I have explained this to him in a non-confrontational way and he seemed to agree with me, making big promises. But this morning I used his computer and found search history about things like "She wants to get married, I am too young" (just an example). I probably shouldn't have looked but there we go, he obviously is not on the same sheet as me.
While I know marriage might not be important to some people it is to me and I am very disappointed today after finding out that he is lying to my face while googling the above. I am not some nutter who talks about marriage and babies every day but considering everything we have been going through, the years we have been together and the choices we are currently facing in life I don't feel unjustified in asking where he sees us in future and to think about marriage. It's making me feel insecure in my relationship despite everything else going well.
Not sure anyone can actually help me, but it feels good to write it down. Any advice about what to do? My open and frank chat obviously didn't work.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Not ready to commit?
AimlesslyWalkingThroughLife · 12/10/2013 11:09
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