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Help! Mum at the school harrassing me. What can I do about it?

(30 Posts)
PurpleParrotPink Thu 10-Oct-13 18:24:01

I will try to keep this as brief as possible and sorry but this will be fairly vague in case she comes on MN.

My DS started school last month. He made a best friend almost instantly and I chatted to the mum a few times at pick up. She kept wanting to meet up and was very pushy, but she constantly said negative things about people and I really had a hunch that I didn't want to get closer to her at all, plus I work virtually full time so I just haven't got time to spend with people I don't particularly want to spend it with. I was always polite to her, and chatty, but also know lots of other mums as I have another child who is two years older at the school, and sometimes chatted with them, too.

About a week ago the mum of DS's best friend suddenly phoned me up out of the blue, very angrily and aggressively, saying I had been talking about her to people. I absolutely, categorically have not discussed her with anyone at all. I was quite upset and said to her that of course it wasn't true and I was sorry she felt that way but that she was misinformed as it wasn't true.

She was ok with me the next day at school. Then on Monday this week she suddenly stormed up to me at the school this time, pointing in my face and saying that she knew I had been talking about her and that I was out to cause trouble for her and that I needed to watch my back. This was in front of lots of other mums and children, and in front of my children too.

I went straight into the school office and reported it to the headteacher, who was very helpful and lovely, and said that she wasn't prepared to have parents behaving in such a way, and that she was intending to nip it in the bud instantly. I said that I was happy for her to warn the woman off as obviously I don't want to be intimidated each school run, and I don't think it's appropriate behaviour for the school run.

The headteacher must have phoned her that night as later that evening the mum phoned me again, and was even more aggressive this time and said that I was lying, I'm the nasty aggressive one and that if I say anything else about her to anyone, including reporting her to the school, she will sue me for slander. I said for her to go ahead, as I have not slandered her at all. she said at the time her house was full of witnesses that knew I have been slandering her!!

The following day I managed to avoid her. Then yesterday she brought her mum to the school with her who seems very similar to her, and they stood pointing at me throughout pick up and I kept hearing them saying 'nasty cow' about me.

I have reported her to the school again, and made a written statement, but I don't know where to go from here. Is there anything the school can do? I am actually quite worried too that she will physically hurt me. I have heard of her as she has had fall outs with a couple of other people locally and I know she threatened to hit one of them.

The school is lovely but it's making me want to take my children elsewhere as I can't put up with this. My DH works away a lot and I'm not sleeping and actually feel quite vulnerable (she knows my address). Would the police do anything?

sugarman Sun 13-Oct-13 09:09:09

Oh and I truly believe she has mental health issues. Her aggression, paranoia, stalkerish behaviour... none of it is normal. I feel quite sorry for her and very sad for the child.

sugarman Sun 13-Oct-13 09:07:14

We have a similar style mum at our school. The school took out a trespass order so she meets the child outside the gate.

Lizzabadger Sun 13-Oct-13 08:02:31

Just completely ignore her. Walk away if she approaches you. Contact the police for further advice if this doesn't work.

Cerisier Sun 13-Oct-13 07:50:00

Another vote for talking to the police. Also make sure your DH knows what is going on plus other members of your family. Seek their support and reassurance.

In the playground if she speaks to you just repeat ad nauseum 'do not speak to me or my children. If you do it may be seen as harassment".

shadesofwhite Sun 13-Oct-13 02:46:42

Sorry OP for what your are going through.

I have encountered such people often and I know how emotionally draining it can be especially if you have to be around them.

Here's the problem with this woman;... she constantly said negative things about people and I really had a hunch that I didn't want to get closer to her at all She clearly must have 'gotten' the message and as a paronoid type(she sounds like one) she sensed Rejection and her payback was to throw a tantrum of how dare you buy constructing a load of lies to get back at you.

second plus I work virtually full time so I just haven't got time to spend with people I don't particularly want to spend it with She may have also realized that you are far too busy for endless cups of tea and gossip to kill time until the next school run. This results to Jealousy or rather envy . From what you have described her behavior around other mums, she sounds like a lazy cow who has nothing better to do and hates anyone who is better than her or anyone who doesn't fit in her 'level'.

Thirdly, I was always polite to her people of her kind hate this genuine gesture. They see it as "two faced bitch" yet you know you are just creating a nice boundary of hi&bye. So, the load of crappy lies she constructed is nothing but a trap, perhaps expecting you to respond to her in an eggressive manner and then she'll twist it all back at you if you loose it with her and you'll be taken away.(God Forbid)

The advice given above is excellent, ignore her tantrums, be assertive and if she carries on harassing you..contact the police.

Good luck, its tough, I know, but you gotta keep your head up hun.

CharityFunDay Sun 13-Oct-13 01:57:03

Definitely report it to the police.

And don't worry about being sued for slander: It's amazing how many nutters fancy themselves as legal experts.

Oldraver Sun 13-Oct-13 00:02:39

As there have been several incidents of intimidation I would go to the police.

I had a parent be verbally abusive toward me and while I feel school were a little wishy washy about it they did say they had the powere to refuse to have her on school grounds and that any intimidation outside of school could also be taken into consideration

Yes the school can ban a parent from the school grounds for abusive behavior. The school may also be able to check if she has form for this type of behavior at any previous nursery setting.

Yes report it to the police, she is harassing you.

Ignore her and make sure you have a friend with you so you are not alone.

cestlavielife Fri 11-Oct-13 11:11:35

go to your own GP and tell everything; you mgiht be able to cget some nhs counselling to discuss strategies for you to deal with this woman.

including ignoring her as was said.
then reporting to police if she is agressive/threatening.

you can also say you concerned about her MH. GP may be able to do something with that information confidentially.
www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/speaking-to-gp-about-someone-elses-health.aspx?CategoryID=155&SubCategoryID=155

Lostinspace1 Fri 11-Oct-13 10:23:00

Report her to the police - sounds like she will already be known to them. She has made a threat 'to watch your back'.

afromom Fri 11-Oct-13 07:54:56

They can stop her from entering the grounds purpleparrot, but I think it would need to be after more incidents than just the one on school grounds. They would only really do this if it was repeated incidents that they children are having to witness (particularly aggressive ones). I think at the moment they are more likely to pull her up on her behaviour by way if a chat (as they did when they phone her).
They wouldn't be able to take into account the other incidents outside of school, as that is not to do with them and their main concern is the safety and well being of the children, only when it is impacting greatly on the children would they make the move to ban her from the premises.

Lazysuzanne Thu 10-Oct-13 20:14:03

she sounds paranoid, and as if she may have had problems with psychosis.

Chottie Thu 10-Oct-13 20:10:46

Just to wish you well and don't let this woman harass you and take over your life. Remember she is the one with the problem and not you smile

Mumof3girlys Thu 10-Oct-13 19:42:22

Def report to the police! Even if nothing is done at least it's on record! ( I went though a lot with my ex so know it's always good to have police records) also if she texts you take to the police! And if she calls can you record any of the convo?

Anything that happens on the school site must be reported to the head! I know for a fact if this sort of stuff happened in my dc's school it would not be tolerated and if anyone had to leave the school it would be them!

I would honestly just do what your doing but make sure ANYTHING no matter how small gets logged with the police! You might find a little visit from them will nip it in the bud. Good luck and keep us updated x

What an awful situation to find yourself in. It must make the school run very uncomfortable.

I know you don't want to disclose too many details but do you know who the "house full of witnesses" are? Is she suggesting they are other school Mums?

Is there another school Mum that you can confide in and who will stand with you at drop off and pick up?

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Thu 10-Oct-13 19:23:16

Poor you, that kind of thing is so upsetting. I had a similar neighbour. Unpredictability like that is actually quite frightening because it's just so bizarre that you can't handle it be rationalising or being polite to the person. I'd speak to the police.
Sorry, no advice really- just lots of sympathy.

Whatnext074 Thu 10-Oct-13 19:06:14

It does show what a weak person she is needing her Mum there as support to intimidate you.

Be brave, rise above it, she'll get bored. Stupid woman.

MissMarplesBloomers Thu 10-Oct-13 18:55:04

Whule you get things sorted can you get a few friends to be a sort of "army" around you,(in a casual non aggressive way!) so that you can go as far away from the mums waiting around her & have a cohort of folks chatting to you so you can appear to totally ignore her (even if she is audible) and stand with your back to her?

Breeze past, say hello & then ignore the silly cow. She may have MH issues (being christian) but more likely she is just a nasty piece of work. Don't let her push you out if the kids are settled, she'll pick on someone else if she gets bored of baiting you.

NotDead Thu 10-Oct-13 18:50:12

um or of course the obvious answer she is a mental bitch who makes up stuff her dumb lackeys believe. .. Is she 14??

VoodooHexDoll Thu 10-Oct-13 18:49:29

1) ignore her
2)call 101 to report for hurrassment
3) see a lawyer about a restraining order
4) move your kids school and move house.

I would give opioin one about 6 months to work before moving to the next step. Be calm and repect "I have nothing to say to you please stay away from me and my family".

Dont feel bad.its her issue try to not let it get to you, some people are just like that.

Good luck xx

Whatnext074 Thu 10-Oct-13 18:48:55

I had to call the police (over something completely different), but a PCSO came to visit me, spent time with me and then gave me his mobile number (work one of course) and told me to text or call him whenever I felt scared or wanted him to check something out, no matter how small, he said he or somebody else would be with me in minutes.

If you report it you will get support but they won't do anything without your say so.

NotDead Thu 10-Oct-13 18:48:30

isn't it funny how people who talk negatively about everyone think that everyone does it about them. I bet she 'knows' in the sense she feels paranoid but she hasn't got enough rational ability to think she could be wrong. .

PurpleParrotPink Thu 10-Oct-13 18:44:20

Thanks all. I think it's getting to the stage where I'm going to have to contact the police. I am just a bit apprehensive that it will make her even worse and then she'll end up hitting me or something.

I had delayed onset PND after the birth of my youngest, and it's only recently that I've felt better and more like myself after a year of antidepressants and loads of counselling and now I find I'm feeling anxious again. I think it will make me ill if it continues.

I'll give the police non emergency number a call tomorrow morning once the children are at school and see what they say. I was wondering too if a school is able to ban a parent from entering the grounds of the school if they behave in an abusive, antisocial way?

afromom Thu 10-Oct-13 18:42:58

I would cease all contact with her. Ignore her at school, don't answer the phone to her and don't enter into any dialogue as this may fuel her fire.

With regards to the school I would keep them updated with any incidents that happen on site, as it is their responsibility to ensure that parents are acting appropriately on site and it has been know for parents to be banned from entering the site (obviously this is a last resort and not ideal).

If you feel threatened by her you can contact the police, particularly if she turns up at your house.

It sounds like she thrives on the drama and will hopefully cool off soon when she sees that she is not getting the response she is looking for!

I hope you get this sorted soon.

beepoff Thu 10-Oct-13 18:40:26

You poor thing. It sounds like maybe she has mental health issues. I would inform the police too.

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