Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

lack of sex and fed up he's never made me orgasm

(82 Posts)
namehopping Wed 09-Oct-13 14:45:48

Im a long time poster. New name change for this.

Im going to be sketchy with details as I know DP occasionally looks at MN.

Im in my mid 20s ahem maybe a little older DP is a few years older.

We have some children, young (pre school age)

Been togther less than a decade and not married.

Im fed the fuck up with the shit shit sex.

He has NEVER given me an orgasm. Every time we have sex its the same script as it were, however I may try to change things etc it always ends up with the same finale.
its like fucking a virgin every time, Ive tried telling him what turns me on - what feels good, Ive moved his hands, fingers etc ive bloody shown him what works but he has the attention span of a nano second and as soon as I make one moan of pleasure he stops what hes doing(talking about foreplay) and tries to ram his member in me.

I had a 3rd degree tear - i dont particullarly like being shagged this way, it hurts, it pulls, if im not turned on or we dont use lube i feel bruised and sore afterwards - and some times genuinely like im being ripped. hes clumsy with me and fumbles around blindly.

He greatly receives oral sex often, 2/3 times a week but hardly ever returns the "pleasure" maybe once every 2 months? even then he bassically just acts like hes licking ice cream from the bottle of a bowl and stops after about 30 seconds and then moves onto penetration. Theres no rythym no passion hes just rough and uncoordinated.

Ive stopped being tollerent, ive stopped caring, ive started to get angry and bitter towards him and i resent his pleasure. Which has resulted in me bassically causing an argument during sex (which i initiate) and me sleeping else where and there being no happy ending for either of us.

Tell me oh wise ones. What do i do?

Apart from sex we get on fantastically, we laugh we have fun hes a fab dad & works hard and I love him very much but at the moment Id rather not bother having sex, then im accutely aware then we are just like two friends living together.

Im not prepared to be celebate. HELP

BinarySolo Thu 10-Oct-13 16:59:22

If he cares about you he should want to get this right, even if he's initially hurt and defensive about it.

joblot Thu 10-Oct-13 17:24:22

His job is irrelevant. A decent human expects to give and receive good sex. It wouldn't occur to me to receiveand not give ppleasure. I mean it would just be wrong and selfish. I hope you get your very reasonabledesires met op

Yes, and I hope you know, name hopping, that what you are asking for is entirely reasonable. You're not (from what I've seen) asking for mind-blowing sex every night of the week, but just enjoyable, pleasurable, satisfying sex with your partner (who is clearly quite capable of getting erections etc). You are not asking for the moon.

ThisIsMeToo Thu 10-Oct-13 18:51:50

Btw I agree too that you should never agree to sex that is hurting.
Apart from the fact it's not pleasurable, you will just grow more and more resentful of the situation up to the point when you will not want to have sex with him anymore.

ThisIsMeToo Thu 10-Oct-13 18:52:37

If you want to call his bullshit, then stop accepting it.

LongDarkTeatime Sun 13-Oct-13 14:39:46

How are things going OP?

Custardo Sun 13-Oct-13 14:48:07

i think relate do sexual counseling too - is that something he would consider?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now