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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

too soon to have sex?

27 replies

mumtobe88 · 06/10/2013 18:28

Hi
I gave birth to my daughter 3 weeks ago. She was delivered by ventouse, an extremely traumatic event for me, I lost a lot of blood, had an episiotomy, had to have surgery to remove my placenta as it didn't detach by itself and had a lot of stitches.
I am all healed up now 3 weeks later, my stitches have dissolved and I feel much better in myself.
My husband and I are considering having sex again for the first time since I gave birth but I don't know if its too soon or whether I should wait for my 6 week check up. Would it really be that bad not to wait that long? I feel fine physically, not in any pain at all. Have bought condoms and lube as that was all the advice I could find online.
Does anyone have any suggestions or advice?

OP posts:

Report

Crawling · 06/10/2013 18:44

I had sex at three weeks post birth. But I had a normal birth tbh in your situation I wouldn't risk it.

BasilBabyEater · 06/10/2013 18:45

I wouldn't.

There was a case a few years ago where someone died as a result of having PIV sex before the six week check up.

It's rare but is it worth it? Can you not just have non-PIV sex for 3 weeks?

mumtobe88 · 06/10/2013 19:10

There's always mutual masturbation I suppose. Just wondered if full sex would really be that risky but if someone died as a result of it, I think I might leave it for now.
Thanks for the advice

OP posts:

ThoraNomiki · 06/10/2013 19:21

If things feel ok then have a go but veerry slowly and gently with lots of days or even weeks of foreplay first (not all in one sitting haha). He can't just lube up, put it in and start thrusting away.
Make sure there's no pressure for either of you to continue (obviously!) or finish.
When I went for the 6 week check they didn't look at me at all, just the baby, and asked whether we'd attempted sex yet. They said a little pain is normal but to listen to your body and not push it. Damage is most likely to happen if the man is not paying attention to his partner or if she tries to grin and bear it for some reason.

AnyFucker · 06/10/2013 19:25

I would swerve penetrative sex until your 6 wk check up.

mumtobe88 · 06/10/2013 19:25

Thanks for the advice.
I'm not the type to grin and bear it and he's not the type to force the issue so we'll see how we go! Think we'll just take it slow to start with, as you said, no need to do it all in one sitting. Might be nice to get to know eachother again as we hardly did it at all when I was pregnant.

OP posts:

Pistillate · 06/10/2013 20:52

Basil... That sounds awful.

Pistillate · 06/10/2013 20:53

Mum to be 88, Well done on healing up so quick. It sounds like you went through it! I would be cautious.

ExitPursuedByABear · 06/10/2013 20:55

Sex after three weeks.

Respect.

But I would err on the side of caution and wait for your check up.

Fairylea · 06/10/2013 20:56

I had a very similar birth to you with my dd ten years ago. My dh (now ex) and I had sex at about 6 weeks after. It was much too soon for me really. I was still traumatised from it all and I found it painful. I'm not saying you will, hopefully all will be fine, but don't rush yourself. I didn't really begin to feel interested in sex again until about a year afterwards! The whole experience of birth was enough to put me off for ages!

lisad123everybodydancenow · 06/10/2013 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brettgirl2 · 06/10/2013 20:59

That's what hv told me. I think I managed it both times, 3 weeks seems soon tho!

The 6 weeks is a bit of a random figure anyway.

Hunfriend · 06/10/2013 21:06

6 weeks is not random - the risk is that sex causes an air embolism to enter the site where the placenta was placed in the uterus.
It needs to heal properly .

Ishouldbesolucky · 06/10/2013 21:08

I was about to post the same question. I give birth 4 weeks ago and had a small tear which has healed.

Is it normal to wait the 6 weeks ?

Sidge · 06/10/2013 21:31

The lining of the uterus where the placenta was can take 4-6 weeks to heal.

Until then it's a raw, healing wound in effect. Sex can hugely increase the risk of infection as well as air embolism.

Of course many women will have full sex before 6 weeks with no problems but especially where you have had a traumatic delivery and needed surgical intervention my advice as a HCP is to wait a bit longer.

Mutual masturbation is fine, but avoid penetrative sex and him giving you oral sex.

Neitheronethingortheother · 06/10/2013 21:49

I was happy to have sex and I enjoyed it 2 weeks after my last 2 births. I think it was the novelty of being able to have sex in the missionary position with no bump. Maybe try it and see how you get on. You can stop if it feels uncomfortable and try again in another week.

TheGinLushMinion · 06/10/2013 22:46

All I can say is wow, just wow.

2 very straightforward births with stitches but there is no way on this earth I would have considered sex that soon!!!

I was told that if you can you should try sex prior to the 6 week check, that way you'll know if there are any problems to discuss-didn't either time

YoniBottsBumgina · 06/10/2013 22:48

I would be careful. If you had stitches there is a very real potential for infection.

Personally I didn't feel ready for months but each to their own...

justabigdisco · 06/10/2013 22:49

Wow. I had an episiotomy and it was painful for MONTHS afterwards.

Shellywelly1973 · 06/10/2013 22:55

I would try if you and your dh want to.

After my last dc I waited til the 6 week check which eventually happened at 10 weeks as no appointments were available. Then gp just asked me if I was ok. No physical check- absolutely nothing!

Death due to sex after child birth is extremely unusual!

grimbletart · 06/10/2013 23:02

What the heck is the rush?

Missbopeep · 06/10/2013 23:03

Don't the medics say wait 6 weeks for a reason?

I think we waited 6 months- too tired, too sore, too everything to even think of it.

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AnyFucker · 06/10/2013 23:57

Nah, MissBP, the experts say it's best not to have penetrative sex until your traumatised reproductive organs have had time to heal because they are fun-sucking bores who want to spoil everybody's sex lives for no reason at all

ahem

Sidge · 07/10/2013 08:03

Death due to sex after child birth is extremely unusual!

Well yeah but uterine or episiotomy infection isn't...

cupcake78 · 07/10/2013 08:10

Its a very personal choice!

We had sex 4 weeks after ds and 3 weeks after dd. However, both births were natural unassisted deliveries. 3rd degree tear with ds and found it uncomfortable so stopped and waited a bit longer.

If you feel your ready you could try but be prepared it might be sore as it will still be healing. Just take your time, tell dh to be very very gentle and if it hurts stop and do something else.

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