Have n/c for this. Need to offload.
DS1 just accidentally broke the new tv. We've only had it a few weeks. The previous one was perfectly good, but DH does like his tech, and decided to upgrade to something better. I stayed out of the purchasing decision - not interested in things like this, so I let him get on with it, as I do with all tech decisions in the house.
He's just revealed that the tv actually cost £1400. I had no idea. He spent his work bonus on it. And it's looking like it may not be covered on the insurance.
I'm sitting here feeling gutted because I've been worrying about our finances for months now. Worrying about covering the standing orders that come out of my account (music lessons for the children, repayment of large overpayment of child tax credits from years back, my phone contract, about a third of the food budget, and all my clothes and personal expenses). I can't afford to get my teeth looked at, or my glasses replaced, even though my eyesight has changed and I'm struggling with my old glasses. I'm a SAHM and I don't turn the heating on all day no matter how cold it gets, despite being hypothyroid and very anaemic, so always cold and tired. I buy my clothes from charity shops, get my hair done twice a year (£35 quid), and rarely go out. The house is a shit heap - we're still sleeping on a broken old bed I bought off ebay years ago, have no curtains in our bedroom, nowhere to hang our clothes apart from one old ikea wardrobe and a hanging rail. DH in the mean time has bought a MacBook, the TV, and has spent about £900 on shoes in the past 2 years.
We've somehow fallen into a pattern of dysfunctional spending and I don't know how to deal with it. I earn 12K a year working part-time and he earns 65K. I know the answer is for me to work more so I have more money that I control, but I just feel I can't. My health isn't great - I'm very, very tired all the time and can't get to the bottom of what's wrong, despite repeated doctor visits. I find my part-time work, my 3 dc's (one of who has autism), the house and the dog about as much as I can cope with. I just feel I couldn't cope with working any more than I am now.
I've never, ever commented on DH's spending so much money on tech, shoes and clothes because I feel guilty about working part-time, when he has a full-time, challenging management job that he doesn't massively enjoy. I've always felt that not having material things for myself is a price I'm willing to pay not to feel pressured to work any more than I am at present. But now I've lost my child benefit payment and my work is unreliable (I'm self employed, and have lost a few important contracts this year. Next year I'm likely to earn less than I am now) I'm constantly worrying about paying my bills, and it seems to me all wrong that I should be fretting about covering my standing orders for the kids music lessons, while he is spending £400 on a pair of shoes.
I feel so disempowered by the whole situation. I'm frightened to raise the subject with DH because I'm worried he's going to come out with something which will make me resent him. Or put me under pressure to work more, which I feel I can't do. :-(
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Relationships
Money, equality, feeling shit about it
howmuchdidyouspendonthattelly · 06/10/2013 15:16
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