Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

if you were legally allowed one moment of cathartic madness what would you do to your ex P?

(58 Posts)
redundantandbitter Sun 06-Oct-13 09:17:02

Bit of fun. Go on, join in. Mine would be dead boring. Go round to
His house, trash the things I BOUGHT and leave all his sex toys on the front step of his terrace. Petty, and will never do it, but it's a distraction from all the other crap daily thoughts. What would you do? (I tried to NC to backslidemyarse but didn't work ).

BodaciousTatas Sun 06-Oct-13 23:28:03

Tell him (and everyone else) the real reason I finished with him was because (a) he stank of piss as he only changed his pants 2-3 times a week (b) he could only get a semi but rather than talk it through he told me it was because I was blonde, he spent ages trying to get me to go brunette (c) he demanded that If I wanted to get out of bed at night because I could not sleep (mainly due to his 100 decibel snoring) I was to wake him and let him know (d) if I argued back wit him he would threaten to jump over the balcony, out the car etc (e) he stuffed sweet wrapper and food packets in places and blamed my dd

He told people he left me because I was hard to live with!!!

Meh I have my lovely shiny not quite so new dp snoring politely beside me, not stinking of piss that's all the revenge I need smile

GobbySadcase Sun 06-Oct-13 23:29:15

Bullet through the brain.

Yougotbale Sun 06-Oct-13 23:38:22

bodacious have your standards improved? Pissy partners can't be a good look for you!!

BodaciousTatas Sun 06-Oct-13 23:48:32

Trust me a sniff test was performed. Current Dp was meant to be a fun date (read as one night stand) he smelled good so got a second date grin where I feel totally in love with him. And as far as I know does not have an issue with blondes.

Last dp also joined a dating site literally a day after I threw him out, my friend had him come up in a search on her page, he said he was in to water sports, thing is he couldn't swim and was petrified of water. We created a profile and got chatting to him and tried to arrange a date of jet skiing and paddle boarding. When. I got bored of that I got into his profile (he was v crap at passwords) and changed everything to the truth, he had lied about his height, job, age and body type.

PiratePanda Sun 06-Oct-13 23:52:12

Have a few glasses of wine with his new DW and explain to her in great detail that no, our relationship breakdown was not all my fault, and has she not noticed he's done exactly the same to her only she's stuck because she's got 3 DCs under 3 and she's still in the honeymoon phase

MrsWilliamBodie Mon 07-Oct-13 00:01:22

I would like to borrow Cogito's contraption please and for my ex to truly realise just how disliked and ridiculed he is. There would need to be some serious anti-narcissism technology involved though.

I would also like him to realise, as Jagdkuh says, that I simply do not care or give him any headspace at all apart from this post ; that would really, really bother him.

He has tried to have an adverse effect on many parts of my life. Over the years, with the occasional help of a very good solicitor, I have closed off opportunities for him to bully me. The last remaining 'weapon' he thinks he has is that he pays very little CSA (£5 per week); he is such a money-obsessed tight-arsed freak that he couldn't ever imagine that it bothers me not one jot.

I would want him to really know that giving up a career, that could have earned him well over £1 million during DC's childhood, just to avoid giving me any money for child support, has actually hurt him a lot more than it has hurt me.

MissMarplesBloomers Mon 07-Oct-13 00:02:41

I'd force him to hand over his ccard & PIN & then make him come shopping with me & the DD;s & make him watch us blow his farking precious budget that he is SOOOOO anal about to the point of taking money away from them.

He could carry the bags. grin grin

AnyFucker Mon 07-Oct-13 00:04:39

I'd set up a tiny mirror trained onto the bald patch he can't see for himself so he had to walk around being made aware of it all day long.

Harmless to health but fuck it would kill his self esteem. What with him thinking he is a babe magnet < chortle >

Whatnext074 Mon 07-Oct-13 00:24:08

I'd post all the crusty socks that my H hid having 'pleasured himself into' while watching porn to his OW and tell her to wash them instead of them stinking my house out!

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 07-Oct-13 00:39:25

I would tell my ex boyfriend that when I see his face I don't see his face at all because a massive enlargement of his cock is superimposed wherever his head is. The only reason I hugged him last time I saw him was so that I didn't have to look at it again.

On second thoughts...no, I don't think I would ever tell him that (even if he is a complete and utter dickhead).

redundantandbitter Mon 07-Oct-13 07:33:24

OMG totally forgot about the crusty wank socks and bald patch.. Yes got those two things here also ! Urgh

DeckSwabber Mon 07-Oct-13 08:13:00

BodaciousTatas I'm not sure he meant jet-skiing and sailing when he said he was into watersports... ?

BelleOfTheBorstal Mon 07-Oct-13 09:00:25

I would hammer a stake through his heart.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 07-Oct-13 09:57:32

I'd tell all of the ex's family and friends the real reasons why we split up. And the way he treated me.

Then I'd empty his bank account. I still have all the log in details. And there is a SERIOUS amount of cash in there.

slug Mon 07-Oct-13 11:10:49

I would tell each of his subsequent girlfriends in full and very explicit detail his EA methods.

Actually, totally unprompted by me, a very good friend of mine (who he is a bit scared of and who he also fancies) does exactly that. She is quite blunt about his shortcomings to any new woman who has the misfortune to grace his arm. I, on the other hand, live half way round the world from his so her actions can never be construed as the moaning of a bitter ex. grin

whathappenedlastnight Mon 07-Oct-13 12:51:55

I have put hair removal cream in leave in conditioner

blush

JohFlow Mon 07-Oct-13 13:30:54

I would deliver his head in a pretty box to his mother with a note saying 'He was dead before I met him anyway'

Lweji Mon 07-Oct-13 18:22:13

I'd thoroughly enjoy it if he tried to attack me anywhere near my self defence class mates, particularly a selected few.

On the other hand, I've already done it by having another relationship since leaving him, getting my way in court regarding DS (not revenge, though), and te fact that I live in a nice flat and him at his parent's grotty council home.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 07-Oct-13 18:46:43

Totheteeth (I think that's what you're called). The op found out really recently that the man she loves is a low down two timing shit and yet reckon starting a thread in mn is being too dramatic?! Really?!?! Get a grip!!!!

Whatnext074 Mon 07-Oct-13 20:08:07

Why do men w*nk into a sock?! Why not do it in the shower or use something a bit more 'forgiving' than cotton/nylon mix?!

racmun Mon 07-Oct-13 20:19:15

I know for a fact he lies on his cv says he has Alevels and a degree but actually only 2 gcse's.
I would love to report him to his employer and watch the smug fucker lose his job.

It's very tempting....

Snapespeare Mon 07-Oct-13 20:20:15

I wouldn't do anything. He's already done it all to himself. :-)

BodaciousTatas Mon 07-Oct-13 21:15:40

DeckSwabber he was not interesting enough in bed to be into the other kind of watersports. He wanted me to get help nice because I suggested using a vibrator and a bit of bumming. blush

NettleTea Mon 07-Oct-13 21:22:03

I would send him back to his home country and have his passport revoked, plus have him put on security watch to never be allowed in the UK again

redundantandbitter Mon 07-Oct-13 21:28:05

whatnext074 the 'sock' thing must stem from crap student days no? But they do it in the work shower too. Nylon mix?Cashmere would be better methinks. A marketing idea in the making ?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now