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if you were legally allowed one moment of cathartic madness what would you do to your ex P?

(58 Posts)
redundantandbitter Sun 06-Oct-13 09:17:02

Bit of fun. Go on, join in. Mine would be dead boring. Go round to
His house, trash the things I BOUGHT and leave all his sex toys on the front step of his terrace. Petty, and will never do it, but it's a distraction from all the other crap daily thoughts. What would you do? (I tried to NC to backslidemyarse but didn't work ).

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 09:22:55

Not ex, current H.

Print pictures of the porn he's been using and post to every person who thinks he's a nice chap.
Let them see the sleazy sordid crap he watches because apparently 'we don't have sex enough'. Twat.

ZippityDoodahday Sun 06-Oct-13 09:30:29

Oh dear wotafarce Do not for one minute put up with that! angry

OK. So I'd tell exP's current P what an abusive (emotionally, physically, mentally) exP is. How terribly he treated me, etc. I really believe she'd be shocked/disgusted & leave him. But I won't bother. I'll let her figure it out herself. <happy days>

redundantandbitter Sun 06-Oct-13 09:36:32

Oh dear - porn is a WHOLE thread by itself isn't it? But I like your thinking!

zippity ouch! You think they change? You think my EXP's new yoga lady will mind his constant penny pinching, naval gazing and being at the beck and call of EXW. Oh to be a fly on the wall.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 09:45:57

Most men are arses.

Sorry, stroppy this morning! grin

oldgrandmama Sun 06-Oct-13 10:07:49

Well, I actually DID something to a 'D'H while we were married but he was carrying on with the trollop OW. It was in the 1970s and a lot harder for a mother with two young kids to leave and get any help at all, so - I'd stayed because he told me to 'put up or shut up' and if I left, he'd make sure I and the kids would never get a penny - what a prince! Anyway, he ran a business in our village, and used to take the OW to the office for sex. So one night, I got a bit demented on the outside of a few glasses of wine, called the Police and reported 'intruders' in his office! You should have seen his effing FACE when he eventually turned up home - the cops had barged into the office and caught them both with their pants down! Other things I did ... darning needles, pointy side up, embedded in the front seat of his car. And - this apparently caused a huge scene - a pair of specially bought tarty pants I tucked up behind the passenger mirror in front of the car, so when the OW adjusted her makeup before returning home to her husband, they fell down. The big screaming 'These are NOT MINE!' scene!

In case you're wondering, I heard all about these satisfying results of my sabotage when we were finally divorced and ex husband told me, bless! Only thing that didn't work was the darning needle stuff - pity, I'd have liked to have punctured OW's skanky arse.

ToTheTeeth Sun 06-Oct-13 10:18:27

OP for you I think the best catharsis would be to get over it and stop trying to prolong the drama. I read your original thread. You are blowing his behaviour out of proportion. Relationships end. Be kind to yourself and recognise this is normal.

mrsspagbol Sun 06-Oct-13 10:25:09

old the tarty pants mirror thing is legendary!

brokenhearted55 Sun 06-Oct-13 10:27:53

I have a naked picture of my most recent ex.....

Hmm minds starts running away!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 06-Oct-13 10:29:13

I think I would place mine in a Doctor Who type contraption that allows him to see himself exactly as others see him... It would totally screw his arrogant little mind. smile

Kernowgal Sun 06-Oct-13 10:32:26

I would make him eat only imported and out of season vegetables. That sounds mad, I know, but it stems (sorry) from him shouting "KNOW YOUR FOOD" at me (in front of his children) when I once dared serve him Spanish pak choi in a meal I had taken ages to prepare.

If his ex-wife is on here she will immediately recognise him from this and my username.

Oldgrandmama I bow before you. I am impressed!

Kernowgal Sun 06-Oct-13 10:33:45

Oh, and I'd make him spend money on clothes instead of living in his brothers' handmedowns and things he found in the street. Yes I am serious.

Punkatheart Sun 06-Oct-13 11:00:21

I would put my ex in a closed room where the only thing there is a mirror. He would be forced to look at himself for the rest of his life - look at the man who left his wife with cancer and didn't even call to see how his daughter (who now has serious mental health issues) is. The man who is now forcing us to sell our home.

Did I mention that there was no food and water in the room.

Blimey Kernow - he sounds a real peach. Where do we find 'em?

Kernowgal Sun 06-Oct-13 11:04:41

Punkatheart sad

Yeah he really was. I have a feeling he may be seeing someone new. Good luck to her, she'll find out what he's really like soon enough.

Makemineamalibuandpineapple Sun 06-Oct-13 11:22:44

Nothing whatsoever because to do anything would give him the satisfaction of knowing that I cared tell his girlfriend that he is cheating on her then ram a toothbrush up nose

brokenhearted55 Sun 06-Oct-13 11:50:43

Makemineamalibu has the best idea though.

Whatever actions we took would only make them say think god I dumped her!

The best revenge is them getting another Shit relationship while they see us all nice and well behaved.

redundantandbitter Sun 06-Oct-13 12:10:57

totheteeth i hear you, but to me its a bit more than 'oh, my relationship has ended' so this thread is just a bit of imaginary escapism for me. Keeps me positive and start to look at some of his not-so-perfect attributes. . I'm hurt snd fed up. Of course it's better to keep your head, stand back and allow them to go f**k up elsewhere. Like I said ... This is just a thread for that naughty part of us .

usedandabusedthentossedaside Sun 06-Oct-13 19:02:54

If I could I would let them have all my memories of before and after the events and let em feel/experience all the pain that comes from that heartbreak and hopefully they might develop a sense of empathy and common decency.
But in reality no chance lol

TimidLivid Sun 06-Oct-13 20:20:58

Ooh a bit dark but have someone put this person in fear of their life and then when they needed comfort emotionally abuse them for six months, just so we would be equal just so they could feel what they had done cos its only fair. On a lighter note if his share of three kids nappies could drop from the sky on him all at once in an act of god .cos again partner are meant to do an equal share with the kids

Offred Sun 06-Oct-13 20:45:18

Honestly don't think I'd do anything because I'm such a wimp that each time I've had x troubles I've just felt really disappointed and sad that they couldn't behave reasonably with dc interest at heart. Wish I could find the appropriate hate reaction but can't seem to. Some of these are funny though.

Boosterseat Sun 06-Oct-13 21:09:52

Respect to oldgrandmama

That is the stuff of legends.

MardyPants Sun 06-Oct-13 21:18:20

You lot are all disappointingly nice.

I'd hit mine in the face when a shovel

I keep a shovel by the back door, just in case he's ever stupid enough to drag his snivelly, scrawny little arse onto my doorstep

Jagdkuh Sun 06-Oct-13 21:18:29

surely the best 'revenge' is to simply not care?

Dito Sun 06-Oct-13 21:22:28

Although I wouldn't lower myself to his depths.

I would like to do what a friend of mine did about 10 years ago. I would like to hide a piece of fish in his car and let it rot for months. Mind you, she went too far with the bag of sugar in his truck petrol tank.

Twinkleandbunty Sun 06-Oct-13 23:18:33

grin MardyPants

I would superglue a condom to his teeny tiny penis so that he doesn't father any more children.
He doesn't prioritise the one he's got already.
But unfortunately he's already managed to get OW pregnant angry

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