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What does this mean ???

(48 Posts)
Ohnoitsgonewrong Sat 05-Oct-13 13:35:23

I've been seeing this guy but he seems to be a mass of confusion .
Every thing seemed to be going ok but suddenly he's said we're getting too close and I need some space .
How the heck can you be getting too close ?
I've left it completely and am getting on with my life but what in the hell does this mean ?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Oct-13 13:39:26

He thinks his style is being cramped, a 'relationship' is something grown-ups do, he's gone off you but is too cowardly to say it .... oh who the hell cares? smile You're doing the right thing. Give him ALL the space in the world and don't look back.

Ohnoitsgonewrong Sat 05-Oct-13 13:46:12

Thanks that's what I thought but it confused me slightly , I don't know why people just can't say what they mean .
I would of just said ok and moved on .
Oh well .... Next lol

brokenhearted55 Sat 05-Oct-13 14:12:05

Just had it happen to me.

He didn't.even try to make a fo of it and seemed almost.scared to try.

Found out he'd just been dumped by a long term gf who left him. she had severe depression. his career was stalling too and he'd made a mess.

All I.can say is that every sign seemed to show that he.wasn't ready.

Keep dating. if they sort their Shit out and.come back. see then.

You don't know what is going on in their lives. its prob not personal.

brokenhearted55 Sat 05-Oct-13 14:25:38

I've tried to be kinder to myself and indeed others by saying maybe they thought they were ready for a relationship and weren't until it was staring them in the face.

Ohnoitsgonewrong Sat 05-Oct-13 16:00:51

Well I didn't know what to think , he said he felt he was getting attached to me ! Lol
I think it's bollocks and some guys are just emotionally retarded

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Oct-13 16:07:22

You've just reminded me of the asswipe one that said to me .... 'I'm worried that I'm starting to love you too much'.... Knobbers the lot of them. grin

Ohnoitsgonewrong Sat 05-Oct-13 16:09:43

Haha well I'm after normal if indeed it exists .
My dad said to presume all guys are pricks then if you get one that's not its a nice suprise !!

Ohnoitsgonewrong Sat 05-Oct-13 18:18:09

Well I've just had a message saying he'd be upset to never see me again but for now he's got a lot going on such as he's started divorce .
I know it's upsetting as I'm going through it but do I just forget him still ?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Oct-13 18:22:07

Yes. Sorry. 'Just starting a divorce' can mean anything from 'happily married' to 'daggers drawn'. You really don't want to be in the middle of it.

TheGrandPooBah Sat 05-Oct-13 18:23:48

Yes. Let him miss you and want to be with you. If he does, he'll get in touch. No point in doing anything else.

Missbopeep Sat 05-Oct-13 18:29:48

He's being kind. Forget the words and focus on the actions. He's too consumed with other stuff- maybe a divorce, maybe not, and a plonker for drawing you in when he's not ready. Chin up and move on.

brokenhearted55 Sat 05-Oct-13 18:59:12

I've tried to be a bit kinder and tried not to get hardened and bitter.

Being in a relationship means by definition you have to worry about someone else's happiness and needs and some people aren't in a place to do that. You have to devote lots of time to it or what is the point.

If they are carrying hurt from an old relationship etc.

They May decide to get out and try online dating and they May even enjoy the dates but when dating goes on for a bit and the reality of a relationship is staring them in the face they realise they can't do it.

My most recent experiences was months out of a relationship that lasted several years. it was not a good relationship as they had already broken up once and they had a very acrimonious break up. his living arrangements had just.changed. his career was in a bit of a mess. he seemed to really enjoy the time we spent together and was genuinely happy. But he seemed almost afraid to just go for it with me properly.

He bailed on me saying he didn't feel it. he could have fooled me.
With everything going on in his life it didn't appear he was in any fit state to try and consider someone elses needs and feelings.

I'm just being my happy self. still on the dating website. If these guys sort themselves out and remember us when they're in a better place then who knows. if we're still single and want to give them another chance then.....

MollyMollyMollyMolly Sat 05-Oct-13 19:02:05

You need to do what your doing and leave him completely alone. Tell him that your completely happy to give him space as you feel the same.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 05-Oct-13 19:04:36

If he's married or attached he's not exactly available and thinks you'll think he's letting you down lightly.

Just watch out he doesn't contact you later about not being able to forget you... having laid the ground so to speak so you have zero expectations and he can always say I told you things were complicated and keep you dangling.

brokenhearted55 Sat 05-Oct-13 19:48:20

It's probably best this way.

What you don't want is a project guy. Meet them when they're down and in a mess and they get better with us and move on to new pastures when we've bolstered them up.

farrowandbawl Sat 05-Oct-13 20:08:45

You've posted about him before haven't you?

The advice was the same them as it is now - get rid, he's taking you for a ride.

farrowandbawl Sat 05-Oct-13 20:09:17

*then

thenightsky Sat 05-Oct-13 20:11:59

He's playing games and trying to manipulate you for fun.

<old and cynical>

brokenhearted55 Sat 05-Oct-13 22:49:50

Or he's not up for a committed relationship right now.

Why does everyone have to.labelled as manipulative and playing games.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Oct-13 22:55:23

Because 'we're getting too close' is such a nonsense thing to say?

brokenhearted55 Sat 05-Oct-13 23:00:16

Not ridiculous if he was just happy to be casually dating and didn't want a committed relationship.

Fuck it. who am I kidding. puts cynical hat back on. They are all Fuck wits !! smile

Ohnoitsgonewrong Sun 06-Oct-13 12:04:41

No I've not posted about him before , this is another one !! Haha god I don't half pick them

brokenhearted55 Sun 06-Oct-13 12:19:52

Ohno .....I really pick them too!

Be kind ro.yourself and tell yourself that he could handle dating but not commitment hence the we're getting too close comment.

farrowandbawl Sun 06-Oct-13 12:32:06

Do you really want to know what I think?

I'm going to tell you.

Based on this thread and the others, I think you should give up on dating for a while..maybe even a couple of years. You are clearly attracting the wrong person and giving out the wrong messages. Concentrate on yourself and other areas of your life for a while.

If you keep doing this to yourself over and over again, you are not going to be helping your self esteem or confidence. Both are going to take a knock after each failed relationship, fling, date or whatever. Give yourself a break from it all for a while.

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