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Cautionary Tale from OW

(129 Posts)
fuckedmylifeup Sat 05-Oct-13 12:54:36

I was relentlessly pursued by a MM whilst also married myself. This continued for the last three years. I take full responsibility for my actions but now I find myself:

On the verge of a nervous breakdown
Seeing a counsellor every week to try and get back the parts of me I lost during this damaging time
I've lost everything - my husband, my home, my job, my friends
Am on the receiving end of frequent and distressing text messages from MM's wife (and rightly so)
Grieving for two relationships - the MM (as stupid as that sounds) and my lovely dh
Devastated by the hurt i've caused dh who in no way wishes to reconcile (and who can blame him)

Whilst NOTHING has changed for MM (he is back in his marriage) - I have to start again from scratch. I'm a shell of my former self and can't see past this.

I can't eat/sleep/concentrate. I'm such a mess. Please help.

fuckedmylifeup Sun 20-Oct-13 14:44:18

Thanks for these lightbulb moment messages. I won't be responding to any future contact - I know he is messing with my head and that he had made his choice and that is wasn't me. I have long since deleted his number/blocked him but this is from a different number.

Please don't think I am not missing my dh, I'm crying noon till night at what I've lost through my sheer stupidity and the gravity of having to start all over again. You are right MM is just filling a gap in my head.

I'm sorry that I sound so sorry for myself, I know - i'm sick of myself! I'm desperately trying to get the strength to move forward - it is just so hard and the future looks bleak from where I stand. The strong inner me who would be telling me to pull myself together isn't there any more when I reach for the strength. I am honestly really trying.

Putitonthelist Sun 20-Oct-13 15:03:50

OP, I have been where you are. I got the point of being totally fed-up of being so down, I would apologise to my friends for STILL going on about him months later, it was all consuming. One day I woke up and I wasn't as consumed about it anymore. Dwelling on it is time wasted but it can't be helped, you will reply things over and over in your head, it's part of the healing process.

It's taken me 8 months to get where I am. I realised that all the time I spent loving him/hating him/thinking about him was taking up the precious time I should be spendig with my DC, my elderly parents, my friends - I would not give him the satisfaction of living rent-free in my head anymore. He was gone, he may as well have been dead. I don't know where you live OP but if you want to pm me maybe we could meet up?

Putitonthelist Sun 20-Oct-13 15:04:19

*replay

PAsSweetOrangeLurve Sun 20-Oct-13 16:08:53

FUML - what you are feeling is entirely normal love. It will get better - but the fact your are so hurt and low right now is what makes you vulnerable. MM doesn't actually care about you, he just wants to stroke his ego and make it all about him again. I really think you should change your number - then he cannot contact you.

Everything else that you are doing is a positive step forward - it's baby steps darling, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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