Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

why do people cheat?

(72 Posts)
holstenlips Thu 03-Oct-13 23:20:37

I need to know what reasons there are if a relationship is sound and haopy.

Lucca22 Sun 06-Oct-13 21:58:43

I'm sure I will, LovePeace...mine caused nothing but trouble, you couldn't do anything right, especially when it came to his beloved family. Even sighted it for the reason in the divorce "I was never nice to his mummy, daddy and baby sister". The fact he's been screwing this new bit....it's a joke. He'd do anything for a shag, which is the most hurtful thing about it all because here's me thinking I was the light of his life!

LovesPeace Sun 06-Oct-13 21:32:42

I laughed too, Lucca22, then told him he was just a tw*t.

Oddly, he developed emotions then, as he flounced out slamming the door.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you are well rid of yours. I've never been happier. smile

Lucca22 Sun 06-Oct-13 20:32:33

LovesPeace......that's about right Ha, Ha. Can I say, at least he's honest.

LovesPeace Sun 06-Oct-13 19:40:21

You have to remember there are special men who are blameless when they cheat; my ex told me it wasn't his fault as he was a psychopath.
grin

I'm now dating a lovely man, and ex seems very unhappy.

Lucca22 Sun 06-Oct-13 18:22:16

Joan sounds very supportive sister-in-law! Going through the same thing and I have to say the sister-in-law is turning out to be a right cow but no change there.

Lucca22 Sun 06-Oct-13 18:09:25

Men cheat because they think they are bl**dy irresistible and can't understand why their wife and children doesn't understand this. Once they do step over the line it's usually too late to go back and most regret the life changing move emotionally and finically. In other words they listen to what mr wiggle wants and boy does it get them into trouble!

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Sun 06-Oct-13 13:48:14

Hi Miss Scatterbrain. I agree no argument. I should have ended the relationship before I went out and cheated but I can't go back in time. However I did end the relationship a few days later. I just said. I don't think we're right for each other yada yada. I did not put him at any risk as we never slept together. xxx

MissScatterbrain Sun 06-Oct-13 13:39:35

life - the best way of dealing with lack of sex is to end the relationship first and then move on.

By cheating, you have lost the moral high ground - you will have lied and put your partner at risk of STDs etc.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Sun 06-Oct-13 13:13:24

I cheated on a partner because he did not seem interested in sleeping with me, so I went looking elsewhere and can I be honest and say it was the best sex I have ever had xx

Lizzabadger Sun 06-Oct-13 09:08:29

Chilbi unless he is actually keeping you prisoner in the house you are not trapped. I don't understand what you mean about "having to wait until my desirability to other men is nil".

Lizzabadger Sun 06-Oct-13 09:06:22

... and they love themselves more.

str8tothepoint Fri 04-Oct-13 20:24:03

Cos they don't really care or love you

catameringue Fri 04-Oct-13 20:09:10

I read an article about men being unfaithful, where the writer had interviewed lots of men who cheated.

One of the main reasons appeared to be a belief they could get away with it and that partner would forgive them.

I personally think men cheating can be an over confidence thing. They are secure in their relationship, think they are the bees knees, think they can do better, and forget how lucky they were to be with partner in the first place.

Fairenuff Fri 04-Oct-13 19:19:22

Chibli that is your choice. There are other choices.

chibi Fri 04-Oct-13 18:18:24

i can't, trapped. all i need to do is wait until my desirability to other men is nil. it happens to everyone eventually. if that sounds joyless, its because it is. i am trying to keep busy with other things to avoid thinking about how much i hate how my life is at the moment.

Yougotbale Fri 04-Oct-13 17:35:07

Chibi - split up and do it

Yougotbale Fri 04-Oct-13 17:33:47

Fairnuff - that's what I said in the next line.

I do think people stay In relationships too long.

chibi Fri 04-Oct-13 17:26:48

dh hasn't touched me in a year, i am trapped with him (long story) and he has completely shafted us financially

sometimes i think about finding someone who could be kind to me, to my body. i miss intimacy.

Fairenuff Fri 04-Oct-13 17:24:44

I think people cheat because monogamy isn't natural

No, people choose not to commit to one person because monogamy isn't natural. People move from relationship to relationship because monogamy isn't natural. People have more than one partner at a time because monogamy isn't natural.

But lying about it is completely selfish.

Telling a person you are faithful when you are not is a calculated choice.

Boosterseat Fri 04-Oct-13 16:54:50

Did you go and have a chat with HR or your supervisor? The best thing you can do is go and apologise to your supervisor, explain the situation and ask for support in this difficult time.

Practice some deep breathing and if you feel like its getting too much just pop off the loo/make a brew etc and regroup.

Once the grief lifts (and it will!) you will start to feel better. Everything is so raw at the moment and its ok, you are allowed to lick your wounds.

Tomorrow is another day and another 24 hours dickhead free
<does a little dance for you>

Yougotbale Fri 04-Oct-13 16:10:29

I think people cheat because monogamy isn't natural. However, that is not an excuse to do so when someone is a commited relationship.
I think many long term relationships fall in to friendship, companionship or familiarity.
I think many relationships have a natural lifespan. I believe this is much shorter than a human adult life time. I believe that because too much is invested in these relationships, be it financial, personal sacrifice, time, friends and family. It can cause resentment. I believe relationships as we know will evolve. You see this more with divorce and people marrying 2,3,4 times.
However, this structure does not condone cheating. Relationships should be ended at there correct time.

Ilovebreakfast Fri 04-Oct-13 15:35:35

You deserve better. This is a pain you have to go through. Hard as it is accept the upset and you will eventually reach a better place. It is a healing process.
No one especially a lying, cheating toad is worth feeling like this for. Be brave.

holstenlips Fri 04-Oct-13 15:29:16

Its so difficult working together. I ended up raising my voice at him in the office :-( and then even worse I swore at him (piss off) and a customer heard me. I will probably get fired :-(
Im going to have to tell someone everything.
Hes a cheat and always has been .I feel sick everytime Isee him. He was begging for another chance but anyway theres no point as I dont feel the same about him now. I never knew him
Cheating and lies just to boost his self esteem. Mines through the floor right now.

Kaluki Fri 04-Oct-13 12:56:47

I've often wondered why and can only come up with one reason - because they are selfish and dishonest!
Don't cry at your desk, I know it's hard but take a deep breath, hold your head high and act like you don't give a shit ... then fake it till you make it !!
thanks so sorry you are going through this

holstenlips Fri 04-Oct-13 12:55:49

Thank you x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now