Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.

amazing how you can be in the same room as someone and be lonely...marriage, it's a dull thing

(33 Posts)
netsuke Thu 03-Oct-13 21:58:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lavenderhoney Fri 04-Oct-13 04:24:03

Well, I feel like an old old lady- dh works evenings, he has a break between 4-6, goes back to work, I put the dc to bed, and either read, watch tv, tidy up, maybe an excercise DVD, dh gets home about midnight but I am in bed asleep as I have to be up at 6 for the dc. I go to bed so early I might as well be 6 myself.

And so it goes on. I don't want to go to book clubs and things just for the sake of it. I have done a degree on ou, I have researched my family tree.
My dh has a social life as he goes for a drink after work sometimes, which is fine. Or is it?

I have friends but they all have dh who are there at night, and I don't want to go out and party then go back to my evenings. I'm slightly scared I will miss it too muchsmile

ZingWantsCake Fri 04-Oct-13 04:52:56

sad

rubyrubyruby Fri 04-Oct-13 07:10:52

Bring back the intimacy - it doesn't have to be sex.
Sit with him, massage his shoulders, rub his feet.
You don't need words to connect.

Lavenderhoney Fri 04-Oct-13 10:35:54

Rubbing feet! that's enough to make me swoon back onto the sofa and immerse myself in the tellysmile and talk of massage oil just makes me worry for the sheets...

fuzzpig Fri 04-Oct-13 10:53:02

Life can be endless drudgery when you have all the responsibility that comes with having a family.

You need to inject some newness into your time together when the DCs are in bed or in school (easy for me to say as we both work PT - if you are both FT could you take a day's leave together?)

It's simple things really. DH and I were spending every evening just lounging in front of old DVDs, but now and again even making the effort to simply watch a new film makes things more interesting (easily pleased aren't i grin). Or you could cook a new recipe together.

Also if you can, have an evening out once a week - on separate days. If you're feeling lonely when your together, you may as well actually do something more productive. Join a club/choir/adult ed class/leisure centre. It should refresh the remaining 5 evenings as you have something to talk about, and unlike doing something together (which is good too) it doesn't require a babysitter.

There's lots of good suggestions on this thread. Talk to DH at a time when you're both in a good mood and agree to try some. Marriages need work to maintain but it's worth the effort.

SoYo Fri 04-Oct-13 10:56:48

OP I think you are me in a couple of years time. How depressing. Oh well, companionship it is then!

Offred Fri 04-Oct-13 11:10:08

I just left a relationship similar to this. He didn't want to change things, improve communication or intimacy. He was happy with his head in the sand and ignoring my misery. I worked at it for at least a year on my own before I realised it was pointless. When I left he suddenly wanted to work on it and do all the things I asked for; counselling etc a year before. Needless to say it was too late. I'm happy with the choice I made to leave. I don't want to waste more of my life on him.

BitOutOfPractice Fri 04-Oct-13 12:56:22

Offred are you me? I could have written that!!

I don'tknow whatthe answer is OP but wanted to say I know how you feel

PS I separated 8 years ago...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now