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Bloody H looking at porn on pc

(159 Posts)
wotafarce Thu 03-Oct-13 20:30:54

Am so mad; he knows I don't approve. I know he uses it, he has done for years but he always makes sure the history is deleted.

Just found some that he's looked at today and it was she-male stuff FFS amongst 'normal' porn. Usually it's 'asian babes'.
Wtf is that all about?

He's very techy and there's nothing in the folders on the pc (that I can see). Nothing on the history or temp internet files either, yet this stuff is on the recently changed files of both his & MY profile (which is how I found it when looking for one of my docs).

I feel like printing the stuff and posting it to everyone who thinks he's a nice chap. Fatheaded Twat that he his.

cjel Mon 07-Oct-13 13:31:37

take care wot.x

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 23:53:20

Thanks for your apology cjel, I appreciate it.

I'm going to take a break from this thread now, it's been useful to vent and I'd like to thank everyone for their opinions.

Albert27 Sun 06-Oct-13 21:58:27

My now ex was looking at she-male sites along with shed loads of other stuff - he told me it was like me on eBay, I'd find a dress I liked but I might end up looking at shoes too!!

Get rid of him. I did, best thing I've done for yonks.

And like you it was only one of the issues - was, no IS, an emotionally abusive twonk too.

cjel Sun 06-Oct-13 21:44:35

No, i'm sorry, I need to stop this, I'm being rude, It just struck me that it was hard to tell which came first - him not wanting to do chores or you being angry and not liking him . I'm not being helpful or supportive sorry.flowers

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 19:02:30

It was never a condition that he had to pull his weight to get sex, but over time I have become disillusioned and resentful with the house being in his name only, the continued financial abuse, and the amount of time his hobby takes up.

I have become a housekeeper to him - at least, that's how it feels and I think it's understandable to not want sex with someone who treats you like that.

cjel Sun 06-Oct-13 15:22:11

or from his point of view, he gets 'paid' for doing chores with sex? or why should you have it your own way? I don't understand where that thought comes from - they are two distinct things surely or do you get diamonds for washing up and he gets a kiss for paying a bill? you should seriously leave - you sound so selfish 'I'm not going now just to have to move again in two years' I hope you get two more healthy years to have that option.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 14:18:55

Yep it is sad, but there's no violence thankfully.

I'm never having a relationship again though, this has put me off for life.

sweetiepie1979 Sun 06-Oct-13 14:12:17

Oh God that is so sad. That's an awful way to live I'm so lucky I'm off to give my husband a big hug and s kiss. Reading threads like this make me realise how lucky I am. I would hope that if I was in your position OP I'd leave I'd like to think I'd have left a lot sooner than this. Good lluck to you both I hope you both find love again.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 13:56:53

The DC probably do realise but I'm not moving now just to move again in 2yrs time.

There's no angry shouting, just 2 people who don't care for each other living in the same house. We're quite a busy household, so not much opportunity to do 'family' stuff really. I do the majority of stuff with the DC.

AnyFucker Sun 06-Oct-13 13:51:58

What a grim way to live, OP. I cannot understand why you want to keep this farce going. Do you think your kids don't notice how much you hate your husband, and vice versa?

Vegehamwidge Sun 06-Oct-13 13:49:16

Isn't it time to break up?

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 13:42:45

sweetie - don't hide! You're entitled to your opinion, I'm not nice I suppose, but 20yrs of living with someone like that will make a person 'not nice' I guess.

sweetiepie1979 Sun 06-Oct-13 13:35:31

Can I also say OP, that though I feel for you because your angry I also am picking up rightly or wrongly that your not very nice to this man and I feel really sorry for him. (hides)

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 13:31:13

I seriously doubt he'd leave - he's too damn lazy! And, if he did then I'd stay put until DC had gone.

sweetiepie1979 Sun 06-Oct-13 13:30:11

Is there anything you like about him OP? It sounds like he is as unhappy as you. The jobs round the house, could you not get a handy man in to do a list of things for you every so often get husband to pay? The jobs are probably a constant reminder and build resentment. The fact that he dosent instigate sex anymore suggeststhat he is feeling rrejected and probably lonely. I'm sure he would rather be having sex and sharing fantasies with you and if he is going through a sex drive surge at the moment hes got to deal with it somehow. He's only 50 And life is short. There must be something you like about him? If not leave him help him leave you so your both not wasting anymore if your precious lives together. Your a hottie you say so you could be with someone your attracted too and have a friendship with and he sounds like he needs his own space and a chance to be in control.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 13:29:14

cjel - I don't get 'joy' but I can't understand why it all has to be on his terms, ie he can be as lazy as he likes, yet I'm supposed to be all willing to have sex when he wants it?

cjel Sun 06-Oct-13 13:20:08

vivaci, I was wondering why she gets so much joy out of making this man so miserable - sounds cruel to me. Why would he want to come home and do 'chores' when shes a miserable woman? there is no home to build here is there? Hope she doesn't get a shock one day when he decides enough is enough and leaves - her plan for moving in a couple of years wouldn't be 'do able' then .

Vivacia Sun 06-Oct-13 13:02:43

I don't think any of us can say it means anything other than you're choosing to live unhappily.

Perhaps you get a kick out of that? But that's just a guess.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 12:59:32

Yes Vivacia - not sure what that says about me - barking, I imagine.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 12:58:11

The DC will go in 2 yrs, all being well with grades etc. Not long; I will prob move 'home' (other end of country) which will entail job change. So not really do-able atm.

Vivacia Sun 06-Oct-13 12:57:53

This comment from Ruby earlier hit the nail on the head,

You clearly despise your husband, and want him to be unhappy more than you want to be happy.

ImperialBlether Sun 06-Oct-13 12:52:10

Why the hell are you still with him? He clearly makes you really, really angry and unhappy. If your children are studying A levels they haven't got a 'few years' until university. Think what that would be like anyway, if they left home and you two separated? Whose house would they go back to for weekends? Don't you think it would ruin their first year away? If they are old enough to travel from one house to the other, why don't you live separately and each of you have bedrooms for the children, so that they can go back and forth? It's no fun being seen as the disciplinarian and you might find their attitude towards you changes if you are away from your husband and happier.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 12:45:02

Actually Imperial, he doesn't instigate sex now. Ever.

wotafarce Sun 06-Oct-13 12:43:38

Well, generally he's very lazy and so DIY jobs are left for years (and I mean years). This obviously makes me full of resentment & that coupled with a libido that's gone AWOL & erratic periods means we rarely have sex.
He won't come to bed unless we're having sex, stays up (surfing porn) until 2am, even on work days. He can't get out of bed at w/e (tired) which doesn't make for a good relationship.

I object to being viewed as his 'plaything' and him substituting that for porn when he doesn't get his own way.
He's like a sulky teenager.

ChoudeBruxelles Sun 06-Oct-13 12:35:29

How much do you think he watches porn? I don't see the link between watching porn and not doing jobs around the house unless he's doing for hours and hourson end

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