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does it ever work if one partner is pro vaccination and the othervis anti vaccination?

(175 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Thu 03-Oct-13 07:05:56

Just wondering if this issue is a bone of contention or has split anyone up? Ive met a lovely man who wants kids and so do I but for some reason we got talking about vaccinations. He Iis very anti vaccination and hasnt got his kids done whereas im very pro vaccination. For some reason I know this is a big issue for me. Am I being daft? I guesd I just get people who fall for conspiracy theoriescand scaremongering. There are many other qualities about him I do get and admire though. Very early stages so do I carry on?

Jengnr Thu 03-Oct-13 07:13:55

It's up to you. I wouldn't want a child with someone like that personally. But I feel very strongly about vaccination.

The time when you would have to fight this battle you will be very emotionally (and possibly physically) vulnerable.

meditrina Thu 03-Oct-13 07:19:40

How old are you? Are you likely to have more DC?

People with wildly differing views can form good relationships, but it makes a big difference whether those views are on issues which are theoretical or are ones that will definitely crop up and lead to an impasse.

Such impasses, when there is no middle ground, can indeed wreck relationships.

Hopelass Thu 03-Oct-13 07:22:23

I'll be really interested to see others' answers to this. I'm 38 weeks pg with our first and whilst OH is not VERY anti vaccination, he is certainly suspicious of them (he's a bit fond of conspiracy theories and thinks they are all full of poisons Etc) and I know I'm going to have a fight on my hands to persuade him to let me have our child vaccinated. He knows this and I have said I want reems of written information from him with evidence as to why he thinks our child shouldn't be vaccinated when the time comes if he even wants me to consider it.....I will win eventually I think but I'm not looking forward to the battle.

meditrina Thu 03-Oct-13 07:23:27

Sorry, I should have spotted that you said you do want DC (I'd focussed to much on the existing ones).

If you would not be happy with someone who rejects conventional medical treatment (selectively, or broadly like a JW) then perhaps this is not the one for you. It's not a matter of who is right or who is wrong, btw, it's a matter of compatibility of views.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 03-Oct-13 07:28:17

People who are anti-vaccination tend to be pretty ignorant IMHO so no... I wouldn't carry on

Bugsylugs Thu 03-Oct-13 07:28:49

From a medical point of view if both of you have parental responsibility you both have to agree. Generally if you pitch up the nurses rarely ask about the other parent.

How about if you want to travel?
Would be a deal breaker for me. Is he anti singles as well? Would also depend on the reasons for being anti.

Would he/you consider delayed vaccinations?

Would he/you be prepared to look at each vaccination individually and make a decision for each one or not together. There is a fair bit of information about each drug now but it does take hard work to both research and understand the literature.

I think being pro/anti as an absolute is a bit evangelical and naive to be honest and you'll both need to climb off your high horses if your relationship is going to work.

KatyTheCleaningLady Thu 03-Oct-13 07:29:37

I couldn't be with a man like that. There's just nothing attractive about a tinfoil hat.

'Add message | Report | Message poster CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 03-Oct-13 07:28:17
People who are anti-vaccination tend to be pretty ignorant IMHO so no... I wouldn't carry on'

That has to be one of the most ignorant statements I've seen on MN

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 03-Oct-13 07:30:49

I'd also want to know how the mother of his children felt about this. Was she fully on board or was she bullied into leaving her children vulnerable to diseases by this idiot?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 03-Oct-13 07:31:31

@Starlight... thanks! smile

Lweji Thu 03-Oct-13 07:34:14

I wouldn't and I'd agree that it may well be a sign for something else.

"He" didn't get his vaccinated? How about the wife?

Being very against something that is effectively mainstream and medically advised suggests other issues.
Did you get a feeling that he'd impose it on you or just try to convince you?

DistanceCall Thu 03-Oct-13 07:37:45

As far as I'm concerned, not vaccinating your children is tantamount to child abuse.

People really don't remember what it was like when children died (or were severely damaged) by polio, etc. And it's not a matter of "well, we don't need them anymore because people no longer get those diseases". They don't get them because we vaccinate!

Lweji Thu 03-Oct-13 07:38:49

Definitely wouldn't consider being with someone who risks the children's lives.

It's not even measles, it's meningitis and diphtheria and tetanus.

magicturnip Thu 03-Oct-13 07:40:30

I think people who are anti vaccine are ignorant in the true sense of the word. They are ignorant of what the world was like before vaccines. They are ignorant of the fact that the immune system fights off multiple viruses every day, so make statements like 'omg, vaccines are of multiple diseases, I'm not having that'. They seem ignorant of the fact that it used to be normal to walk around and see people facially disfigured by small pox or crippled by polio. They are ignorant of the fact that it used to be normal to know babies who had died from the diseases we now vaccinate against. The anti vaccine lobby are an unwitting testament to how brilliant and successful vaccines have been as you can only be against them if you have no memory or understanding of how much more precarious life was prior to vaccines.

merrymouse Thu 03-Oct-13 07:40:35

As far as the relationship goes, I think it depends on his reasoning and how much you enjoy being with somebody with opposing views.

However, I would not want to be having this argument about the medical treatment of a real child.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 07:59:45

Some of the comments on this thread are disgusting.

Op Perhaps you need to compromise on delayed vacc. Also I know of a couple who had this issue. She found lots of information (that wasn't from cults or strange websites) and together they sifted through it all and agreed on a plan.

We delayed vacc and I've no issue with our decision.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 08:02:19

'omg, vaccines are of multiple diseases, I'm not having that'

I've never heard anyone who is anti vac say anything remotely like this.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 03-Oct-13 08:02:47

If you 'delayed vacc' you're not 'anti vaccinations'... well done.

Haven't you? I have. My dad for one. The argument that the immune system can't cope with several diseases at once is one that is used by the anti vax lobby often.

I have little patience with the anti vax pov. My parents didn't vax me against mumps or measles and I got mumps as an adult and lost the baby I was pregnant with. It's not a mild, Insignificant disease.

queenbitchapparently Thu 03-Oct-13 08:09:22

Not vaccinating kills people.
My friend caught mumps and her baby died.
It is not worth that kind of risk.
Ask him how he would feel if his potential daughter miscarried because of this decision.
I know I would feel pretty shit as a parent, it's my job to protect them.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 08:09:38

No I'm not anti vaccinations, Did I say I was?

I believe vaccinations have their place and we are lucky to have them while other countries would give their right arm for them. But I do believe the way our country schedules these vaccinations means our children are very small and I don't think this is right, not for us anyway. We delayed with the consent and help of our gp. (who was supportive instead of worrying about meeting his targets £)

Haha omg hi

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 08:17:00

I think its a decision that scares alot of people.. I know I was. I was bombarded with information from both sides and it was really difficult to make sense of. I couldn't make a decision either way until I felt I was really certain I understood as much as I could. I am now comfortable with our decision to vaccinate- but before any of you flame me.. my daughter had medical issues as a small baby that meant vaccinating while she was very small could have made her very sick. We delayed and she was able to have them with no side affect like everyone else. She was under medical advice and care the entire time.

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