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When being dumped?

(16 Posts)
Leavenheath Mon 30-Sep-13 21:37:20

I see. It's really much better to just accept that someone wants to leave a relationship, not try to persuade them to give it more time. It's a bit unethical and unfair on someone who's probably dreaded the 'we must end it' speech. It's okay to say you're sad about it, but always best to say you appreciate their honesty and accept their right to make that decision.

brokenhearted55 Mon 30-Sep-13 21:18:29

No leaven I meant I wanted to keep the relationship going to try a bit longer. Twas only 2 months.

We did have common interests: shared a few already in that short time.

He was only 3-4 months out of a relationship lasting years when we met. He shouldn't have been dating. and was in hell at work. never mind.

Leavenheath Mon 30-Sep-13 21:05:08

Anyone with half a brain can see through the intensely childish 'Ok whatever' and if anything, it causes people to lose respect for a person. I'd say it was very teenager but that's probably doing my kids of that age a disservice. Even they can see through something like that.

It's better to be honest, but accepting of the other person's wishes. There's no point continuing to see someone in my view who was never a 'friend' in the first place and with whom you've got no common interests. It just prolongs the agony and the hope that they'll have a volte-face and want to try again.

Clean break. Move on. Always best.

brokenhearted55 Mon 30-Sep-13 20:53:23

My friend had a right rant at me and said always feign indifference.

I wouldn't want someone to come back just because they wanted what they couldn't have. they'll just duo you again.

I was feeling really embarrassed at how I handled it. But you know what I told him I liked him, I told him I would like to keep seeing each other (bu over no common interests but we hadn't spent much time together & didn't know that well). Oh well. too late but at least he knows I liked him.

ofmiceandmen Mon 30-Sep-13 20:39:07

Ps - never go back. If someone can't realise your value in the first place then they don't deserve you.

ofmiceandmen Mon 30-Sep-13 20:37:29

That's where no contact is vital.
It's not how you break up, it's what you do afterwards.

They can't miss or realise what they have lost unless they don't have it anymore.
And it also means you get time to realise that you probably didn't need them in the first place.

Either way it's a win, win for you grin

ALittleStranger Mon 30-Sep-13 20:36:17

Yeah I don't agree with your friend.

The only time I can really see that approach working is if the reason for being dumped is you'd been a complete drama queen during the relationship and he suddenly saw your in a more mature light.

Or it's psychological game-playing, and as you say, that's not going to stick.

OP I understand what you're saying about if you fake disinterest and that subsequently sparks their interest again, then do you really want someone who plays these games. As you say, they should be interested, not because they think you don't want them either. I'm inclined to go with the dignified, "that's a shame because I don't want to split up, but I respect your decision" response to getting dumped.

brokenhearted55 Mon 30-Sep-13 20:31:07

Yeah fine.

I didn't explain very well. One of my friends told me I handled the break up badly in telling him I liked and being sad not to see him anymore.

He said if I had just said ok, whatever, he might have come back.... Weird thinking I thought. And what would I get if I had reacted that way. Someone who ends it again very quickly.

Vivacia Mon 30-Sep-13 20:24:34

I'm struggling to understand what you're writing. Are you ok?

But I never thought that approach would work.

However, if I've understood you correctly here, how you react to the end of a relationship is not a ploy to getting the other person back.

brokenhearted55 Mon 30-Sep-13 20:17:27

Yeah I always do. Let them know I.like them and don't want to break up but accept it.

The advice seems to be normally that you should just say ok whatever, and that's the best hope they'll come back. But I never thought that approach would work. We want what we can't have is the basis for that reasoning. But what do you actually get when they come back for that reason. They get you back and then don't want you again?!

ALittleStranger Mon 30-Sep-13 20:11:12

Honest but dignified, definitely.

adale63 Mon 30-Sep-13 20:05:35

be honest is my advice

cupcake78 Mon 30-Sep-13 20:03:53

Be honest if you want to be but remain dignified in front of them. It's perfectly reasonable to stick pins in the voodoo doll once your home smile

Hold your head high, shoulders back and don't look back.

ofmiceandmen Mon 30-Sep-13 20:00:10

Best to be honest about your feelings. but have your head held up and clear in thought. No begging, no pretence and no malice

and smile.

Then make a clean break. go No Contact and allow yourself time to grow beyond it.

brokenhearted55 Mon 30-Sep-13 19:55:20

When you get dumped is it best to act as if you don't care or tell them you liked them and are sorry not to see them anymore?

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