I'm being spoiled with visitors, my brother has been here for the weekend, he has parkinsons, hasn't driven more than five miles for the past two years and has just come a 200 mile round trip to spend 48 hours with me. It has been hard work! Might even be able to sleep after this.
I can't face going away at present, but I seem to be managing to have visitors every weekend and the odd mid week night too. The kindness is astonishing.
cjel it's great to hear the strength in your words. Thank you, are men really just bastards?
Article I read yesterday said "let go or be dragged" I think that sums up how I've behaved and gives me strength to just not contact him/not see him/ let him just find out how sad and boring the life of a man on his own, working from home alone with a passion for a woman who wants no more than friendship from him is.
cogitoergosometimes
I am alone, but have at least ten friends within a couple of miles who will all come if i actually ring them (back in some cases!). I've got work twice a week and evening meetings if I can face them. I do masses of volunteer work which is handy when you need favours as we all spend lots of time just helping each other fill our commitments! I'm lucky, I had a lot of favours to call in (and boy have I ever!). I think at present my biggest problem is just being so desperately upset when i see anyone I care about who knows what's going on. I breakdown so badly i can see I frighten people and that's awful. It means I feel I should stay away and that just makes it worse. Village life is hell! so I'm very lucky to be a few miles out.....love the isolations and the quiet. Thank goodness! I'd be well scuppered if I didn't feel like that.
Favouritethings: I think one of the biggest angsts is to do with his proximity....It's unfortunate that my darling husband is only a mile away and in a lot of ways he's much freer than I to move about the area. He says he'd be perfectly happy if we just bump into each other (ah yes, particularly if Miss Joan Hunter Dunne shoud happen to be enjoying her close friend's company) ...I certainly won't be going to the pub any evening soon...I imagine he's spending more and more time there which won't be adding to his stimulating new head space. (Of couse, Miss H.D. won't go to the pub in the evening with him - that would be a different sort of friendship! she'll just have her coffee and three roll ups - funny that bit! - after a hearty game and buzz off to see her stupid boyfriend!)
Also, I hate that I can see the building he lives in when I walk the dog (Why do I go that way? hmm, I could start with that one...). I made a declaration to the dog the day he left that i wouldn't let her have a day without a walk, oh I have achieved something in 5 weeks - and it's become something of a soother.....now I've remembered to not take a phone with me! I spend much too much time talking on the phone to friends. I don't know quite what I expect them to say....but the only ones I hear are those telling me to keep him away and look after myself and all I really want them to be saying is "he'll come back".
I won't really have made any progress till I stop that I imagine.
whatnext074: I'm seeing him in the morning again to explain why I think I'm grieving not depressed and why I'm not starting taking antidepressants today.....thank you
night night all you lovely people.