Sexless happy marriage

[BigDomsWife]

. . . Do you think it is possible? My Husband and I havent had sex since we conceived our Son (who is almost 1). We also have a 3.6 year old Daughter and didnt have sex much after having her. Im finally losing the baby weight and my Husband is gorgeous. We have fun, respect and love one-another. There are often 'date nights', social nights sans children.

The other night we were blotto and admitted we saw each other differently since having had children. He mostly see's me as the 'wonderful woman who is an amazing Mother of our Children & Wife'.

I have to admit I would be happy to carry on the way things are. He is away with work often and has plenty of young gorgeous females who show an interest in him (by way of late text messages/e-mails). He says he is not having an affair but is it only a question of time?

[Offred]

I would be worried about this; en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna–whore_complex

[Bowlersarm]

It wouldn't work for me. I need sex with DH to feel that intimacy and connection you just don't have in other relationships. You may as well just live with a flatmate.

And I assume in time it would be easy for one of you to look for a sexual partner again and leave, if that is missing from your relationship.

[Neitheronethingortheother]

Its a long time to go without sex. Whatever about you not wanting it because of pregnancy etc it seems unusual that he has given up his sex life for that length of time. Did ye have an active sex life before children. It wouldnt be for me. We are married 8 years have 5 kids and I couldnt go longer than a week without sex. I need the physical connection and I love how sex makes me feel and I love feeling desired and attractive to my partner.

[Tonandfeather]

If he's getting late night texts and e mails, I'd say that horse has already bolted and his life isn't sexless even if yours is.

In answer to your first question about whether it's possible to have a sexless happy marriage, only if neither wants sex anymore or doesn't mind being unfaithful/their partner being unfaithful.

[AnyFucker]

I don't really trust this thread.

[ilovebowie]

meaning?

[steeking]

Why? (Just curious)

[Tonandfeather]

I understand why.

[GoofyIsACow]

Why AF?

[FetchezLaVache]

I don't either, AF.

[DuelingFanjo]

Nor me.

[Tonandfeather]

Maybe everyone would be so jolly about her husband getting late night texts and e mails from young gorgeous females and not mention it till right at the end?

Or maybe they wouldn't?

[Maybelady]

This can work if you both want the same thing- and you have no qualms about your DH having sex elsewhere which is what is likely to happen in time. I have a friend who had a sexless marriage for 11 years- her choice. Eventually the marriage ran into serious trouble and needed a complete re-think.

[BalloonSlayer]

if he "has plenty of young gorgeous females who show an interest in him (by way of late text messages/e-mails)" then he is at the very least flirting with other women.

Young gorgeous women don't go round sending late night texts or emails to happily married men with 2 kids without some encouragement, you know.

[Fairenuff]

What is the content of the late night text/emails?

[Maybelady]

If this is genuine as a post ( and not posted by the DH himself) then I think you have to look very hard at your feelings.

Your final point was- is an affair inevitable? In a word, yes, if you both carry on as you are.

Your post seems full of contradictions- on the one hand you seem chuffed and blase that your DH has female admirers, but you don't seem to feel any jealousy or outrage that this could lead to an affair or a divorce.

How do you know he gets these texts? Is he open about it? Do you read them?

You are presumably quite newly weds and your marriage is following the pattern of end of honeymoon period, time to face the reality of 2 young DCs which can impact on your libido.

If you are genuine, you need to consider your libido- do you not want sex again, with anyone, or do you just not want it with your DH?

You each need to ask yourselves some very tough questions, not least where the marriage will go if you don't have sex with each other.

[BigDomsWife]

This is genuine.

I have friends who have sexless happy marriages because to them Marriage means far more than Sex. My Sex drive has taken a Nose dive since Children. I could go without Sex for the rest of my life. We have been together for 8 years.

My Husband has always had female friends throughout our relationship. The late night texts are usually after he has met up with the girls for group drinks, 'it was nice to see you', we should do it again' e.t.c Although there have been txt from him to girls along the lines of 'where did you go', where art thou'.

I must come across as very naive as I havent ever thought of the messages as flirting/inviting but perhaps they are.

Judging by your responses, my marriage seems doomed.

[Maybelady]

I suspect your husband's female friends are perhaps more than just friends. Who on earth are 'these girls' he meets without you? Are they all single?

Your friends who have sexless marriages- that's fine if both parties don't want sex.

I have yet to meet a man who thinks his marriage means more to him than sex ( except in the case of illness or disability.)

Withholding sex because you don't feel like it and not making any effort to find out why, is not fair on your husband.
Maybe having your hormone levels should be checked, or think about getting fitter and having time away from the kids as a couple.

If you genuinely do not fancy each other any more then you have to agree either to split up, or live with a sexless marriage for 50 years, or come to some agreement that your DH - if he wants sex- will seek it elsewhere.

The current situation is not viable until you are each on your death beds.

You need to face the reality.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"I must come across as very naïve"

Well put it this way. You may be living in a sexless marriage but he certainly isn't. Not so much naïve as a bit stupid. Sorry

[queenbitchapparently]

Sexless marriage is fine if you both want it.
If one of you doesn't and one does then you will have issues.
I would get some sex councelling. Get rid of his madonna view of you as the glorious figure if wife and mother and make sure you are both happy with the way things are.
Personally I think there is always a reason people stop having sex.

[cantthinkofagoodone]

Cogito, that was below the belt.

A period of time where you have less sex is normal but I would try to get back in the saddle. I can't imagine not wanting to feel that closeness with my husband again, I suspect that you're just out of the habit of having sex.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

'Get back in the saddle'?... And that's above the belt I suppose?

[cantthinkofagoodone]

Calling the op stupid is uncalled for.

Referring to sex in a thread about sex is reasonable.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Well what would you call a woman that thinks her DH has been celibate for almost two years and thinks that his little harem of female admirers aren't providing other services?

[cantthinkofagoodone]

Wow. Calm down! Is this not a place for support and advice? You seem to be taking pleasure in telling a stranger on the internet that she's stupid for trusting her husband.

If you feel that it is impossible for him to have remained faithful, that's fine. There's no need attack the op!