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Surrogate baby's for men

(80 Posts)
Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 16:45:29

Not sure what topic area to place this thread in. I suppose it brings up questions about the relationship between a single dad and a surrogate baby. I have a friend that is not currently in a relationship and not wanting one. He is really ready for children, both financially and mentally (age 35). He would be very happy to have children now before he gets too old(his personal opinion). If it was an option he would take a surrogate pregnancy.
Really, I was just wondering whether people thought surrogate babies should be legally available to singles? To men? Or to women? Or both?
Do you think it compared to woman having artificial insemination (not sure what the medical term is, sorry if that is straight off the farm) or whether surrogacy should be treated very differently?
In theory I don't see anything wrong with both single men and women having babies this way, although we only discussed it yesterday.
What do you think?

JoinYourPlayfellows Thu 26-Sep-13 16:49:00

Do you think it compared to woman having artificial insemination?

Um... no. In no way at all is it like a woman having AI.

Artificial insemination doesn't involve renting another human's body for 9 months.

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 16:52:11

I suppose, the sperm would not be rented though. They legally allow it for couples. Anyway, looking past that. If a surrogate was willing to do it. What do you think?

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 26-Sep-13 16:55:57

It is possible the book Good things come in threes is the true story of a UK based single mans journey through surrogacy.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 26-Sep-13 16:56:47

So yes it is already an option legally.

Twinklestein Thu 26-Sep-13 16:57:59

Wouldn't it be as well to find a partner as a surrogate? Who's going to look after it?

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 16:58:54

Should it be made legal, in terms of being recognised as a single parent in a legal sense. It's one I'm not too sure about

meditrina Thu 26-Sep-13 17:00:18

It is already legal in UK, as your friend would know even from the most cursory reading of sites such as Surrogacy UK.

If your "friend" hasn't even read up on the current legal position, then I doubt he is as ready as he believes to be a parent.

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 17:01:05

Twinkle - yes I reckon ideally. But maybe better than just getting together to have children. My friend says he would look after it.

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 17:03:01

Med - we were just discussing it. We did look online and read it wasn't yet legal but they were campaigning to make it legal. Sorry it must have been out of date info

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 17:06:50

Med - just checked. It's the same info we looked at. It says it's not illegal but you don't get the same parenting rights. They say bring up a surrogate baby as a single parent is very difficult in UK.

Twinklestein Thu 26-Sep-13 17:07:34

He doesn't have to get together just to have children...

He could find himself a loving partner and create a family.

Who is going to look after the baby when he's at work? He can take time off, but he'll have to go back to work at some point...

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 17:10:09

He would work when the child is at school age. Like any other single parent. He has savings.
This was all in theory and discussion by the way. The discussion was yesterday

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 17:11:28

Med - this is what we viewed. A link from your link.

http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/page/Single-men-and-women/76/

DuelingFanjo Thu 26-Sep-13 17:14:44

would he be using the surrogate's egg? Or putting another donor's egg into the surrogate?
Isn't that often the way it's done?

Isn't that what Elton John and his Husband did? in another country though.

Twinklestein Thu 26-Sep-13 17:14:52

So he's got enough savings not to work for 4-5 years? Thereafter he will be able to leave work by 4pm every day?

MyChildhoodInACottage Thu 26-Sep-13 17:17:56

I tried to find a loving partner and create a family but it wasn't to be. I had my DCs using donated sperm and fertility treatment.

I knew nothing about it to start with - didn't mean I wasn't ready to be a parent hmm - it meant I had to research what it meant and the legal stance. Once I was clear on that I chose my avenue of conception.

I work full time. My DCs are in childcare. Like many, many other DCs around the country!

The difference is that I can have and carry children - men can't. So no real advice but I sympathise with his predicament.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 26-Sep-13 17:18:03

Read the book it details the first case the ups and downs and the money he would need.

ArtexMonkey Thu 26-Sep-13 17:18:43

"My friend says he would look after it"

It's a child, not a puppy. What he is basically wanting to do is get a woman pregnant then buy the baby off her, buy her entire future right to that child, buy the child's right to know its mother. Why do you both think that this is 'better than just getting together to have children'?

Imo buying babies is as morally reprehensible as buying other people's organs. No wah wahing about it's not fair that women get to use sperm donors. Your friend has potentially the rest of his life to become a father, a woman of the same age doesn't have that option. That's biology for you: it tends to not be fair.

FreckledLeopard Thu 26-Sep-13 17:23:10

I know in a number of states in the United States, it is perfectly legal for a single man to have a child via a surrogate, and have full legal rights over that child. I believe, though am not a specialist in this area, that as long as there is a genetic, biological link between father and child, the man will have full parental rights and responsibilities in this country, should he choose to use a surrogate abroad (i.e. in California).

I don't see an issue with this. What I would find distasteful would be to use a surrogate from a country such as India, where women are desperately poor and surrogacy is not something they necessarily go into willingly, but are forced into to escape poverty.

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 17:24:50

Duelling - In theory it could be either way. From what I've read because Elton is married they get full parenting rights.

Twink - I suppose that once the baby is born it would be the exact same set up as a single woman that had had AI. I suppose there is financial support from the government. He is pretty well set up.

This was just a discussion. Something we hadn't given much thought to in the past. My friend in theory said it would be something he would do.

I was more interested in experience of it. What views people had on it?

notanyanymore Thu 26-Sep-13 17:25:13

Artexmonkey I take it your against surrogacy, egg/sperm donation in general then? Not just in this set of circs?

MyChildhoodInACottage Thu 26-Sep-13 17:26:34

It won't be particularly common, OP. I doubt you'll get many, if any experiences on here.

My thoughts echo that of FreckledLeopard.

ArtexMonkey Thu 26-Sep-13 17:29:09

Notany, I think that surrogacy for money has enormous potential for abuse, as I said, just like organ/blood/bone marrow donation for money.

Surrogacy for money is illegal in the uk, but op has already said that the uk method wouldn't suit.

Yougotbale Thu 26-Sep-13 17:30:32

Art ex - it's just a discussion. He hasn't taken steps to do it. He said he would be interested in it. The 'look after' it bit was a response to a question using those words.
I hear your views, I'm undecided. I think gay men having children is ok. You are clearly against it

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