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Agreeing access: endless arguments :(

(28 Posts)
Solasum Thu 26-Sep-13 12:03:31

The baby has not even been born yet, and ex seems determined to make everything as hard as possible.

I have said provisionally that I'd be happy with two week-day evenings (he works full-time, so could not do days) then every other weekend. In time the two evenings would become overnights, as would the weekend, and when the baby is too little to be overnight, I thought seeing him for one day every weekend where possible would work.

He says I am being utterly unreasonable, and that I need to think about what is best for the baby, which would be him seeing his father every day. For various reasons, I am not prepared to play happy families with this man. I do not want him in my house every day. Or at all, but I can see there is not really any option with a tiny baby.

What can I do? I feel like I am doing ok and then he starts raging again, and the tension rushes back. I want to make the best of a not ideal situation, for all of us. But most of all for the baby.

StillSlightlyCrumpled Thu 26-Sep-13 13:43:45

Moving to your street is not on if you aren't together. It will be a hundred times more difficult for either of you to move on on such close proximity.

However, it is good that you're confident he wants to be a good father but he does need to understand the boundaries. Being so near, I hope he doesn't feel he can just pop in unannounced etc.

Solasum Thu 26-Sep-13 14:00:55

He moved a while before we split up. As I am planning on moving anyway, it is not something I am worrying about...

I am intrigued to see how things play out once the baby is here. If it had been a girl, I would have been fairly certain he would have little interest. But it is a boy, and My Son is seemingly very important to him.

dedado Thu 26-Sep-13 14:16:45

My Son won't really exist for a year or two. The reality of a baby who sleeps for most of the day and only wakes to eat, pee and poo is what he'll have to deal with. And access to bond means ex doing the heavy lifting, not just the playing.

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