Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dumped - not 'spiritual' enough

(270 Posts)
redundantandbitter Tue 24-Sep-13 00:11:24

A month ago When DP went to 'healing' camp he loved me .. When he came back he had experienced a 'spiritual awakening' and has recently said he feels the need to end it all with me, after 4 years, to start a relationship with a yoga teacher... Yeah it would be funny if it was a Victoria Wood sketch.. Unfortunately it's my life. I absolutely adore the man. He freely admits he loves me but HAS to follow this path as he feels he has met her in a previous life and its destiny. He can't see that having a lot in common with someone is called co-incidence. We don't live together, he's 43yrs , and in a very pressured front line job. We have always been very close emotionally, loving, great sex, besotted, tactile. I genuinely can't see where I went wrong...

JoinYourPlayfellows Tue 24-Sep-13 00:14:30

You went wrong spending 4 years with a complete tosser.

His "spiritual awakening" is that he met someone he fancies more than he fancies you.

You haven't gone wrong

He's a twat. And you were lucky to get away.

He can dress it up in knitted yoghurt and Tibetan bells but the fact remains he cheated and he left.

Poor you sad

expatinscotland Tue 24-Sep-13 00:17:32

He's joined a cult. Stay well away!

LemonDrizzled Tue 24-Sep-13 00:19:52

Hi R&D have a wine

Your DP is a twit and thinking with his genitalia. He is following the age old script and will find every fault with you because his head has been turned by Yoga Lady.

You are entitled to feel hurt, to cry and rant, but ultimately this is not how a DP behaves. Let him go and find someone who deserves you!

JoinYourPlayfellows Tue 24-Sep-13 00:20:18

Yeah, the cult of I'm So Brilliant.

Hookedonclassics Tue 24-Sep-13 00:22:54

Get some flower petals, scatter them in a circle. Get some sage, use it to "smudge" the circle space. Say "DPtwat is a tosser" three times. Step out of the circle. All the bad spirits will fly to him while you will be left cleansed and healed.....

Load of new-age bollocks - just like he is telling you.

You didn't go wrong, you have been liberated from a tosser!

WeAreSeven Tue 24-Sep-13 00:24:11

You have to hand it to him, of all the pathetic, snivelling, shitty excuses these guys come up with, it's fairly, if not totally original!
He might be a spiritual cheating nobber but he's still a cheating nobber. No doubt Yoga Lady will find out the same in due course.
wine and cake lady!

redundantandbitter Tue 24-Sep-13 00:25:00

Ok...bear with me.. He hasn't started this relationship yet.., thinks that by ending it with me.. Having a break...is better to avoid 'overlap' . I know he hasn't physically done anything but mentally it's all there so it's hotel/motel all the same really. I must add that we both left our long term
Partners for each other and it's hell and back ... Only just reaching a calm place in the past few months. He's supposed to be mindful and all 'meditation' but quite frankly I feel like the one who is centred and caring..., he is soooooo self absorbed... When I have visited him to talk.., he just cries. I have tried to pitch sensible words to him.., to end it nicely...be friends etc... But he's like an emotional
Bull in a china shop, crashing about causing maximum damage. I am in shock, lost weight, can't eat, even my period came a week early... Totally freaked myself out with the stress but got to remain calm exterior.. Have 2 DC who adore him. Can't bear to tell them

tethersend Tue 24-Sep-13 00:29:53

I bet when her met you, he HAD to be with you, right? Just like he HAS to be with her now.

He's just a drama queen.

And a cunt.

A drama cunt, if you will.

dysfunctionallynormal Tue 24-Sep-13 00:32:42

ditto what expatinscotland said.

any decent, genuine spiritual teacher would have told him that is NOT how it works. i'm a spiritualist but i wouldn't go running off with the first person i felt some "connection" or "familiarity" with.

i think he's either been brainwashed - in which case i would be worried, or (more likely) he's using his new found "awakening" as a cowardly excuse to get his leg over some new "totty". sorry. he sounds like a cowardly and pathetic excuse for a man who's dealing with his mid-life crisis very badly.

you deserve better. and you WILL find better. let him go xxx

redundantandbitter Tue 24-Sep-13 00:32:58

Funnily enough , tethersend, I got an email from him going on about how he was feeling etc... I sent him one back saying 'stop being such a bloody drama queen' ...

bragmatic Tue 24-Sep-13 00:32:59

I'm so sorry.

I think you should back right off and avoid all contact. See what happens when he comes to his senses. Hopefully by then you'll have realised he's not worth it. Rip off the bandaid and move on.

LemonDrizzled Tue 24-Sep-13 00:33:17

This maybe was an exit relationship for you both, and not a long term prospect. He sounds exhausting and if you can swallow your pride and admit that you broke up a long term relationship for someone who is a knobber then you can move on.

Think of life without a sobbing drama cunt in it. (Love that tether! smile )

redundantandbitter Tue 24-Sep-13 00:36:55

Today is the first day I haven't contacted him. I simply ran out of words. I can't stop being a loving person though. That would mean his crap 'unspiritual'
Actions were affecting my ability to be a good person. I don't rant or swear... Just confused by the completely lame excuse. You would die laughing if you knew what he did for a living .

whitesugar Tue 24-Sep-13 00:46:07

R&B I am sorry you are going through this, its not nice when a relationship breaks down and I hope you get over it without too much pain. I do think that he is treating you badly by hiding behind the spiritual awakening crap. He should have more respect for you and be honest. Well done for not contacting him, keep it up! I have a feeling that he is a policeman.

Lottystar Tue 24-Sep-13 00:48:31

There is being a good person and being a "mug". Sorry to be blunt and I know it's easy for us to judge from the outside with no emotional ties but he sounds like an emotional, draining leech of a man. "Spiritual awakening" my arse. If he truly cared for you he would not treat you in this cruel way. Step back, deep breath and chin up. You sound like a lovely lady withy a lot more.

Lottystar Tue 24-Sep-13 00:49:59

*worth a lot more, even.

Lottystar Tue 24-Sep-13 00:51:40

*worthy of a lot more, even.

redundantandbitter Tue 24-Sep-13 01:00:08

Thanks...no, not a policeman. I know what I would say if I were reading my own post but he really is the most gorgeous man... But he seems to be on self destruct.. And hurting me in the process. I am feeling a bit stronger and protecting myself but I feel all this is so immature and unnecessary . What happened to 'think about what you HAVE got, and not what you haven't.. He has done this before (with ex w)... There's a pattern , yes I did point it out to him. I feel a total dick.

dysfunctionallynormal Tue 24-Sep-13 01:06:16

If he contacts you again.....tell him that behaving the way he has done and by not treating you and what you had together with respect (deliberately hurting you) he has only created more bad karma for himself-and it will follow him around- it's true! Let's see how he deals with that one!

EBearhug Tue 24-Sep-13 01:18:31

Does yoga lady have any idea he's planning to start a relationship with her, or is it all in his head?

dysfunctionallynormal Tue 24-Sep-13 01:20:46

Yoga 'lady' needs a kick in the yoni!

Leavenheath Tue 24-Sep-13 01:20:46

Take away all the spiritualism and woo stuff, because it's just smoke and mirrors.

What you're left with is a unreconstructed cheat. He cheated with you, he cheated on you.

Of course something has already happened with this other woman. Something had happened with you before he left his former partner, hadn't it? He wouldn't have left her if he wasn't sure of the package you were offering.

Same old, same old.

He's especially manipulative because he can't think of himself as an ordinary cheat. No, he needs to dress it up as needing to 'find himself' or 'following his spiritual destiny'.

How can you have any respect for this complete charlatan?

He is not gorgeous and he's not on a path of self-destruct. He's just an average cheat who's thinking with his nether regions (not his ^spiritual mind^) and is happy to destroy you and the kids to get his fix of new sex.

Bollocks to you having to be 'spiritual' in your response. Get angry instead, but use that anger well and tell him you no longer want him and wish to get on with your life.

If you've got financial commitments, hold him to them. Spiritualism doesn't butter any parsnips, as no doubt Victoria Wood would say. It doesn't pay the mortgage either.

whitesugar Tue 24-Sep-13 01:29:02

I agree that you do need to get angry. Don't humour this spiritual awakening lark, he is just getting his leg over. Apologies for being so brutal. I am not convinced that he is self destructing either. He seems to be coming out of it extremely well. If he loves you as much as he says he does he wouldn't leave you. Try to focus your energy on looking after yourself so that you get through this tough time. He doesn't deserve your concern and doesn't seem to be worrying about you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now