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Im really angry with my DP

(72 Posts)
AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 12:34:26

On saturday night me, my DP and our 2 year DD old went to our friends for dinner and drinks, we planned to stay overnight so we can drive home in the morning, they have 2 DDs and we always have a good night when we see them!

This saturday after the girls were in bed and we were sitting at the kitchen table, we ran out of booze! There was a beer festival down the road so the husband offered to go get some more, he asked his OH and my OH but they couldnt be bothered so i said id go! So off we went! We were about 20 mins. We came back to them both topless at the kitchen table, she was covered with a cushion and apparently they were playing strip poker, i kicked off a bit and said well why would u do that?! If you wanted to play why wait until your alone! I dont think they were up to anything but i think its totally inappropriate! I wouldn't play anyway by the way but thats not the point.

Her OH didnt make a fuss at all! So i just sort of carried on the night, i forgot about it until this morning and now im really angry! How disrespectful of my feelings and how could he think that was ok!

Im sure they were just having a laugh but if that happens when im bloody there what happens when he goes out without me!!

Sorry its long, just needed to rant!! Hes at work so im stewing and thinking off what to say, how would you feel in my shoes?

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 12:38:56

Also forgot to say he actually doesnt think shes very attractive so i dont think he wanted anything to happen, i jus feel hes embarrassed me, i know she thinks hes attractive as she bangs on about it a lot!

Yougotbale Mon 23-Sep-13 12:44:12

I think it depends on what kind of relationship you both have. Also, what levels of trust you have. It's up to you two to set your boundaries. I'm sure he won't do it again if you have told him it upset you.

edlyu Mon 23-Sep-13 12:51:01

I would think that she was the instigator of the game and she wanted to play(and lose) so she could show him her 'assets'.

He didnt refuse as he probably didnt think it would get that far before you came back.

She probably does this sort of thing all the time with unsuspecting males she takes a fancy to. Her DHs lack of response indicates no surprise to me. Maybe "oh we have run out of booze" was a ploy to get you out of the house so she could have her wicked way with him grin

Next time don't leave them on their own together.

mcmooncup Mon 23-Sep-13 12:55:02

Can we just get this straight....you went out for 20 minutes and when you came back your DP and a friend were topless (i.e. without bra) at the table?

And everyone was fine about this?!

CoffeeAndScones Mon 23-Sep-13 13:14:29

You kicked off 'a bit'?

I admire your self-restraint. If I ever did this I would (rightfully) expect my DW to detach my testicles with her bare hands.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 23-Sep-13 13:16:51

I'd think it was the end of that particular friendship and that I was partnered with an immature arse....

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 13:18:20

Exactly mcmooncup! I was totally shocked and everyone else acted like it was as normal as coming back and them siting watching tv.

I wont be leaving them alone again! They have low boundaries and think are quite open to sharing each other. Im not and im insecure, my DP knows this and thats why im hurt, im glad im not over reacting! But will keep it to a stern word instead of going batshit crazy at him later smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 23-Sep-13 13:19:05

Surely you're dropping the friends?

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 13:28:26

I certainly wont have us all staying together like that again, we are all part of a crowd of friends so think i will distance us from doing things solely (sp) with that couple!

I talked to her about it today to say i thought it was inappropriate and i was angry and she said 'she is such a shit friend, she didnt want to, shes so sorry' making me feel bad for sayi anything! So i cant be bothered with that crap, shes 29 shes big enough to say no IF she didnt instigate it! And why wack her boobs out straight away, she had jeans and pants on too, i would prefer to be in bra amd knickers than totally topless. My trust in her has gone, and depending on how my DP explains and reacts it may be gone from him too!

Wow. she's an unusual person.

TheGerontocracy Mon 23-Sep-13 13:32:46

Maybe it's time to tone down the staying up all night getting shitfaced with friends.

Now that you have three DD between you hmm

If her DH was really unsurprised, I would imagine that the hosts had planned the evening to go this way and further! your reaction probably shocked them!

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 13:36:51

Thank you but we were not 'shit-faced' or up all night, just a few drinks with friends, which obviously went wrong, we do this with them maybe once every other month, to be honest im not sure why im explaining myself, theres nothing wrong with what we were doing, just certainly with what i walked in on them doing! Which is what i was asking about.

TheGerontocracy Mon 23-Sep-13 13:40:12

Well then, in response to your original query, in your shoes I would feel that my partner was an immature arsehole, and my friends not much better.

I would also feel that maybe there are better ways to spend an evening.

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 13:40:23

Maybe thisisaeuphinism! So i wont be putting ourselves in that situation again!

Its a shame because me and my DP are only 22 & 23 and all our other friends are still out clubbing! So its nice to have dinner parties with other couples and the children playing!

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 23-Sep-13 13:45:46

You weren't shitfaced, but you forgot that you caught them topless and kicked off a bit, until this morning?shock

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 13:49:09

Yes dione! Honestly i for one wasnt shit-faced! I had forgotten probably because considering what a big deal it was it was just whisked under te table like nothing, we also got up early sunday and went out for sunday linch with family then went home to sort out packed lunches and uniform
For DP & DD! So quite busy, It was only when i was telling my friend at the gym about my weekend that i remembered!

LaRegina Mon 23-Sep-13 13:52:28

Oh my goodness - how would I feel? Well after picking myself off the floor, probably launching myself at the topless 'friend' and then frogmarching my H out of the house, I would feel like my world had been turned upside down by the person I thought I could trust 100%.

I am amazed that you managed to 'carry on the night'. I certainly wouldn't have done. Your powers of self control and trust in your H are astonishing - seriously. What did your 'friend' say when you walked in? And wasn't your H terrified of what you'd think? confused

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 14:00:03

Laregina- its not my self-control more my shyness and insecurity, im not confrontational and when her OH wasnt surprised i questioned whether i was over-reacting, i do trust my DP especially with this woman because he thinks shes a but weird and unattractive. If it was someone he talked fondly of maybe i would have reacted differently.

Im hurt by him because him doing this without me there feels like he couldnt care how i felt when i came back and saw that or like hes trying to show that he can do/ can get what he wants when he wanted to, i mean if he doesnt want to sleep with this woman (which im sure he doesnt) why else would he do that? Unless hes just very, very stupid. We have been together 5.5 years, and i know hes still selfish and stupid, hes grown up alot in our time together but still has some to do!

LaRegina Mon 23-Sep-13 14:18:22

sad Ayeaye then if your H knows you're insecure he's being a double-arse for being so insensitive to your feelings.sad

Unless this woman overpowered him, tied him to a chair then decided to wobble her flobs at him against his will, he has no excuse for what happened IMO.

You don't have to accept this kind of behaviour you know - I'm not saying 'leave the bastard' - just that you need to not let it go this time. Make sure he realises how upset you are and that he's got a lot of making up to do. And find a new friend because this woman isn't one.

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 14:24:43

Laregina - thank you, thats exactly why im angry because he should make me feel good not worried! And i agree he has no excuse, i havnt talked to him about it as hes at work! But i have text him to let him know im cross, if he says that he just felt awkward and knew i would be back any minute i wont be so angry, just remind him sternly what his job is as a loving partner! If he says it was just a bit of fun after a few drinks then i will lay in to him how i dont deserve to be treated so badly and be disrespected like that.

Yes, i do not think of her as a friend anymore. I will be telling him that going to their house in the future is a nono!

LaRegina Mon 23-Sep-13 14:26:12

And you could also ask him how he would feel to walk in on you flashing your boobs to one of his friends smile

AyeAyeCaptainMummy Mon 23-Sep-13 14:30:39

Laregina i know he would say he wouldnt care he would just think it was a laugh! But thats because he knows bloody well i wouldnt do it! Think he would be very angry if he actually caught me doing that though! He has much more trust in me than i do him so doesnt always understand where im coming from!

JohFlow Mon 23-Sep-13 14:47:39

Strip poker - really?

Just between two - really?

On their own, without a motive - really?

confused

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