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Please help! I'm admitting defeat now. It's won!

(82 Posts)
BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 08:53:05

I've been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for a year but now it's crippling me.
It's taken over. I can't fight it anymore.
Im sitting here dizzy and faint, don't feel like I'm in reality. I can't go out. I have no energy.
This has won.
I can't see a way of getting out of this.
I think I need help! Im going mad aren't I?
No one here to help!
I have two DC to look after!

CostaLady Mon 23-Sep-13 08:57:08

You're not going mad, love. Are you getting any help from your GP? Are you on any medication? There is help and it will get better. This moment's going to pass. I find breathing exercises help - breathe slowly and deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth.

OliviaPope Mon 23-Sep-13 08:58:04

Breathe slowly and stay calm. If it'd won you wouldn't be on here asking for help.

Where do you need to go, and can you call anyone in RL to help you? Please also call your doctor now.

You aren't going mad x

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 08:58:38

breath sweetie,

Do you know what has started the panic attacks off?

Can you make an appointment to see your GP and get some help?

This will not beat you or define you, your struggling at the moment and you need help to get past this phase you will get past it, you will win.

[Hug]

Dontlookbehindyou Mon 23-Sep-13 08:58:58

Do you have anyone you can call to come look after your dc? You need to get some support and look after yourself.

Most of all it has not won! You are in charge of your life and are not going mad you're just struggling at the moment and that's ok, lots of people struggle you need to make a cup of tea and phone your gp and get the ball Rolling to get some support and maybe counselling.

It can only win if you let it and even if you don't feel it at te moment you're too strong and brilliant to give up now!

myroomisatip Mon 23-Sep-13 09:01:11

{hug} Panic attacks are horrible, but only that, you are certainly not going mad.

The only way I got over them was to accept them. Once I knew what what happening to me (i.e. I actually wasn't about to die), and I knew what to expect I just relaxed and concentrated on breathing, and waited for it to be over. I am thankful I found a way of dealing with them so I no longer get them. I hope you can find a way of dealing with them.

Have you discussed any of this with your GP?

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:02:48

You have to breath through a attack

Heres what you do.

Breath in through your noise for a count of 5 untill your lungs are full. Feel the air fulling your lungs, feel it comming through you noise,

Start breathing out through your mouth, slow steady stream for a count of 10.

Imagine your out breath is pushing a red balloon away from you, each time you breath out it gets further away and you can see a clear blue sky piece by piece, untill the balloon is a spek and your surrounded by blue sky and warmth from the sun.

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:05:01

Thank you.
I have text my mum but she is at work.
I have no idea what started this. I think stress has just built up over this past year and now it's hit rock bottom. I really really need a break. DP never helps with DC so never a minute to myself.
I had a panic attack driving yesterday after building up to one all day. DP told me I was being a cunt! (Coz I asked him to drive the rest of the way)
I feel so alone! Just me and the kids all day everyday.

rightsaidthread Mon 23-Sep-13 09:10:05

BimboJimbo I have been there and sometimes still am.
I can only second all the advice given here. I have had some wonderful support on mumsnet.
What works for me is focusing on one really small thing when I'm in the grip of an attack. For example gripping an object and really noticing its texture, how heavy it feels etc.

Keep talking to us x

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:11:13

Bimbo

Your DH is a arse!

No wonder you are having panic attacks, your body is trying to get you to slow down.

Anychance you could get away for a few days?

I would ask MN to move this either to mental health or relationships i think you will get better support.

BTW I never say this, But what exactly are you getting from this relationship???????

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:14:37

I'm gonna have a cup tea and start doing my housework. I need to focus on doing something. My mum was like this and now I feel I'm following in her footsteps. I just want to be a good mum to my DC but right now I'm failing them!

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:17:02

Bimbo

What are you getting from this relationship??????

You are failing your DC if you stay in a relationship that makes you this ill, for no good reason or without trying to see if you can have counciling with DH etc.

you are NOT failling your DCs by being ill, no one can help being ill and I can beat most mums hands down in the ill department, I am still a great mum to my DC you are too or you wouldn´t be worried about failing them!

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:19:25

Google,
I am starting to realise that DH is not what I need right now.
After many pleas for help to him, he just says sorry, I forgive and nothing changes.
I can't be in this house anymore. I have lost who I am. I don't know who I am.
Really can't remember the last time I was happy.
Every now and again I will smile and the think, Shit I was happy then for two seconds. Which means they are rare.
I need my children to be happy and right now with a mum like me they are not.

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:23:41

can you get out?

If this relationship is making you miserable and ill you need to think about a way out!

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:27:06

I just wanna leave. I need time away from this.
How can I just spring this on DP? In his eyes he's doing nothing wrong. I fear it will end horribly if I bring that conversation up. But I can't carry on here

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 09:31:50

Have just skim read and might have missed it, but have you been to the GP? There could be an underlying physical cause for this.

It's hard to seek the help you need when you get knocked back like that. Perhaps your DH is scared that you could be ill and doesn't want to accept it, wants to make you better by pretending it isn't happening? Whatever the reason, you need to go to your GP.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 09:34:48

Have you had any blood tests to check your thyroid function? What was it your mum had (or did she not get a diagnosis and lived with symptoms?)

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Mon 23-Sep-13 09:35:47

Oh love, it hasn't won. I suffer from panic attacks, am on beta blockers and am on my second round of therapy ... but I will get there and so will you. I know how utterly terrifying, frustrating and depressing it is, PM me if you want to talk x

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:50:41

Sorry if I miss anything out.
I have been to GP and am taking a beta blocker but while it stops physical symptoms to an point it doesn't stop me working my self up. Sometimes however there is no reason. I haven't had thyroid checked. My aunt has had problems with hers though. I'm not completly sure of mums diagnosis. I know she suffered depression and used to self harm, panic attacks as well.

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 10:24:37

Posting here has made me feel slightly more normal this morning. I've had some food (had no appetite lately) and I've put some washing on. Even cleaned bathroom!
Normal things for everybody, but the smallest task lately has me anxious!
The only thing I'm worried about now is picking DH up from work at 2!
I really can't get into the car today! I know it will end in a panic attack. I just need to shut off these thoughts, relax and do it calmly! But I've forgotten how. Why am I letting my mind do this? It's a 15 minute drive. More than 2 minutes makes me panic now. I know I need to see GP again but last time I was there I was on a high and she now thinks I'm fine!

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 10:32:16

Low or over active thyroid function affects various hormones can cause depression and/ or anxiety...Worth getting checked, especially as your aunt had this. There are other symptoms too, so might be worth looking into.
That might not be it...Perhaps some counselling would help, or there's something else making you have these symptoms.
Read NHS direct pages on your various symptoms before seeing your doctor.

As for your dp, present an assertive front to him and explain to him how you feel, adult to adult.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 10:33:40

Why does driving make you anxious?

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 10:42:51

I defiantly need to be more assertive with DP. I just hide most feeling from him coz I know the reaction will be not worth it. Yesterday for example.
Driving makes me anxious purely because I've had panic attacks in the car. No other reason.
I used to love driving. Would put DCs in the car as babies and go on long drives! We used to go everywhere.
That seems like a lifetime ago! And now I can't handle more than two minutes which restricts my day to day things. I'm slowly becoming a prisoner in my own home.
I used to not understand when people said 'I can't leave my house' Couldn't imagine why some people were anxious to go out.
That has bitten me on arse now and I'm suffering.
Maybe it's for being so selfish in my younger years.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 10:55:31

Why do you have panic attacks in the car? Do yiu have them that often in the house?

Can I suggest you go and take your next tea break in the car? Or give it a bit of a clean. Do your MNing in the car if you can. Spend time in the car without driving anywhere. Are you able to do that without a panic attack?

Then if that isn't it, what is it about driving that causes your panic attacks?

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 11:56:40

I have them in the car and house. The one this morning was in the house. In the car is because I'm scared of one happening and something will happen to me with DC in the car. I'm constantly thinking bad thoughts while I'm in car. But now I'm doing it at home as well. I feel so unwell. I am fine as a passenger. So it's not the car itself. I need to ask for help but it makes me feel like a failure. My whole body aches. I just dont think I can face driving to get DH from work. I can't physically do it! But I can't leave him there either. sad

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