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Emotional Affair?

(51 Posts)
ChilledGuy Mon 23-Sep-13 07:09:05

Sorry for the long post but I've let it all out.

Morning!. I fixed a friends PC over the weekend and she showed me mumsnet so I've signed up today for advice really as after reading a bit on here I think I've been having an emotional affair and don't know what to do about it.

Been with DW for 10 years and married for 6. We have a hectic life through work so don't get as much time together as we'd like. Anyway, my behaviour over the last year or so I'd written off as being a good friend to OW but thinking about it now...

I met OW who was an old school friend at a friends birthday about 2 years ago who I'd not seen for years. She was over the moon to see me and introduced her long term partner and was talking about him hopefully popping the question soon. I was very happy to see her and delighted she had someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Anyway later that evening I saw something that made me think that he wasn't as fully committed to the relationship as she was (he didn't cheat but his behaviour was one of someone not happy).

A few months after that it popped up on Facebook that she was now single so I sent her a message asking if she was ok. Turns out he didn't want marriage and had instead gone off with her friends. She was in a mess and I messaged her a lot during this time and was very supportive. We flirted a little but nothing more.

A few days later I went out for a friends birthday (DW was away) and OW was out too. She looked stick thin and was very drunk. I took her back to her place and made her some food and slept on the sofa. I left in the morning and came home feeling guilty (I've never told DW). We then messaged each other every day on Facebook until she told me she was getting back with her BF. I was sad but wished her well and cut ties as I wanted her to have a clean slate with him. I cringingly said to her "sometimes I wish I was him" when very drunk one night. Still cringe and regret saying that now.

Few months passed (no contact) and they broke up again and she got in touch. We pretty much chatted every day on Facebook about everything And I never felt bored talking to her and it was nice having someone to listen to and would listen to me, we did flirt and joked about meeting up many times.

She started dating again so we stopped talking as much and then a few weeks later I went to meet a friend who I hadn't seen in a while and he had a new gf who yep was the OW!. This was very awkward for me as I couldn't chat to her properly if that makes sense?. Eventually they had a messy break up which I helped her through. The flirting got worse and one morning I decided to meet her for coffee in a cafe for a chat.

I told her that I care a lot about her but never wanted to become one of her guys that she has bad memories about plus I didn't want to cheat on my DW (I did long ago which we worked through). She agreed and said that she couldn't imagine her life without me in it and I cooled it off again.

She's just got in touch again after breaking up with another guy. Talking to her properly again on Facebook made me happy as I'd not heard from her in a while.

I'm in some kind of weird emotional affair cycle aren't I?.

ChilledGuy Sat 28-Sep-13 07:47:07

5 days in and it's weird she's not got in touch but I feel relieved. There's been a couple of fawning statuses from her which I haven't responded to at all. Thanks for your harsh/helpful words they've helped a lot.

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