Hi - I wanted to say thanks in advance for your advice and taking time to read this I will try and keep it as brief as possible.
I met my current gf about 3 months ago (so a fairly recently relationship) I met her at a time in my life when I wasn't expecting a relationship as 5 months ago I came out of a 2 year relationship with my first love. It was a really horrific and traumatizing break up and I wasn't looking for a relationship especially so soon after my recent break up it just sort of happened. Since being with my gf I have been seeing signs in her behavior that I find quite distressing and don't know how to cope with.
Since being with her she opened up to me that she had a really horrid childhood with emotional, sexual and physical abuse from both parents and various other people. When I met her she had come out of a marriage of 2 years which was abusive and obviously left a lot of scars on her. She let me know before her marriage she had a mental break down after being raped by a stranger and the build up of the abuse over time. She since got herself better but it is obvious she has severe depression which I think (though I'm not dr) but believe has manifested itself in some sort of personality disorder or PTSD.
Even though we have only been together 3 months she started making remarks about my friends and how I put them "first". I am a social person and live with my best friend which tbh since my break up has honestly been the most healing positive experience. When she had her "mental breakdown" she lost all her friends so she told me she gets jealous that I have that and she doesn't. She has a controlling side to her which is just not how I am. Since being together only 3 months she's asked me to marry her and said she's DEEPLY in love with me which I personally find a bit "much" for a person who's known me only 3 months.
She tells me she hears voices that I don't really love her and I'm "using" her and she has a lot of paranoia to the point she won't even go running which I suggested would help her with her depression. I've finally managed to get her to go and see a counselor but honestly I feel she needs to see a psychiatrist which she will not do. She say's she will make herself "better" like she did last time. Whereas my point is you are clearly NOT better if you are acting like this and hearing things.
It's got to the point her behavior is SO erratic I actually don't know what to do. She demands CONSTANT attention from me even when I'm at work (and we both have jobs) and even in the evenings if i don't call or text (because she's been on my ass ALL day) and I want some peace and quiet.
Just Wednesday she fell asleep on the sofa and I left her to sleep as she looked comfortable so I chatted to my room mate and she wakes up like a bat out of hell and proceeds to argue with me for 2 hours about how I don't care or love her which i later find out the next day is her "paranoia" and she's been having nightmares and can't sleep recently.
I am honestly at my wits end with it all as bad as that sounds. It's just what I DIDN'T need right now in my life and all these issues forced on me I don't know how to cope with. I feel like I am walking on eggshells. I am the most relaxed, calm, uncontrolling person in a relationship my friends tell me I have the patience of a saint with all this but honestly I care about her a lot even though it's a new relationship but all this is just so unattractive and so self centered. Everything is about HER and HER depression and HER issues - none of it is taking into account me and my needs and tbh I'm a very easy going person with not a lot of needs so I kind of get washed aside.
Any advice from the lovely mumsnet community would be greatly appreciated.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Advice on my new relationship
Priceliss · 20/09/2013 14:24
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