I am confused about the way that I am reacting to things, I don't know whether it is me or if it is h who is causing it.
This morning I had a minor car accident, someone bumped into my car when it was parked, so I hadn't done anything wrong. It was a small dent, I wasn't worried about the car or about the money to fix it as the nice girl who hit my car immediately came to find me to tell me and give me her details (we were both at a mother-toddler group). However, because of where we live (abroad) we had to call someone to sort it out and the police had to be called too for paperwork reasons. I am 37 weeks pregnant and was also having to deal with this with my 2 year old. None of this bothered me. The only thing that bothered me was what would my h say. I didn't have my wallet on me with my driving license as I had forgotten it, I realised this on my way out but thought it didn't matter as I didn't need any money with me. I do know that it is the law here to carry your driving license at all times when driving, but I just thought it's unlikely I'll have an accident and rather than go back into the house, I'll just leave it.
So I was afraid of what he would say about that and about the fact that my phone battery was running very low so I had to tell him to call me on someone else's phone in case my battery died. He had to come from work in the end because we thought maybe he would need to present his driving license when the police were called. Anyway, it was all fine but he did comment about my not having my license. When everyone left I burst into tears and told him that I feel so upset that I am in a relationship where I am afraid of what my h will say about such stupid, petty things. I was already feeling tense all morning because he has been acting distant and cold towards me since we had an argument on monday (I posted about that too). He was apologetic, said he is just stressed about money and has been trying to stop drinking for the past few days and that he was struggling with this but it is in nothing I have done causing him to be like this.
I just feel like his constant criticisms are making me on edge and paranoid. I feel like I approach every situation thinking 'what will HE say or think about this?' rather than thinking about it from my own perspective. The stupid thing is, this only seems to have happened for the past month or 2 since I have been at home (maternity leave) and have been trying to be nicer to him. I knew he felt taken for granted before and when he grumbled about this or that I didn't really react, I knew what was important to me and that was what counted. I wanted to try and make more effort to be a good wife to him as I thought he deserved that. Now I just feel rubbish. I don't know what to do, I think he is worried about my reaction earlier and I will explain to him later what I am feeling but I just don't understand why I am feeling like this in the first place.
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Relationships
what's going on here?
neverendingjoy · 19/09/2013 13:22
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