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Can't believe he's doing this!

(379 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

AuchAyethenoo Wed 18-Sep-13 09:26:16

I posted a last week about some financial issues I'm having with my dp, basically he works full time on a decent wage, I receive CTC, cb and maintenance for my eldest dc. I pay half of all the bills, mortgage etc plus buy all of the food and all of the children's clothes, activities etc, etc. This has, of course, caused major stress for me to the point that my mum takes me food shopping just to ensure we have food in the house for my children.

Yesterday he comes home telling me he has just found out his brother (9 years old) has rattled up a £700 bill on his x-box on his mothers credit card. That she has no money at all now. MIL is on benefits, I suggested she could contact DWP to apply for a loan for food and essentials and perhaps speak to her sons father to arrange buying food for them.

I've now found out that dp has given his mum about £300. I don't grudge his mum help for food, but what I am struggling with is that he has no issue giving his mum money but never has any to give to me for our children.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 22-Sep-13 08:57:17

Hope you're ok op xxx

Get out Auch. Call WA now. I'm not being dramatic but the passport thing made my blood run cold.

He is already being 'nice' and will undoubtedly try and convince you that he's a good guy and that 'all if this' is in your head. It's not. It's him. This is real.

Do yourself the biggest favour you will ever do for yourself and your kids and get out.

You've done fantastically so far. Keep going. X

AuchAyethenoo Sun 22-Sep-13 12:27:51

A really quick update, I said I was going to get some shopping yesterday to leave, he wouldn't let me take dd2 with me, said he wanted to take her swimming. I couldn't leave. He's taken 2 weeks holiday from work to 'spend time together'. I'm in the bathroom with my dd1's iPod.

bragmatic Sun 22-Sep-13 12:28:11

I'm a little bit freaked out here, too. Please check in, if you can.

Bogeyface Sun 22-Sep-13 12:36:05

If you get any chance at all, call Womens Aid, please, you MUST escape this man.

I would also NC on MN as I rather suspect he has been checking up on you.

captainmummy Sun 22-Sep-13 12:36:29

He';s def sussed something Auch. Stay calm and act as normal as possible - hopefully well before the end of the 2 weeks he will get bored with the act and settle back to (his) normal.
Check in when ytou can - don't rock the boat.

Gruntfuttock Sun 22-Sep-13 12:52:26

Oh dear, how awful. I hope you're still remembering to delete your internet history, OP.

WafflyVersatile Sun 22-Sep-13 12:53:53

Do whatever you need to do to stay safe and get away from him. This might mean playing happy families until things calm down and you get your chance or it might end up meaning making a break for it or calling the police. If you can't call maybe someone here can if you pm with details.

Def name change and delete MN pages from history.

MissStrawberry Sun 22-Sep-13 13:28:44

Bumping in the hope someone can offer assistance.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 22-Sep-13 13:30:39

Are the children his?

First opportunity take the kids and leave OP. NEver mind things, you can accumulate stuff all over again. Just get yourself and your babies out of there.

Also remember if he tries anythign dial 999 that will buy you time to move out compeltely with the children.

Gruntfuttock Sun 22-Sep-13 13:38:23

This is so worrying. It's rare that a husband taking 2 weeks off work can seem so threatening and menacing.

TurnipCake Sun 22-Sep-13 13:38:53

This is very worrying. If need be, get the children when he's in the shower and go

Gruntfuttock Sun 22-Sep-13 13:39:00

Sorry, not husband, partner.

DameFanny Sun 22-Sep-13 13:45:27

Can you email someone to call round and distract him while you get things together?

cjel Sun 22-Sep-13 13:51:19

Can you go to your mothers altogether and then refuse to go home with him? thinking you may have to invlove others in getting away from this man WA or the police. This is not a game Auch, it is your right to be able to go out with your children and leave him if you want without being scared. this is no life for you or dcs. Please get the help you need to get out.

kalidanger Sun 22-Sep-13 13:51:51

Can your mother come and get you? The DC will survive her smoking smile

LookingThroughTheFog Sun 22-Sep-13 13:59:56

If you call women's aid, will they be able to provide someone to escort you and the children off the premises? Would the police? He's effectively keeping you prisoner.

I'm so desperately sorry you're in this position.

SanityClause Sun 22-Sep-13 14:00:54

Yes, agree with kali. A few days or weeks in a house with a smoker will be less of a risk to them than remaining where you are.

Can you speak to WA, as all? Do you have an email for them? They may be able to come up with a strategy whereby you can get out of there, even while he is there.

Also, please be very careful of this thread, and your identity on MN. You wouldn't be the first MNer whose partner or ex tracked their thoughts and actions on MN.

I've got everything crossed for your safety, and your DC's. flowers

PeanutPatty Sun 22-Sep-13 14:10:12

He knows. He bastard well knows. Please please please please be careful. As has been said if you can't get away just play the game until you get an opportunity to run like hell.

Why else would he take two weeks off without discussing it with you first? I smell a rat. A great big hairy controlling abusing one.

Can your mum call WA for you? Are you in Scotland? One of us must be able to do something, I'm sure we must cover the entire UK between us.

TheCrackFox Sun 22-Sep-13 14:12:17

I'm worried about you.

Please phone WA again, they will have dealt with this exact problem many times.

He is onto you. At the first available opportunity take the kids and go to your mums. He is only going to get worse.

Report the passports as stolen.

cjel Sun 22-Sep-13 14:12:59

Am west country if thats any good Bristol/bath area?

Cataline Sun 22-Sep-13 14:17:27

I'm in the North East(England) . Happy to do anything to help at all if I can.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sun 22-Sep-13 14:27:22

Sending strength.
I think you have to hold off on the househunt for now because your priority is to get away from this man and you can't wait until you have sorted a new place. Stay with your mum.
Right now you have two choices: 1. Get you and your kids out of there NOW by whatever means available. Call the police, pm one of us your address and we'll do it.
2. Sit it out for this two weeks and once he's back at work, get out. You will have to do an incredible performance for two weeks though and I would advise staying off mn unless you are absolutely certain that he has no way to see what you are writing.
This man sounds so dangerous. He has been controlling you with money for so long and now he suspects that he has lost that hold over you, who knows what he will do to find a new form of control.
Has he been explicit in trapping you or is he just making excuses which conveniently stop you leaving the house with the children? Keep trying, but only in the way you normally would- do you regularly go to the supermarket etc?
Also in the interests of acting normal, don't forget about the money issues. If you regularly ask him for money or initiate a conversation about his shittiness with money, he may get suspicious if you suddenly drop it.

expatinscotland Sun 22-Sep-13 14:38:44

Please, please call the police. He is holding you and your kids hostage and has stolen your passports.

NotDavidTennant Sun 22-Sep-13 14:59:19

Given how quickly he has moved to thwart your plans I would consider the possibility that he is somehow monitoring your internet use.

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