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Considering calling police, will I be wasting their time?

(116 Posts)
Wereonourway Sat 14-Sep-13 21:28:31

I posted a cpl of weeks ago re my ex and nasty text messages, not really threatening just very verbally abusive.

I took advice and made new solicitors appointment rather than approach te police with a view to getting some sort of non molestation order against him.

My solicitor wasnt present when I went to appointment and has since failed to contact me to rearange(whole other thread, I hope to be able to get a new solicitor using existing legal aid claim, I've no idea if this is possible.

So last night ex texted me saying he "knew" I was seeing someone and basically asking where I was, where ds was etc.

I vocally respond saying none of your business, leave me alone. For the record I'm neither seeing someone and was at home in bed. As was ds

The texts started agin this afternoon basically saying I'm seeing someone who has a gf and kids, he hasn't named anyone but he has accused me of this before and I've not seen the person in question for years and not communicated with him in any way for over a year.

As it happens I wouldn't be interested in this person even if single.

So ex is obviously wound up, albeit unjustifiably.

Tonight he has driven past my house and texted to again ask where ds was as house was in darkness, ds was in bed and I was in back bedroom ironing.

Again I respond that he needs to leave me alone but do tell him that ds is at home in bed. He respond with "if you don't stop lying ill come round there and find out for myself".

This is the first time I've felt threatened and I do want to call the police I'm just scared that they will see this as a silly domestic which will waste their time.

In truth I genuinely believe ex has issues with some sort of personality disorder, he certainly has narc traits and I'm worried what will come next.

He has no reason at all to drive past my house(tucked away well back from main road, he has no friends nearby) and obviously he has no right to behave this way but is it criminal?

I've got to hand ds over at ten am tomorrow for contact and just know his behaviour will be icy and disrespectful at best so my mum is going to be around.

This is shit, I'm nothing but polite and calm towards him and I've dealt with this for over a year. Is rig police immediately if I knew they would understand. Just feel shit taking them away from crime and important duties

captainmummy Fri 20-Sep-13 14:53:48

He's following the script - it won't be long before he is as abusive as ever. He's just convincing himself that he is a 'nice' guy - and he can tell people that he is trying to patch things up with you, and you are the baddie for not falling for it letting him.
Keep strong, OP. It's not your fault he is a shit - and his relationship with his dc is up to him, not you.

Hope you have a lovely weekend.

Wereonourway Fri 20-Sep-13 14:49:07

Thank you all.

I'm ok. Haven't been sleeping at all but have promised myself a peaceful lovely weekend with ds.

No update from police but ex is aware of their involvement. He has gone fully circle(as is always the case) and is now apologetic and insists we should sort this out like adults and sit down and talk calmly, its in best interests of ds etc

I've tried for a year to do this, I really have and I know I've for to formalise things and protect myself from anymore abuse and protect ds from having to see any shitty behaviour.

Not sure what's happening legal wise yet. I'm totally switching off to it this weekend and will face it full steam next week.

It's just shit, it really is. I want what's best for ds and don't want to be seen to me a mum who tries to inhibit his and his dads relationship. That's not the case. It really isnt

I do feel like I've tried absolutely everything

just stumbled across this thread. op you are doing brilliantly. really, you are. keep it up and stay strong thanks

MrsMcEnroe Fri 20-Sep-13 13:16:05

How are you getting on OP?

EasyToEatTiger Fri 20-Sep-13 01:00:33

A bit of support - mumsnet ((((((((Wereonourway))))))

It must be daunting to say the least.
You are doing so well.
I really hope you qualify for legal aid and get the support you need now.
Well done and try to stay strong (even if you are like jelly on the inside).
Keep going, your son will be so thankful you did all this.

Wereonourway Wed 18-Sep-13 14:59:41

Typed a reply and lost it. No update from police. Text from ex signals that he is aware they have been so assume they have knocked on door and he's not responded.

Been to solicitor. Sounds daunting but basically will be seeig her tomorrow to give her a statement re past events. Need to gather evidence of abuse.

Need to take evidence of earnings to see f I qualify for legal aid. If I do then court on tuesday. If I don't then I can't proceed

I'm scared either way

AllThatGlistens Wed 18-Sep-13 10:27:02

Have been following this OP, I hope you're okay and that the police have been back in touch with you flowers

Hegsy Wed 18-Sep-13 10:22:22

Hope you are ok thanks

Gruntfuttock Wed 18-Sep-13 10:21:20

Have the police been in touch yet, OP? I hope you managed to get some sleep.

SlangKing Wed 18-Sep-13 01:01:50

Sorry if somebody pointed this out already but I couldn't manage all 5 pages.

- "so ex is already wound up, albeit unjustifiably" -

He's your EX, it wouldn't be justifiable if you were seeing somebody.

C'est tout.

Hertschick Tue 17-Sep-13 23:32:10

You are doing so well - you have done superbly over the last few days. Keep going and hope things get a bit more resolved in the next couple of days when you see the solicitor.

Wereonourway Tue 17-Sep-13 22:23:09

Still no update from police although they said they would go any time up til 11pm and that theyd ring me afterwards. Have spoken to them tonight too and they still said they were going.

Ex was texting and ringing me up until about an hr ago.

I'm actually scared. Shaking scared. I'm worried about what he is going to do next and I've never felt like this before

betterthanever Tue 17-Sep-13 21:15:06

Keep safe OP and if you see him near your house, ring the police. You know he isn't going to like but you are doing the right thing.

YoniBottsBumgina Tue 17-Sep-13 20:07:43

Sounds good smile Thinking of you here as well.

Can you turn your phone off for a bit? Unplug house phone too. Watch some crappy TV. Or if you're with your aunt can you leave phone with her/another person on silent for a bit in case police call.

Wereonourway Tue 17-Sep-13 20:03:08

Thank you. I've not heard from police so not sure that they've been but ex is trying to ring me. I'm ignoring but heart is pounding.

There's just no need for any of this. None at all

WayHarshTai Tue 17-Sep-13 19:55:02

You're doing brilliantly. Just posting to add my support.

betterthanever Tue 17-Sep-13 19:31:02

You do the right thing to take the rest when you can. Look after yourself - chicken dinner sounds good smile keep talking it out.

Wereonourway Tue 17-Sep-13 17:44:19

Hi again.

I very much doubt there's anything else on laptop. We used it together whilst we were together. It is or was purely spite from him.

I did buy ds's stuff, only recently too, ready for colder weather. I'll do without them cos I have spares. I've leaned if I kick up a fuss or request anything he directly goes against it so ill keep quiet and they will come back.

Feel exhausted today, I'll be in bed at same time as ds tonight I think.

Police will be ringing me after their visit, jut hope he is at home so its not prolonged. Am fairly sure he has an inkling what's up as he as obvious texted me today to make himself appear calm and reasonable.

Been to see bf and her gorgeous baby today and having chicken dinner at my aunties as we speak.

It's really helping to talk t out too, so thank you. It's good to know you all feel I'm doing the right thing, even if it is scary!

Wereonourway Tue 17-Sep-13 16:32:19

Hi again.

I very much doubt there's anything else on laptop. We used it together whilst we were together. It is or was purely spite from him.

I did buy ds's stuff, only recently too, ready for colder weather. I'll do without them cos I have spares. I've leaned if I kick up a fuss or request anything he directly goes against it so ill keep quiet and they will come back.

Feel exhausted today, I'll be in bed at same time as ds tonight I think.

Police will be ringing me after their visit, jut hope he is at home so its not prolonged. Am fairly sure he has an inkling what's up as he as obvious texted me today to make himself appear calm and reasonable.

Been to see bf and her gorgeous baby today and having chicken dinner at my aunties as we speak.

It's really helping to talk t out too, so thank you. It's good to know you all feel I'm doing the right thing, even if it is scary!

TimidLivid Tue 17-Sep-13 16:24:07

I'm glad you are doing this I hope it all works out for you and u end up getting some peace from him

Orianne Tue 17-Sep-13 14:33:33

I'm wondering if there's something else on the laptop he doesn't want you to see?

betterthanever Tue 17-Sep-13 14:30:13

Good advice from hissy on getting another phone and batshit made me smile I have never heard that before.

Keep all texts he has sent so far and keep ignoring - I think he is a bit panicked about how you have been brilliantly responding to his actions. Keep to the plan, you are doing so well.

A residence order is not as big a thing as you think and a judge will not side with him. Any order has only to be made if it is will benefit the child - it will benefit your DS to have a stable environment and a good, consistent pattern of contact he understands which is what you are offering - threatening to withhold a child from a parent in the way your ex has done is not in the child's best interest. NO judge in the land will think that, that is ok. You having a laptop he thinks he should have or a million pound watch for that matter, has nothing to do with the welfare of your DS and he can't barter a child for a laptop or anything.

Make sure you keep notes on how your DS was in PJ's and no socks (ok before I get flamed as a one off in isolation no big deal but this is part of an overall picture/pattern of neglect) - I doubt he had been fed either - this is not good for your DS, he must feel very vulnerable but you are doing everything you can, DS has a wonderful mummy and as long as he has you he will be fine. Refusal to give you things that DS needs - and you bought I presume? is not right. I know you don't want DS to suffer any more but he should be providing things that DS needs whilst in his care.

All this put to a judge would be a no brainer - it is all child centred concern.

Hissy Tue 17-Sep-13 14:08:14

Don't hand over the laptop, get your 400 quid first.

Don't hand over DS either, as he's pretty much made threats against you. Your son is not safe with a man like this.

Suspend ALL contact, and insist on legal contact only, and only via a Contact Centre once you're safely away from him.

You need to vanish from his life, and only be contactable on YOUR terms.

Phone/text on specific days/times, off otherwise.

It'll drive him batshit, but he's not in charge here!

Hissy Tue 17-Sep-13 13:59:37

Can I suggest you get a cheap PAYG phone and switch that one off for now? You need to stay focussed.

You are being brilliant! We're all cheering you on! Xx

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