Am I being abused?
Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
A check list Use this site for some concise diagnostic lists and support
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
Why financial abuse is domestic violence Are you a free ride for a cocklodger, or supposed to act grateful for every penny you get for running the home?
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.
Warning signs you’re dating a loser Exactly what it says on the tin
Books :
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - The eye-opener. Read this if you read nothing else.
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans He wants power OVER you and gets angry when you prove not to be the dream woman who lives only in his head.
"The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans Answer: Perhaps - ONLY IF he recognises HIS issues, and if you can be arsed to work through it. She gives explicit guidelines.
"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward. The author is a psychotherapist who realised her own marriage was abusive, so she's invested in helping you understand yourself just as much as helping you understand your abusive partner.
"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverley Engels The principle is sound, if your partner isn't basically an arse, or disordered.
"Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie If you’re a rescuer, you're a co-dependent. It's a form of addiction! This book will help you.
But whatever you do, don't blame yourself for being co-dependent!
Websites :
So, you're in love with a narcissist - Snarky, witty, angry, but also highly intelligent: very good for catharsis
Dr Irene's verbal abuse site - motherly advice to readers' write-ins from a caring psychotherapist; can be a pain to navigate but very validating stuff
Out of the fog - and now for the science bit! Clinical, dispassionate, and very informative website on the various forms of personality disorders and how they impact on family and intimate relationships.
Get your angries out - You may not realise it yet, but you ARE angry. Find out in what unhealthy ways your anger is expressing itself. It has probably led you to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Melanie Tonia Evans is a woman who turned her recovery from abuse into a business. A little bit "woo" and product placement-tastic, but does contain a lot of useful articles.
Love fraud - another site by one woman burned by an abusive marriage
You are not crazy - one woman's experience. She actually has recordings of her and her abusive partner having an argument, so you can hear what verbal abuse sounds like. A pain to navigate, but well worth it.
Baggage reclaim - Part advice column, part blog on the many forms of shitty relationships.
Heart to heart - a wealth of information and personal experiences drawn together in one place
What couples therapy does for abusers
If you find that he really wants to change
Should I Stay or Should I Go bonus materials This is a site containing material for men who want to change - please don’t give him the link - print out the content for him to work through.
The Bill of Rights
What you should expect as a starting point for your treatment in a relationship, as you will of course be treating others!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Support for those in Emotionally Abusive relationships: thread 26
CharlotteCollinsismovingon · 13/09/2013 20:55
Thanks Charlotte. Couldnt open the topic myself as on my phone.
or 
to us all, the FW's seem to be out in force for most of us right now!
Cheers Charlotte - lovely to hear about your new challenges, and you embracing them so much, despite scariness. It's goooood! Thanks for the new thread. 
Sorry Charlotte, I was waiting with bated breath! 
You sound so much more relaxed, and great news on the house! Go you! 
Thats a good idea triggles, hopefully the counseling can help figure things out a bit and relieve some of the pressure. Hope you're ok
Charlotte yay for the house!
nini I think so. I feel sometimes like my brain has a bottleneck going on and needs to relieve some pressure. I wonder sometimes if it's the stress of just pretending it all didn't happen so much in order to keep things civil.
charlotte I am sure he finds it funny because the thought of a mere woman being n charge is hysterical and also in his head because you maybe made one rule once you are a domineering harridan. 
and of course he can never work out what on earth you are upset about- him obviously! my FW thought I was a control freak mind you I do have a thing about teaspoons and jam
for the new thread. and glad you are making moves on your move.
nini are you feeling a bit better?
right I really should do some work stop drinking ginger beer hic
Hi waves to everyone
Just got in from my date. It was ok but don't think we'll see each other again. He talked about himself all night and got on my nerves in the end didn't really ask about me. So chalk that up to experience. Problem is its made me start thinking maybe FW wasn't so bad as at least he go on about drinking exploits, not that he had any cos he didn't drink. 
jackie there are more than two fish in the sea baby steps.
but the good thing is you have got the first step out of the way.
Thank you Charlotte for the new thread. Interesting teatowel, this is uncomfortable reading! and FW finds it hilarious? Of course if you point out that it's not people will say that it's just a joke and meant to be funny (I get 'can't you take a joke?' a lot when I point out blatant misogyny).
But if you do a gender-swap on that teatowel it suddenly becomes not funny at all... and looks exactly like abuse. Weird!
Sad that the older generations find these things funny/acceptable but it's good to challenge these attitudes. I remember my grandfather, who was from the Deep South of America telling a joke one time in which he used the 'n' word my sister and I were shocked. And I couldn't imagine that happening today. Society/attitudes can change and gender stereotypes can and should be challenged people should treat each other as human beings! There, I've said my piece and I will get back to my housework .
Good luck Lemon, hope it all goes through.
I dont want to be with a man ever again. I'd love more children but I'll never trust someone enough to want to have them. I just want to be alone .
Another bad day here. Keeping my head down.
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