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Always at the bottom of his priorities. Feeling done in.

(16 Posts)
FeelingBroken81 Fri 13-Sep-13 18:21:35

Basically we've had a bad few weeks. Two big arguments, lots of tension, lots of sadness at the thought that maybe we're just not working out but we had a big heart to heart two days ago and I thought we were going to be ok. Basically I just wanted him to show me that he loves me. That's it.

Because the point is, I just don't see it. For a start, he never seems enthusiastic about anything that involves me unless it's something HE really wants to do. Example being a street festival thing we'd planned to go to for ages a few weeks back. I was all excited about going, had got all dressed up for it and in the end he said he couldn't be arsed and told me to go on my own. The following week he'd promised to take me to cinema on the wednesday night - Tuesday night comes and he says "oh I've been invited to cinema this week with the lads ... " I say "what night?" and he says "wednesday". I say "but WE'RE going wednesday?" and he replies "I'll take you another night, I promise." (see where I stand in his list of priotities here?).

Past two weekends a couple of music festivals have been running in town. He REALLY wanted to go so insisted we go to the first one. I didn't want to but I made the effort and went for his sake. He got drunk and upset me, giving me the silent treatment etc so that was awful. Following weekend another music festival was on - I really didn't want to go because of the previous weekend but he insisted so I went for his sake. Again he got drunk and was a complete bastard to me, really, really upset me and we didn't speak for the rest of the weekend.

Anyway this week has been shit, I've been so stressed out. But he'd promised to take me out tonight to celebrate a recent achievement so I've been really looking forward to it. Today, he comes home from work all sniffly saying he feels ill. He also left the bank page open on the PC subtly showing me how much into the overdraft we are. He carries on moaning and whining and in the end I say "just say if you don't want to go out" and he makes a noise which suggests he really doesn't want to. He says he feels like shit and is worried about money. Ok. Disapointed but if we really are skint - fair enough. He then tells me he'll feel ok to go to football match tomorrow day time and ... "oh btw I've been invited out to a works night out next weekend - I've tried to get out of it but you know how it is."

No I don't know how it is because I'm not the one that went to Leeds on an all night bender or went to cinema with mates last week or went to a 3 day break last month etc etc I'm the mug that says "no, we can't afford it" or "no, I have something planned with DP."

So anyway, truely and utterly fed up and pissed off I've just arranged to go out with a mate tonight instead. Now he's upset saying he was still wanting to go out, he was just giving his tablets time to kick in. Am I in the wrong here?? the pessimist in me is saying he's begrudginly wanting to go out with me so he can go out with friends next weekend without the hassle.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 13-Sep-13 18:25:57

Do you have children?

If not, just bin him.

You sound miserable and he isn't very nice to you.

VodkaJelly Fri 13-Sep-13 18:27:02

Sounds to me like he wants to go out now only because you have arranged to go out without him. Go out with your friend, tell your DP that you dont want to go out with him anymore you got a better offer and enjoy your night out

He sounds like an arse who is happy to go out but never with you.

My DP is very similar and it really pisses me off

Bedtime1 Fri 13-Sep-13 18:43:47

Yes I agree Definatley go out with your friends. Do not let him change your mind! He's walking all over you and as hard as it is you need to start showing him your no doormat and it seems your going to haveto stop saying to him you want to go out with him and arrange to do things with others. Hopefully he will take notice of you. Your current way isn't working in dealing with him.

Then more you do things without him maybe you will see more how he isn't really worth your time and effort.

tribpot Fri 13-Sep-13 18:47:04

Jesus Christ. Could he make it any more obvious that he isn't interested in your happiness, or in doing anything that you want to do? What the hell is the point of this relationship? Why on earth have you been going to things with him because he 'insisted' when he can't even keep a pre-arranged date with you?

Jolleigh Fri 13-Sep-13 18:56:47

I'm obviously not the OP but am in a very similar situation, other than me being pregnant. I'd like to thank those who have responded so far...if I could take to the 'me' of 6 months ago, I'd be screaming the same thing.

OP, don't let yourself stay in a situation like this. It either needs fixing or you need to get out. It'll only get worse otherwise. Start treating yourself as priority number 1 and do what you like for a while, with or without him. You'll know exactly what to do based on how he reacts.

Best of luck OP.

Lizzabadger Fri 13-Sep-13 19:14:18

Bin him. He does not give a shit about you.

It sounds like he is trying to goad you into binning him anyhow.

CocktailQueen Fri 13-Sep-13 19:19:38

Oh, he sounds horrible OP. I'd seriously think about your future with him. He is not putting you anywhere near the top of his priorities.

AnyFucker Fri 13-Sep-13 19:24:15

God, what do women see in such selfish men

I would rather get eaten by Alsatians than hang on to a complete dud like this

LemonDrizzled Fri 13-Sep-13 19:35:18

So you are not married and probably don't have children from what you have posted. What keeps you with him? He sounds awful.

lunar1 Fri 13-Sep-13 19:37:59

What are you getting from this relationship?

Walkacrossthesand Fri 13-Sep-13 19:39:19

'Fooled me once, shame on you; fooled me twice, shame on me'. The first festival night disaster - noted. 'If you think I'm coming to another festival to be ignored and insulted by my drunken OH you've got another think coming'. And if he does go down on bended knee and a promise of best behaviour, he starts the evening in no doubt that a repeat performance is a death knell to the relationship. You are half of this relationship and your wishes are just as important as his. Act accordingly.

wordyBird Fri 13-Sep-13 20:04:48

well said, AnyF..

FeelingB, most people arrange an evening out - why does he promise one? Because he knows he's going to let you down? Why all the promising, really?

Actually, it doesn't matter. You don't come down his list of priorities: it's worse than that. He appears to get something out of dangling a celebration in front of you, then letting you down.

Please don't wait around for any more treatment like this. This person couldn't care less about you or your feelings sad

hesterton Fri 13-Sep-13 21:58:42

Horrid man. You will be happier without him, I PROMISE.

shootfromthehip Fri 13-Sep-13 22:19:15

I have just chucked out my DH who treated me in a really similar way for many a year. I am happier as a result, if not saddened that it turned into that sort of situation. He's an inconsiderate git. I think it's better to be alone than live with someone who is slowing robbing you of your sense of value. It's a death by a thousand cuts. I'm not saying LTB but I am saying that you're worth more than you're receiving from this man.

Zazzles007 Sat 14-Sep-13 00:07:00

I dated someone like this for a while - only ever happy when you were doing what he wanted and pandering to his needs, and then treats you like shit while you are doing so. Get rid of him, its not worth it in the long term!

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