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I told her

(462 Posts)
Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 16:49:21

I have told the wife of the MM I had an affair with.

I am feeling a tremendous amount of guilt, because I know how much she is hurting. I think I wish I hadnt, but I feel that she has a right to know.

I knew it would never make me feel good to tell her, but I dont know what to do now, I wont contact her again, I just wish I hadnt hurt her, I deeply regret the affair and I need to move on, but I feel like I have caused a huge explosion and I feel so terrible about it, I dont know how to make things better..

Xales Fri 13-Sep-13 17:19:36

She did deserve to know. Now she can get STI checks and make sure her filthy cheat of a H hasn't given her anything. Poor woman.

I hope you have learned from this whole sorry mess.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 13-Sep-13 17:20:23

STD clinic you say... well yes, if he's been shagging around, his wife won't know to protect herself if she remains in blissful ignorance. Suppose she's pregnant/TTC? This guy doesn't just have one mistress, he's putting it about all over the shop. Who knows what he's spreading around. One may not applaud OP's motives or method, but nevertheless, it is better for the wife to know. Even if she'd rather not.

Anniegetyourgun Fri 13-Sep-13 17:20:44

Ha, my second x-post of the afternoon!

CatAmongThePigeons Fri 13-Sep-13 17:20:55

What a nasty thing to do. What has has wife done to you to deserve that?

Do you enjoy the drama and upset?

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:25:20

Sawoff, I told her in the text that I sent that I would answer any questions that she had and I will do that if she asks.

mummytime Fri 13-Sep-13 17:27:22

I think you did the right thing for the wrong reasons.
But hopefully she now get a STI check.

I would suggest you get some counselling, as I think you partly told her to "punish" yourself. Also why you posted on here?
You need to build your self-esteem so you don't go after cheats and liars anymore.

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:27:40

No I dont enjoy the drama or upset, she has done nothing to me to deserve anything

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:28:29

I think I may have partly done it to punish myself as well, I shouldnt have told her should i?

TyrannosaurusBex Fri 13-Sep-13 17:29:41

You did it by text message?

Floggingmolly Fri 13-Sep-13 17:29:44

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

IslaValargeone Fri 13-Sep-13 17:30:10

'Told her in the text that I sent that I would answer any questions that she had'
Do you not have the slightest idea of how gloaty/provacative that sounds?

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:30:47

Yes I did it by text. Is there a good way to do it?

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:31:39

I didnt mean it to sound gloaty, now I feel worse, I really didnt mean it to sound like that!

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:32:44

I hope it bites me on the arse as well, I dont deserve anything nice to happen to me ever again

fenellafudgetunnel Fri 13-Sep-13 17:33:14

Hmm I don't know the backstory but I personally think you did the right thing OP. If he's a multiple philanderer and she doesn't know she's being placed at risk and she can now make an informed choice of what to do.

And frankly who HASN'T made a stupid choice at some point in their lives. We are all fallable. Beating up the OP isn't going to help. Marriage is a covered dish, as the Swiss apparently say - you never know what's going on in it and it can often have ingredients you'd never expect.

TyrannosaurusBex Fri 13-Sep-13 17:37:58

Doing it by text means you have no idea where she was, what she was doing or who she was with when she read it. Good God, that poor, poor woman.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 13-Sep-13 17:38:06

Im gettin a real sense of deja vu with this thread.

You wouldnt have told her if you were still his "exclusive mistress" would you.

Nasty - that is all!

KoalaFace Fri 13-Sep-13 17:41:16

It's good that she now has the same opportunity that you've had to get checked at an STI clinic.

Getting revenge on him by causing his wife pain though is so cruel that I hope you are as ashamed of yourself as you say otherwise I suspect you'll carry on hurting people with your selfish actions.

WhiteandGreen Fri 13-Sep-13 17:45:36

You clearly want us to all put the boot in, so you can wallow in it all.

Patosshades Fri 13-Sep-13 17:55:50

How did you manage to get hold of your married mans wifes number to text her?

Pretty shit thing to do by text really.

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:56:09

I did know where she was, I know their routines, I timed it as well as I could.

I dont want to wallow in anything

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 17:56:56

I thought ringing would be worse, which is why I didnt do that

WhiteandGreen Fri 13-Sep-13 17:58:46

Texting makes it easier for you, that's for sure,

Justwakingup Fri 13-Sep-13 18:00:18

Ringing would have been easier for me, but I didnt think that was right

IslaValargeone Fri 13-Sep-13 18:02:56

Every post you write is making you sound worse and worse to be honest.
I'd walk away now, because I do believe it is against MN rules to make personal insults and I can't be the only one for whom diplomacy is becoming increasingly hard.

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