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Men who push for sex on a first date....

(91 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 10-Sep-13 21:36:54

Are idiots right? That's twice now I have broken my rule of no first date sex. Admittedly it is my fault for giving in but the hints, flattery, suggestions of driving me home combined with them being fit and me having a glass of wine all gets too much. Then of course...poof!

TBH when a guy starts pressuring me I sometimes give in as it makes me never want to see them again anyway but more often or not I feel a bit crappy about it.

Has anyone actually initiated first date sex themselves and how did it work out? (just curious) I still have that silly Rules book lodged in my head that states no first date sex.

ALittleStranger Tue 10-Sep-13 21:52:10

I have but only with men I didn't want a second date with. So I don't see it as "first date sex", it's just a one night stand.

I don't deliberately follow the Rules but I have observed that no one I have had a relationship with has initiated first date/first meeting sex.

ApocalypseThen Tue 10-Sep-13 21:57:59

It depends on what you want. You don't want sex on a first date with an uncommitted guy, it seems, so don't do it. They'll find another chump. But you suit yourself and don't have sex you don't want.

Darkesteyes Tue 10-Sep-13 22:02:09

If a man didnt want to see me again because id slept with him on a first date i would assume hes a mysogynist with a sprinkling of Madonna/whore complex so at least sleeping with someone on a first date filters this out.

Ive never done this but the oppurtunity has never presented itself so im not sure what i would do if it did.

waltzingmathilda Tue 10-Sep-13 22:10:33

No man will buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free. Get some dignity and stronger knicker elastic

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Tue 10-Sep-13 22:12:28

I literally don't know anyone who didn't sleep with their DH / life partner on the first date or before. The Rules is a load of bollox.

Angeletta Tue 10-Sep-13 22:16:55

I know at least one happily married couple who had sex the first night they met (not even a date) so I don't think it will necessarily scare a guy off (unless like Darkesteyes says he has a Madonna/whore complex in which case you're well shot of him). On the other hand I don't think waiting guarantees that things will work out. It comes down to what you want and how it makes you feel, and how it makes you feel is crappy, so maybe say no to them escorting you home so things can't get out of hand. If they get angry or continue to pressure you after you've made it clear you don't want to take things further that night, they aren't worth any more of your time.

I take the Rules with a bucket of salt personally. There is some sense to it but also lot of wishful thinking (playboys will turn into princes if you just apply the Rules) and having read the Rules for Marriage, let's say the authors' idea of a happy marriage is light years away from mine. But each to their own.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 10-Sep-13 22:19:27

Just say no! Zammo talked alot of sense

I shagged my DP on the first date - 20 years ago

ParvatiTheWitch Tue 10-Sep-13 22:23:00

Yes, DH was a one night stand, at first at least. We'll have been together 20 years in October.

joanofarchitrave Tue 10-Sep-13 22:27:29

Well, they're not idiots, they're just pushy. The bad news is that you're doing stuff you don't feel sure about. Meet people for a nice walk or brunch or something instead?

Alternatively, have some casual sex and enjoy it? It's OK to fancy people and like sex.

Thistledew Tue 10-Sep-13 22:29:30

I seduced a man on what wasn't even officially a date- we had last met when were at school together ten years previously and just met for coffee having got back in contact through a mutual friend.

We got married this Spring and have now been together for 5 1/2 years! grin

ParvatiTheWitch Tue 10-Sep-13 22:29:54

Sorry OP, not helpful, no "pushing for sex" on either part on that one.
If I felt pressured like that, I would probably dig my heels in and they would not be getting into my knickers. If you really wanted to shag them, they wouldn't pressure so much, so don't! Take no notice of the rules; follow mine instead;
1/ feeling horny with a nice bloke? Shag him.
2/ feeling horny, with not such a nice bloke? Don't shag him, go home alone and have a wank.

callamia Tue 10-Sep-13 22:35:50

The Rules are a hateful load of old guilt-inducing nonsense.
I've had a lot of first 'date' sex, and the last one is now my husband.

I agree with everyone else; don't feel guilty about having sex with someone you fancy. But don't do it because you feel obliged or pressured.

Lazyjaney Tue 10-Sep-13 22:41:19

The men clearly arent idiots, as they have a good chance of getting it. But that doesn't mean you have to do it if you don't want to.

theginganinja Tue 10-Sep-13 22:42:43

That rules stuff is such a lot of old bollocks. Me and dh had sex on our first date, we've been together 15 years, married for 10.

If you feel crappy about it then just say no

PosyNarker Tue 10-Sep-13 22:45:01

First date sex with ex - 3 year relationship.

No sex, but fooling around first date with DP, 10 years and counting. I believe I seduced the poor bugger and we are engaged to be married if we ever pull our fingers out and get it organised

Do what you feel comfortable with. No-one was pressuring anyone in my case. We were horny blush Pressuring is not cool.

AdoraBell Tue 10-Sep-13 22:58:42

The only rule I recognise is if you don't want sex you don't have sex. Anyone pressuring me would be told straight that it's not happening because of the pressure. To my mind any pressure means they just want a shag and don't care who they shag.

KikiShack Tue 10-Sep-13 22:58:48

I agree completely with darkesteyes, anyone who is willing/ wants to have sex with me on a 1st date and then judges me for it afterwards is a misogynistic wanker who I want nothing to do with.
Invited DP back to mine the night I met him in nightclub 9 years ago and we're blissfully happy and expecting our 1st child any day. I also slept with plenty of other guys back in the past and am not in a loving committed relationship with any of them, equally in my younger days I denied myself sex with some pretty hot men as I 'didn't want them to think I was a slut' and it didn't make them magically fall in love with me!
The right guy (for me) will respect who I am as a complete perversion by talking to me, not by counting the number of hours between meeting me and being allowed into my knickers! I hate all this rubbish about men being randy dogs while women make them wait until they've earned it, yuck.
Rant over.

KikiShack Tue 10-Sep-13 22:59:48

as a complete PERSON! Not perversion. Bad phone swype, not Freudian slip, honest.

Lazyjaney Tue 10-Sep-13 23:16:33

will respect who I am as a complete perversion

Freudian gymslip grin

SomethingOnce Wed 11-Sep-13 00:27:43

Having sex on a first date is one thing; men who are pushy about sex are another thing entirely. I'd find that a massive turn-off tbh.

Don't do stuff that makes you feel crappy.

Lazysuzanne Wed 11-Sep-13 01:18:59

exactly
the problem is not first date sex
the problem is that someone else is trying to co erce you into doing something you are not comfortable with

I cant believe people still come out with this anachronistic tosh
'No man will buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free.'

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 04:06:10

'Stronger knicker elastic' made me smile! Irs not so much the first date sex that bothers me. .its the being ignored/ game-playing after it that pisses me off. All this dont text, call, phone. Let hin chace. It just seems like we are not allowed to be genuine or true to ourselves. I blame the rules. I threw my copy away at uni as it did my head in so much!!

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 04:06:54

Chase

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 04:07:54

Tbh...he was so fit I couldn't keep my hands off him! No shame in that I guess!

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