Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

what does it mean if your husband is looking at gay porn?

(68 Posts)
23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 18:33:01

just that really

been together 10 years; has never should any indication that he might be gay or bi-sexual. Deletes browsing history and text messages from phone routinely

what would you make of it?

Vegeshamwidge Tue 10-Sep-13 20:56:24

Heterosexual men don't look at gay porn. It's not the same thing as straight women looking at lesbian porn y'know.

Err why is it different?!
Also as a straight woman I'm not interested in lesbian porn. (Or any porn. Porn is awful and exploitative.)

23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 20:59:23

hmmm...seems opinions are pretty much split...

it was the discussion we had...does it mean he is gay or not. not straight forward, it seems

AndTheBandPlayedOn Tue 10-Sep-13 21:09:37

23possiblymore, apologies, my comment was sarcastic...although stranger things have happened. I might toot my own horn and say that I am excessively talented in finding justifications for just about anything under the sun. But sadly, it does not always follow that my manufactured reasonings are necessarily the truth.

He may say he is doing the 'research' for a friend.
He may be pledging/enduring initiation to a Fraternal Order of (...AF help me?..) Macho Cha-Cha.

You have taught me a lot, AF...I had not heard "spitroasting" before.

AnyFucker Tue 10-Sep-13 21:13:07

Charming, huh ? smile

AndTheBandPlayedOn Tue 10-Sep-13 21:18:52

23possiblymore, apologies again...blush, I am sorry for looking for humor where I should not.

Imho, there is reason to be concerned. If the man in question is on dating sites, then I would say he has already checked out of his present relationship. The orientation question may be irrelevant at the end of the day. A STD check would still be in your friend's best interest.

23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 21:32:24

Band don't worry, honestly. We managed to laugh about it also. You've gotta laff haven't you?!

AFishWithoutABicycle Tue 10-Sep-13 21:40:42

Gay or not gay could be argued.
Total arse hole - fact.

Distrustinggirlnow Tue 10-Sep-13 21:41:18

IMO the gay porn is a bit of a red herring OP.
I think there is more concern around the dating sites and deleted text messages, Internet history etc.

Ill be honest, I don't know why a man would watch gay porn, but I do know why they join dating sites and are secretive.....

In my book, cheating is cheating, regardless of whether you are in a gay, lesbian or straight relationship.

OP your friend needs to gather information before she confronts him as he will deny and delete. I'd start by looking through emails or looking for a hidden/secret email account. I'd check the phone bill, go through bank and credit card statements with a fine tooth comb and then I'd try and find his profile on the dating site.

She will need your support thanks

Fragglewump Tue 10-Sep-13 22:27:27

I'm going to guess that he is closet gay. He married as he wanted a 'normal life' but as time has gone on he has felt his life lacking and seeks thrills from gay porn and or gay sex. Happens quite often especially with slightly older guys who found it harder to 'come out'. Sad for both ops friend and her dh.

str8tothepoint Wed 11-Sep-13 16:23:58

he's gay. 100% in the closet, fact, on previous and current knowledge of having an affair with a guy who is in a relationship for 15 years but is gay and had an affair with me for a year, still continuing, other complications, such as children make it harder for him to come out

BeCool Wed 11-Sep-13 16:41:15

a one off - just curious.

Repeatedly looking at gay porn - sorry but he is gay.

daytoday Wed 11-Sep-13 22:29:12

I get all sorts of weird sites pop up iny settings that I have never visited! One which keeps appearing is localslags which is some sort of pimp site which I have never visited. I was freaked out when I first found it but deleted all my settings and cookies, waited an hour and the bugger appeared again. I guess what I'm saying is don't just go on the computer settings.

I don't think looking at gay porn means someone is gay. But most people would never admit or reveal the erotic scenarios that interest them.

BadLad Thu 12-Sep-13 02:16:42

I'd like to offer a helpful opinion, but I don't watch any porn - not because of any moral objection to it, but because I find it intolerably boring.

Absolutely nobody I know who isn't gay has ever said that they watch gay porn. Whether that means they don't, or they aren't admitting to do it, I couldn't tell you.

It could be something that turns him on when he thinks of it, but that doesn't necessarily mean he would go so far as to act on it.

Mojavewonderer Thu 12-Sep-13 06:16:40

Sod the gay porn! The thing I would be concerned about is the dating sites! That's a no brainer for me. That alone would be a one way ticket to dumpsville. The gay porn is just the icing on the very disgusting cake sad

Wellwobbly Thu 12-Sep-13 07:52:46

In the interests of objective research, you understand, I went on to a gay site to see if it would turn me on.

What I saw: mostly a thing called 'twinkies' (eeeeeuw), which was very very pretty little boys, holding their half grown very circumcised penises, or lying on their backs showing their very smooth little bum holes.

It just aroused my maternal concern, that's all and I so wish there was no market for this. No, no stirring there.

Then, men in various activity. A bit of interest, but no response.

So, on the tremendously accurate research sample of one, I think you have to be gay to be stimulated.

MajesticWhine Thu 12-Sep-13 08:03:51

He is most likely bisexual. Sexual orientation does not have to be so black and white, surely.

CuChullain Thu 12-Sep-13 08:40:50

Love the armchair psychologists making decisive judgements on this mans sexual orientation with the bare minimum of facts!

I am a bloke, I looked at gay porn a few times many years back, it was on a website which had lots of hetro porn so it was pretty easy to click on. Not sure why I did it as I don’t find men remotely sexually attractive, but I did anyway, I did not get turned on by it or have any gay fantasies as a result, maybe it was a mixture of curiously and fascination that made me visit some of those sites, I am not sure. Anyway, I soon got bored of it and never looked at the stuff again. I deleted my internet history as well, I was not living with my girlfriend then but she did use my laptop now and again and I would have felt a bit embarrassed if she had seen what I was looking at. Several years on and our relationship is as strong and as committed as ever. No doubt a few on here will conclude that I am quite clearly a repressed homosexual and advice my girlfriend to leave me immediately.

With regards to deleting phone texts, I clear out the general chit chat stuff regularly, not because I have anything to hide, but because I hate having to scroll through hundreds of texts to find important ones. No doubt to some on here that is evidence enough that I am conducting some kind of clandestine affair.

MadameLeBean Thu 12-Sep-13 09:16:33

Cu, read the OP's second post, a couple of posts down from the first post. The guy had been on gay dating sites - as well as deleting texts. That is not innocent.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now