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what does it mean if your husband is looking at gay porn?

(68 Posts)
23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 18:33:01

just that really

been together 10 years; has never should any indication that he might be gay or bi-sexual. Deletes browsing history and text messages from phone routinely

what would you make of it?

curious? bored? gay?

hows the rest of your relationship?

carlywurly Tue 10-Sep-13 18:37:27

Personally I'd find it odd if dp did either of these things.

Was it one page or several? It might have been an accident, or a one off out of curiosity.

Any more, and I'd certainly be asking some questions. Actually, one page and I'd be asking questions.

HavantGuard Tue 10-Sep-13 18:39:10

That he likes watching men have sex.

sonlypuppyfat Tue 10-Sep-13 18:41:49

I don't think we will have to get miss marple on this one.

Fragglewump Tue 10-Sep-13 18:42:04

He is probably gay or bi. Have you discussed porn and your views on it? If my hubby was doing this I would feel I didn't really know him vey well. I would be shocked and concerned. Have you asked him about it?

23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 18:42:21

its tricky, as I am posting on behalf of her friend (with her permission)

We were talking it through,....and had the same thoughts as you have both posted. The relationship is not good at all. Lack of affection and respect.

The page popped up from Safari on I-phone. £ times, over the space of a few months. Checked the 'data' in settings on phone, and numerous pages for different sites, including gay dating sites have been visited. Could they all be pop-ups? Do heterosexual men get bi-curious? (mid 50s) If you are looking at dating sites, does it mean you want to go on dates???

It is all so alien, to both of us?

SubliminalMassaging Tue 10-Sep-13 18:42:43

I'm with sonly.

ItsaTIARA Tue 10-Sep-13 18:45:28

Looking at porn is one thing, lots of people fantasise about all sorts of stuff they'd never do in real life (see thousands of MN threads for evidence) but secrecy about his phone and looking at dating sites is a completely different.

vestandknickers Tue 10-Sep-13 18:46:13

He's gay. Maybe never acted on it. You friend needs to talk to him for both their sakes.

SleepyCatOnTheMat Tue 10-Sep-13 18:46:39

Straight men don't find gay sex a turn-on.

meditrina Tue 10-Sep-13 18:48:54

It means he likes looking at videos of gay men having sex.

Yes you can find things in histories that have come from pop ups, but I'd expect only one or two - not "numerous"

SubliminalMassaging Tue 10-Sep-13 18:50:50

Surely you only fantasise about same gender sexual experiences if you are bi or gay? I have never done it, ever.

defineme Tue 10-Sep-13 18:51:54

There have been very recent studies testing physical levels of arousement showing straight men do not get turned on by men having sex (lesbians very different), women on the other hand get turned on by anything shagging including gorillas!
He could be bi though?

Teeb Tue 10-Sep-13 18:52:23

If a woman was watching lesbian porn, would that make her a lesbian too?

miffybun73 Tue 10-Sep-13 18:54:35

He's gay.

str8tothepoint Tue 10-Sep-13 18:57:15

he's gay, will definetly deny it when confronted, minimalise everything, in order not to out him. she will believe him, feel sorry for him, but he will still do it on the sly. he's probably been with a few guys already

defineme Tue 10-Sep-13 18:57:36

No-women who are straight get turned on by everything-have you watched the film 'the kids are alright' when the lesbian couples kids get very upset when they discover they watch male gay porn-very funny!
Men on the other hand don't, gay men show very little arousal watching women have sex with each other too.

23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 18:59:01

i dont know teeb confused

I dont like porn full-stop, so its really difficult to have an opinion on what watching gay porn means specifically

Some of it was a bit 'other'...a dogging site included, and cross-dressing. But no 'straight' vanilla type sites

23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 19:00:05

what would you say to him????

23possiblymore Tue 10-Sep-13 19:03:20

str8tothe point that worries me...i was thinking about STDs. Friend is confident it wont have gone that far (yet). But, I think that is difficult to judge, seeing as how this has been so unexpected itself

str8tothepoint Tue 10-Sep-13 19:08:05

she should get tested, hard as it is, but really she needs to talk to him, and let him live his life. am sure he doesn't mean to hurt her but it's probably how he's been all his life. maybe check his phone bill for numbers any at random times/txt messages/pic messages?? different email accounts, skype

HotDogWater Tue 10-Sep-13 19:14:16

Highly unusual for a straight guy to find gay porn a turn on. Maybe once for the curiosity factor but regular viewing I would say he is gay or bi.

BadSeedsAddict Tue 10-Sep-13 19:27:47

My OH is bi and it has never really bothered me. If your friend has an iPhone and can get a free app called Grindr, she can sign up anonymously and see gay/bi men who are currently close by. Might be worth a look, it's a pretty popular app and her OH may have it. Think there's another one called Scruff, less popular. Her OH may just be bi-curious. Like another poster said, similar to women enjoying lesbian porn smile

cosydressinggown Tue 10-Sep-13 19:37:04

He's gay. And not very clever, apparently.

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