Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husband left and took our two boys !

(45 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

Minnie05 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:58:22

My husband left last week and took our two boys with him to be honest we haven't been getting on for a while. But I thought after a couple of days he would bring them back (he has taken them before and bought them back) This time however he turned up with a court summons to keep me away from them all ! I couldn't believe what he had done ! My dad passed away a year ago and I'm on anti depressants ! He tried to claim that if he wasn't here some sort of harm would come to our children ! I was totally gobsmacked ! I have never harmed my children even when I was at my lowest point I never touched them ! I can't believe this from a man who was supposed to love and protect me. Anyway we went to court yesterday he has moved so far away it took me three hours to get there. Basically the outcome was they stay with him during the week and I get them Friday till Sunday. I'm absolutely devastated I haven't seen them for over a week now and I wasn't allowed to phone them I spoke to them on the phone yesterday after the judge told my husband I could have as much phone time as I wanted. My youngest broke my heart when he heard my voice he said I miss you mummy where are you. I feel constantly sick I can't eat I can't sleep and I can't stop crying !

This all sounds a bit pre-meditated to me. Do you have proper legal advice?

Can't really help, just didn't want to read and run. Hope you're ok. Do you have RL support?

Juiciestorange Tue 10-Sep-13 13:01:22

Don't want to read and run, I'm so sorry you must be devastated. I'm sure someone wise will come along soon but it might be worth getting this moved onto the Relationships board as there is more traffic

Dressingdown1 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:11:51

OP so sorry you are going through this. You don't say how old your boys are. What about schooling etc? Normally the courts don't like children having to change schools and if they have moved 3 hours away, it must be an issue. You definitely need some legal advice.

Minnie05 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:29:01

Hi all thanks for your replies yes I think it was premeditated as well it all happened so fast ! One minute they were there then they were gone ! I honestly think he has been planning it for a while. I don't work so I can't afford a solicitor and I'm not entitled to legal aid. I am waiting for cafcass to get involved and was told by the judge it will take up to 17 wks! So that now means I won't even get to see them over Xmas ! Also I have two daughters with me he is not their biological dad but has bought them up for the past 12 years. Mt sons are aged 8 and 6 and one of my daughters is 12 and the other is 20 and she is 5 months pregnant. He has ripped the whole family apart !

Minnie05 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:30:15

He told the judge he has got school places for them where he now lives !

Juiciestorange Tue 10-Sep-13 13:37:44

So he gets to remove them from the family home, school, siblings and you and the court agreed? That's monstrous. Do you have RL support?

Minnie05 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:44:02

No I didn't agree I had no choice in the matter ! Im disgusted with him and the court. I've got two sisters and my mum for support they all came with me. No one can believe what he is doing I think I'm still in shock !

Minnie05 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:49:12

At first he was going for full custody and supervised visits for one hour a week ! The judge told him there was no way that was going to happen. Then he asked for me to see them one weekend a month which she also declined. So for now I have to be grateful that they are allowed to stay with me every week from Friday 6pm till Sunday 4pm it's not ideal at all but for now its better than nothing. I'm hoping when cafcass get involved I will get them back permanently!

Dressingdown1 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:53:41

If at all possible please get some legal help, maybe ask for help in the legal forum on MN?

The problem is that the longer you leave it, the harder it gets to overturn the status quo. The courts might be unwilling to uproot your boys again so that they can move back to their old home and school etc. Time is of the essence, in my experience.

SilverApples Tue 10-Sep-13 13:57:21

'So he gets to remove them from the family home, school, siblings and you and the court agreed? That's monstrous. Do you have RL support?'

Women do this on a regular basis it seems. Not usually the male partner.
OP, you need all the legal advice and support you can muster, so post in relationships. Lots of experience there.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 10-Sep-13 14:04:25

OMG, this is just terrible, I am so sorry for you.
I can't believe he is just allowed to do this, I hope you get them back soon.
Have you been to citizens advice, can they help at all.
I know you have probably done this already, but could the Police not help as he took them without permission, or maybe too late now.
I am so shock and sad for you, it just seems so bizarre that he will get away with it.

Minnie05 Tue 10-Sep-13 14:06:01

Thank you all for your time your words of wisdom and for taking the time to read about my problem.

newpup Tue 10-Sep-13 14:43:00

I am sorry, that is awful, worse than awful! You really need good legal advice. I am not sure how to change things but I agree with the poster who said that the longer he has them the harder it will be to turn things around. Can your mum and your sisters help with legal costs at all?

Juiciestorange Tue 10-Sep-13 14:51:50

Sorry OP I meant and the court agreed, obviously you didn't. Should have been a comma instead of an and before the word you.

itried Tue 10-Sep-13 18:04:53

Minnie, you could contact MATCH Mothers (Mothers Apart from their Children) for advice and support. Also, if you haven't done so, try posting your message in Legal Matters.

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 10-Sep-13 22:15:32

Hi, Minnie.

We've had a few people ask if we can move this into another area for you in the hope that more people will see this. Please do let us know if this is what you want us to do.

We hope you get this sorted.

MNHQ.

Minnie05 Wed 11-Sep-13 06:20:44

Yes please I'm grateful for all the help I can get.

Orianne Fri 13-Sep-13 09:03:04

Are you any further forward Minnie? I hope your weekends goes well with the boys.

Ledkr Fri 13-Sep-13 09:07:47

Oh how scary that this can happen?
Have you tried citizens advice?
Are there any organisations that can help you?
Does he work? Who will look after them when he does a d where us he living?
Surely this is flaming kidnap!

PTFO Fri 13-Sep-13 13:38:15

This sounds VERY planned. school places a three hr drive away, new home, uniforms, untilities, job EVERYTHING! A whole new life.

Your ex has thought this through in advance, spoken to a lawyer and ripped you apart.

How many mums do you think are on anti-depressants? shitloads, no judge would take kids off a mother on these, without evidence that you had done something so terrible. what is it he's saying you have done?

Talk to a very good lawyer NOW, sod the costs if it means getting them back, do u have family that can help?
Get character refs, gp notes anything that could help, neighbors anyone that can back you up as being a good solid mum.

I really hope you sort this out. I don't understand how your allowed them at weekend but not live with you if what he thinks you had done was so bad IYKWIM. you should be able to speak to them anytime!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 13-Sep-13 13:43:05

Everyone leaping on this with outrage, just stop and think about the countless threads on here where the advice given to the woman wanting to leave her relationship in difficult circumstances.

Make plans
Don't tell him what you are doing
See a lawyer
Make sure you have all your financial info

Seems that this man has done all of the above.

We have no idea what has gone on in this relationship, none.

Lilyloo Fri 13-Sep-13 13:49:06

I would be very surprised that a judge has given primary care to the father and allowed him to take them out of their home / school without some previous history more than the op being on anti depressants.

I agree that good legal advice is very important right now op.

bundaberg Fri 13-Sep-13 13:55:17

i was going to post exactly the same as alibaba.

OP, i hope that you can move forward with this and that you are able to access legal help.

nameequality Fri 13-Sep-13 14:01:23

OP - please phone [[ http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk]].

Does their Dad work? Do you? Were you the primary carer? How can the court agree to removal from the primary carer? Hope you can get some good advice soon.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now